


Recall

by JotunBoss



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Wordcount: 30.000-50.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 22:46:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 47,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12874662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotunBoss/pseuds/JotunBoss
Summary: Post-Avengers: Age Of Ultron.All is well in the Avenger's Tower with Loki now on their side, and married to Tony Stark. During the battle with Ultron, Tony suffers a trauma and loses his memory. And the last thing he remembers? Loki on Stark Tower, green magic, and a destroyed New York City.Can Loki rekindle the romance and everything that has happened between them in the past few years? Or will he have to rebuild their relationship from scratch?





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I'm writing this after Thor: Ragnarok had been released, I wanted to include everyone without the whole Civil War fight happening so this is set during the Age of Ultron movie, but altered where Ultron isn't destroyed after Sokovia so the plot sort of carries on. So let's just roll with it, and I hope you enjoy!

**1**

"Barton! Three on your back!" Steve warned the hawk, pivoting on his boots to knock one of Ultron's men into a building with his shield, shattering the double glazed window and falling into the room of cowering families and workers.

"Three against one?" Clint had his bow pointed at the rubble beneath him before raising it before the robots could blink and shot through each as one arrow broke off into three; all head shots. The arrowhead sizzled the circuits in the robot's heads, letting them fall like rag dolls. "Hardly seems fair." He argued, flashing his sly smile at the metal remains.

"All's fair in love and war." Stark's voice came loud and clear in the intercom. "Isn't that right, babe?"

"I disagree..." Loki presented. "You think having a conversation with hundreds of Ultron's men will settle what killing them outright would not?"

"Don't you tell me about war, darling." Stark laughed with his face to the sky. "We beat you, didn't we?"

"With a hulk." You could hear the distaste hidden in Loki's tone; and if Banner were Banner at the time to hear it, he'd hide a smile. But he was busy ripping out floors of buildings at a time to notice.

"And my everlasting love!"

"Quite." His Asgardian-far-too-British-to-be-extra-terrestrial accent really came through in his banter with his husband; especially on the battlefield.

Tony and Loki 'tied the knot' half a year ago in a widely public reception. Tony loves the attention, and takes any chance he can to show his villain turned ally turned lover off to the press. Loki was not vexed by the broadness of the event, for he knew he had Anthony all to himself during their honeymoon in Stark's Miami mansion, which lasted two weeks longer than when they said they'd be back. Bruce was worried about his science partner's absence and asked Jarvis for an update. What he got was a far too detailed analysis on their current circumstance which left Bruce staring at his heart monitor for the next twenty minutes trying to calm down. He didn't ask after that, and didn't ask Tony how the honeymoon was when he got back. He knew far too well that he enjoyed himself.

The borderline idea of a battle lasted a record time of thirty three minutes. Having Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, Bucky and Vision on their side was a rich bonus for the Avengers, but having another God really boosted the odds in their favour. Not that it had been easy. There wasn’t exactly a therapy room for turning ex-criminals into allies in ten easy steps. But Tony had since considered writing a book about it.

"Sokovia really sweeps you off your feet, doesn't it?" Tony tried to joke, but seeing the floating city drop civilians by the dozens, he instantly regretted it. He watched as one of the buildings hit another in its fall, and he flew towards the rooftop, trying to evacuate those at the highest points and make his way down.

"Might need a little help here, guys. Whenever you're ready." Tony whisked around the building, grabbing as many hands as he could carry at once, building a chain, and lowering them all to the ground before repeating the process. "Take your time."

"Stark, there's hundreds of these robots flying around. Kind of busy." Loki huffed through his earpiece, grunting as he incinerated one or two.

"And the people are our priority." He's a little disappointed in his husband. He knows he's a fighter and all, and likes using his magic to kill his enemies, but Tony needed him to show more care for the public in times like this. Tony had seen what happens one time too many when you forget that battles aren't fought in an open field. They're fought in the middle of cities, in and / or around homes. And around people. Innocent people.

Below him, a group of Ultron's men crashed through the lower floors of the buildings to let them fall into each other, but Tony shot to the rooftops and held them apart to stop them from collapsing in on one other. There are cabinets and desks and papers falling from the broken windows at the angle that the building was falling at, but Tony can't…  _won't_  let the buildings fall. Not with all the people inside.

( _Innocent people_.)

"I'm losing control up here!" Tony panicked, but he knew that there was going to be some form of collision or other before anyone could get here, even Quicksilver, with all his… quickness.

No one was quick enough.

One of Ultron's forms shot up and collided with Stark's suit, pushing him out of his form and sideways, letting the building's rooftop lean towards the other and crush him between. The robot smashed at Tony's hands and feet, destroying his only source of flight before ripping out the rubble of the building holding him up like it were sand. The buildings collapsed in on each other and Tony could only look up and watch as they began to crumble to the floor with him.

The last thing Tony heard was screaming of the citizens inside, and Loki yelling his name before he hit the ground.

**2**

Tony felt what was like his first hangover when he stirred. He felt like his eyes had been padlocked shut and had a chain on his forehead keeping him down. After however many years drinking, he had built up an almost inhuman resistance to such effects.

"St… aw… ken… sir." An Irish female voice echoed through the room. It didn't sound too human, nor like anyone he could recognise. The last thing Tony wanted was to be in an unknown place whilst in a vulnerable and defenceless state. Adrenaline shifted through the crevasses of his body and he rose slowly up onto his elbows. He had bandages wrapped around various areas of his limbs, and around his head. A cold hand wrapped around his bicep in an attempt to push him back down. When he turned his dizzy head towards it, he saw the vague form of a black haired man with a dark green t-shirt, speaking lowly.

"It's alright, Anthony, lay back down." Loki murmured. "You're okay, my love." Loki hadn't had much sleep over the past few days from watching over his partner, not wanting to miss his awakening. He was often reassured by Bruce that Tony's injury wasn’t life threatening, and that Loki's magic in his suit definitely played a part in saving him from the fall. But still, the God was haunted by his own mind at the knowledge that he simply ' _should have been there_ '. None the less, he was kept positive by the thought of finally having Tony back in their bed and letting Loki heal him with cuisine and massages. The wave of relief though, was gradually depleting at the look on Tony's face. Loki's brows furrowed, and his hand was slowly retracting as Tony's eyes filled with something he hadn't seen directed at him since his first visit to Earth.

Tony gathered the energy to summon his gauntlet with a raise of his hand, powering up and aimed it at Loki's head.

"What the fuck is he doing here, Jarvis?" He yelled, which came out as a hoarse whine. When he didn't get a response, he turned his head towards the camera without taking his eyes off the God. "Jarvis!"

"Tony, it's me." Loki said cautiously, his hands up in a kind of surrender. But surrender to what? Would Tony hurt him? Why would he?

"I know it's you. I know perfectly well that it's you." He jumped out of bed far too quick but still called out for the rest of his suit, which came out from a hidden panel in the medical bay's wall. Tony had not installed a suit there yet, and was a little startled when it appeared. Despite that slight delusion on its own, the suit that came out wasn't his suit at all. Well, it  _was_ , but it was not what he had designed.  _Now_  he was confused. The suit wrapped around him, gripping around his bruises and tripping him up a little, but he caught his footing on the edge of the bed. "What're… what're you…"

"Tony…" Loki reached out for the mumbling man, afraid he would fall again.

( _Falling. Don't let him fall. Don't let me fall._ )

There was a slight light in the suit's gauntlet, getting ready to fire, but it soon faded, and Tony collapsed, strong arms catching him before his knees could hit the ground.

**3**

Loki picked at the palm of his hand as he stood by the couch in the living room. Bruce, Bucky, and Natasha sat restlessly and considered the situation, possibilities, their outcome, and what could be done. They watched the security footage of Tony's awakening a few times in order to put together the story and figure out what went wrong.

"It was like he hated me." Loki said, voice clearly showing that he was worried. "We were fine before the accident, I can't imagine what I had done to cause such a reaction."

"He may have just been confused, Loki." Natasha reassured. "He woke up after a week of being unconscious, he may have hallucinated for all we know."

"He also called out for Jarvis." Loki stated. "He does not seem to know about what happened to the AI. He was… so angry."

"Could it be dementia?" Natasha proposed. "Drinks a lot. Works a lot. Stress and trauma may have triggered an early retirement in him. And the injury must have been some kind of prompt to start it off?"

"There seems to be a large chunk of his recollection gone, rather than partial knowledge. So it is more likely amnesia." Bruce stated.

"Amnesia?" Loki asked.

"It is damage to the brain caused by trauma that results in memory loss. Seems to fit the picture here."

"But Tony remembered me, however negatively. He still knew me."

"Loss of memory from one period to another. It appears as though he woke up from during the Chitauri battle, up until your return to Earth. So that gives us a span of about… two years?"

"So… our marriage."

"Never happened according to him." Loki's face dropped, struggling to imagine how such a thing could happen; especially to Tony.

"We'll sort this out, Loki." Natasha reassured. "For now, you should rest. It has been a tiring past few weeks." On her way out with Steve, she put a comforting hand on Loki's shoulder.

( _Tony's hand_.)

"Think this may be similar to what happened to you?" Loki asked Bucky, hopeful and dreading at once. "Forgetting who you were, and who the people were around you? Something… I can remind him of? Like Steve did?"

"It is possible. Tony wasn't brainwashed hundreds of times in order to forget, it was a fall and knock on the head." Bucky felt a weird sense of guilt, like this was something  _he_  did to Tony. Perhaps it was seeing him in the same unknowing state that he once was in, and felt like he should be doing something to help. The help that he wished that he had had all those years before Steve came back. But Tony's not alone like Bucky was. He should get better, rather than worse, because he had people around him; and that was what counts. "But amnesia  _can_  be fixed." At this, Loki shot his head up, eyes almost puppy like.

"How?" He says, determined to do whatever he needed to get his husband back.

"With time, Loki." Bucky said slowly, a hand on the God's knee to calm him down before he got too excited. "Let Tony heal, and adjust to his surroundings, and maybe, in a little while, he'll eventually remember little snippets here and there. By the end of it all, he'll be back to who we all know and love. No harm done."

Loki wasn't prepared to sit and wait while Tony was confused and in pain. He wanted to help. He wanted to hold him, and tell him everything would be okay. But what was even worse than being a complete stranger to Tony, was that he thought of him as his enemy. So instead of starting fresh, unknown, he's hated. Loki worked hard at his relationship with Anthony Stark. He rebuilt himself around the man, and found a home in him. The only difference was that he had no idea of where he would end up on the first day he returned to Midgard, forced to live amongst those he wronged. He was expected to live civilly, and instead found friendship in the Avengers, and a lover in Stark. He did so with grace, and taking each day as it came. But now he's stuck in the future of his own heart, years ahead of Tony's time.

Love between the two was a new journey and experience for the both of them, and they rode that train together. But Loki didn't know if Tony was capable of riding that train alone this time, and to catch up to where Loki was. To be in love with someone who doesn't love you back wasn’t an easy street to walk, but Loki couldn't imagine how it must be for Tony to have to live with not just being behind in love, but in friendship with the Avengers, old and new, and the passage of time. His tech had grown without him. The world had gone by without him.

Loki wasn't going to give up. That idea didn't even pass by his mind. He just wanted Tony back. And he would do what he must, for however long it will take, to go from enemies to friends to lovers all over again.


	2. Start With A Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long sections in italics are scenes from before Tony's accident. It will be clarified if it is something Tony is either seeing on video, having a flashback of, or is just a generic scene for the reader, unseen by Tony.

**1**

The next time Tony stirred, it was Bruce by his side. For a moment, he considered the possibility that what he thought he saw the first time was just his imagination, delusions of a hangover, or maybe it was just a dream. But it could not have been, because the room was still different. Mechanisms and contraptions that he had never seen before in a room he swore that used to be one of his spare testing labs. He tried to get up again, and felt the same pain in his head and body that he did when he saw… Loki.

“You’re awake.” Bruce said, briskly walking over to his friend, putting one hand on his arm and the other on his back to help him sit up. “How’re you feeling?” Tony, the man who always seemed to have something to say, couldn’t find that much to say at all. Even if he wanted to, he’s sure that judging by the feeling coming from his throat, it would have sounded like something from hell, so he settled with a gun motion to his temple, pretending to pull the trigger.

“Yeah, I know that feeling.” Bruce agreed, though both he and Tony knew he wasn’t talking about being drunk. He poured Tony a drink of water and gave it to the furrow-browed man. “You had a bit of an injury,”

( _Falling._ )

“So I’m going to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?” Bruce’s face was far too sympathetic for what Tony liked, so he just gulped the rest of his drink down and put the empty glass back onto the desk.

“Ask away, big man.”

“You sure? Because you just woke up, and if you need to rest, we can-“

“I’m good. I’d like to know what’s up.” Tony was wide awake now, as the threat of there being a mass murderer wandering around in his tower wasn’t something he was willing to keep his guard down for.

“Okay. Just procedure questions to make sure everything’s fine.” He reached for a clipboard and pen to jot down his answers. “I’m gonna start with… your name.”

“Anthony Edward Stark. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” He hadn’t lost his jokes, so that’s a good thing. Bruce thought so at least.

“Do you know where you are?” He began. Stark drank about half of the glass before leaning it on his knee.

“’ _Big ugly building in New York_ ’,” he mocked. This only certifies Bruce’s idea of amnesia, as Steve’s insult was something said prior to the Chitauri Battle, when the two of them were still a little head to head after first meeting. They’ve since patched things up well, and Steve considered Tony a close friend. For Tony to go back, it reminded Bruce that he’s not just helping Tony for Tony’s sake, or for the sake of his and Loki’s marriage, but for everyone who’s lives Tony had touched. Bruce’s included.

“Now I just want to ask you for the date.” It seemed simple enough, but it was a big question.

“Sometime in April, 2012.” At this, Bruce looked up at him. He expected this, but it was still a huge shock to hear him actually say the words. A verification of his dread. By the look in Tony’s eyes, he knew that the other man knew it wasn’t that date either. Tony suspected that something like this could have happened somewhere in the back of his head. The change in the room, the slight age in Bruce’s face and hair.

The two of them together and all the years spent in their many conjoined laboratories felt like a crack in a diamond. Tony being his inspiration and man of endless ideas, he always looked up to him as a friend and a partner in crime. But with all that gone to Tony, Bruce was starting to feel like a one man team. All that time, gone to Tony in the blink of an eye.

“Okay, Tony. I need you to know something.” Bruce laid his clipboard down on the desk and drags a seat next to the bed, like he was a parent getting ready to tell their kid that their cat had got run over. “You had a bit of an accident about a week ago. You fell from a height, and sustained some damage. Nothing life threatening, no, but you’re pretty bruised up.”

“I can tell.” Tony jested, observing his multiple bruises that were now fading down his arms, and suspected the same going for the rest of his body. Being asleep for most of the time they were prominent, he didn’t feel the worst of it, but there’s more of a residual ache in his body, like waking up the next day after a thorough exercise.

“You also hit your head, Tony. Pretty bad. You didn’t crack anything, your helmet saved you from that. But you still sustained some… impairment in your brain.”

“Like I could ever break this bad boy.” He knocked lightly on the side of his head to show how sturdy he was, but even the lightest touch felt a little sensitive. “I feel pretty fine, Brucey.”

“Tony, I don’t want to sugar coat this.”

“Mmh. Sugar coat. Don’t rile me up. I’m hungry enough as it is. Do we have any food down here? Where are we anyway? You do some decorating while I was gone, hm? I like the design, though, very space like…“

“Tony, you have amnesia.”

The room went quiet for a full minute, but both men had everything rolling through their minds at once. Tony was tapping the pads of his fingers to his palms, so he could feel _something_. He took another look at Bruce, to really _look_ at him, and the peppering of greys in his hair was telling him that it was true.

“How long?” Tony muttered.

“Two years.”

At this, Tony sank a little further into the bed, eyeing the glass, which made Bruce get up to refill it for him. This time, Tony drank the whole glass in one go. Hell, Bruce thought he could drink the whole jug if he handed it to him.

It seemed like all Tony ever did was make up for lost time. After the death of his parents, he spent years trying to undo his mistakes and finish things he should not have started in the first place. Then there was Afghanistan, and Yinsen, the Jericho missiles being held in bloodied hands. And then there was Pepper. On-again-off-again, and he felt as if he was totally undeserving of her. And now his own mind was taking him back two years.

“If I didn’t feel like I already had a hundred, I’d have a drink right now.” Tony ran a hand down his face.

“Yeah, you might want to lay off the booze for a while, Tony.” Bruce warned. “It’s gonna take some time for things to settle down for you.”

“Yeah.” Tony whispered, lips tight, like he was holding everything in; and not just the things he wanted to say. The things he wanted to ask.

( _Loki_.)

Tony jerked, like he does in his nightmare infested sleep, and reached out a hand for the jug of water. Bruce thought he just might actually drink from the whole thing, but Tony just poured his third glass. ‘ _A third drink and it’s not whiskey_ ’, Bruce thought with a small smile of marvel. When Tony downed the drink, he let out a rough breath, like he was left out in the cold, and it sounded far too shaky for someone not just physically hurt, but emotionally hurt. The doctor hasn’t heard him make that sound in years. Since the Chitauri. And that happened in April of 2012. The date Tony last remembered.

Bruce needed to know where Tony’s at right now. He couldn’t risk Friday mentioning Loki over the speaker, or even Loki just walking in, and Tony not knowing. God, how were you supposed to explain something like this to someone? ‘ _Hey Tony, by the way, remember the crazy God who killed hundreds of people and tried to take over New York City? Well turns out, he lives here. And not just that, but you’re also married to him. Willingly. Happily._ ’

“What _do_ you remember?” Tony’s eyes scrunched up at this, and he pushed his palm of his hand to his forehead, like it was the only thing keeping it up.

“ _You will all fall before me.” Loki announced, fingers in a death grip on Tony’s face before his back collided with the glass. Falling. Falling._

( _Falling_.)

“Falling.” Tony whispered, barely audible.

“What?”

“Falling. From my tower. Loki…” God, he hated saying his name. “He threw me… and… it went black.”

“Tony… that was two years ago, yes. But you didn’t fall from your tower, Tony.” At this, Tony shook his head in response, but Bruce put a hand on his arm for moral support, with some physical support in there somewhere, too. “You made it. We won.” Tony looked up at Bruce, to look in his eyes. Because you can always tell something by looking them in the eyes. “But we’re in a whole ‘nother war right now, Tony.”

Tony closed his eyes at this. There’s always another war. Bruce tilted his head at Tony, and patted his arm.

“Maybe you ought to meet someone.”

**2**

Loki watched Tony and Bruce talk from the security footage, and he hadn’t moved since they both left five minutes ago. The last thing Tony remembered is Loki. Loki trying to take over New York. Loki tossing Tony out of his window. _Hurting_ him.

“He’ll come around, brother.” Thor assured. “He always does.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Loki’s voice sounded too close to hopeless than Thor ever imagined in his sibling. Loki always dreamed big, ever since he was a child. He had grace in every word, and every decision, but watching Loki have let alone little to no faith was such an alien perspective for Thor to see. But if Loki didn’t have faith right now, Thor and the others would have it for him.

“He will. He’s come out of tougher situations with a smile on his face. And he’s a genius! I’m sure that he can catch up with himself in a little while. You watch.” He patted his hand on his brother’s shoulder. As much as he wanted Tony and Loki to work on their relationship right now, from what he had seen of Tony since he woke, he knew that it would be wise to let Tony take everything in at his own pace rather than having every detail thrown at him at once. So it was going to take some adjustment for the rest of the group alongside Tony.

“But until the time comes where he’s more up to date, perhaps you should take chambers in your original floor, and clear your stuff from his. Not forever, but I don’t think that he’s going to be ecstatic about seeing your belongings where he keeps his own.”

“Yes.” Loki agreed, though almost sounding miserable. “I suppose I should.”

‘ _Like I was never here_.’ He thought.

He used his magic to rid of his possessions from their floor, transporting them to the original floor he stayed on when he first moved into the tower before joining in on Tony’s. The floor consisted of one hundred per cent Loki’s items, and he couldn’t help but feel like it looked more like Tony had moved _out_ than Loki had moved _in_.

He did not expect Tony to visit Loki’s floor any time soon, so he felt that he could do what he wanted with his new space. He pulled out the decorations that Tony had hated, as an inside joke as such, Asgardian memorabilia he kept in the closet, and finished the design off by placing his favourite framed picture on the fireplace mantelpiece. A shot of Tony and Loki on their wedding day, both in their suits, Tony throwing a peace sign with a giant grin on his face as Loki kissed his cheek, embracing him from the side. This picture has become his goal, his objective, a desperate need to get to that point again. Whether it would take regaining Tony’s memories, or having to make him fall in love with him all over again, Loki would do it. He _ha_ _d_ to do it. He refused to imagine how his life would be if he couldn’t.

**3**

“ _See? Perfect size for the two of us.” Tony open_ _ed_ _his arms to his bedroom like it was the first time Loki was seeing it (definitely not), although the God was looking around at everything like it was. On Tony’s side of the bed was clothes strewn around the floor, old pictures pinned to cork boards, and coffee mugs. On Loki’s side, there was contraptions from Asgard that Tony didn’t quite understand, mainly gifts from Frigga, and a wall of books (because the library isn’t big enough, and Loki wants quick access information)._

“ _And…_ _voilà_ _!”_ _Tony opened up the walk in closet, which contained “Since you don’t need to put on your own real clothes, because magic and all, I thought it would be a nice storage area. How about that, huh? Keep your junk in the closet?” He winked, and Loki snorted._

“ _You’re a hopeless romantic.” Loki has been pestering Tony to keep his clothes hung up so he doesn’t have to search the floor for his favourite shirt. It_ _was_ _too small for Loki to wear, so he either uses his_ ‘magic fingers’ _to enlarge it or just cuddles up to it at night when Tony is away on business trips._

“ _Only for you.” Tony murmured before rising onto the tips of his shoes to wrap his arms around his new_ _room-mate_ _and peppering his neck with kisses. Loki tilt_ _ed_ _his head to the side and drag_ _ged_ _Tony back into the bedroom._

**4**

"Hello Tony." Vision greeted. He held out a hand to the smaller man with a light smile.

"And you are?" Tony shook it with caution, though with a hint of eagerness. He was aware that he couldn't really be surprised by the things he was going to hear and see lately, especially even one of those things was a purple machine man walking through walls and sounding like Jarvis.

"My name is Vision. I am one of your many creations." Tony’s eyes widened in appreciation and points eagerly at the man.

"I made you?" He turned to Bruce. "I made him?"

"More like an accidental creation, if you will. But one way or another, yes, you made him."

"I turned Jarvis into a cyborg!" Tony exclaimed. "Man, why didn't I think of this earlier. This is genius. Well, you know, why wouldn’t it be, it is me after all.” Tony’s face was smug, making him almost look three inches taller.

“You created a second form of Jarvis, named Friday, who we use now instead.”

“Hey, Friday?” Tony tested.

“Good evening, Mr Stark.” The same Irish voice from before sounded throughout the room. Tony was always a stickler for accents originating from the United Kingdom. Tony huffed a proud laugh, the future was great.

“Here," Vision informed, and leaned over a computer to retrieve a video file titled ' _Vision's Awakening_ '. "What you are about to see is a collaboration of clips from the process of my birth." The video played on the projector. Bruce gave Vision a look, as though he’s asking if he’s sure he should be showing Tony this right now, but Vision just gave him a nod that reassured him that Tony needed the truth, even if he didn’t want it. Good or bad.

(Tough luck. For everyone.)

“ _I see a suit of armour around the world.” The audio echoe_ _d_ _and the clips all zoom around the screen, images merging and growing and forming the story. One of Stark’s labs shows up on the screen, him and Bruce standing over a coffin-like mechanism when Steve walk_ _ed_ _in with Wanda and Pietro._

“ _Shut it down.” Cap order_ _ed_ _. “You don’t know what you’re doing. After everything that has happened…”_

“ _You don’t know what’s coming!” Tony plead_ _ed_ _. ’POWER LOSS CRITICAL.’ Errors appear_ _ed_ _on various monitors around the room. The air toxic with threats of fight. And a fight there_ _was_ _._

“ _Go ahead,” Bruce’s voice mutter_ _ed_ _, Steve’s shield launched around the room in triangulations. “Piss me off.”_

_Thor’s lightning bolt electrifie_ _d_ _the room, the God appearing over the mechanism. “Wait!” Bruce cries._ _Mjölnir_ _is dragged down to the coffin, and it pulse_ _d_ _in return, almost ready to implode, before the lid_ _blew_ _open, and a form of purple and silver r_ _ose_ _out of it. Vision. The awakening._

“ _Thank you.”_

Tony smiled at the screen. “ _Jarvis_.” he thought.

“ _Why does your vision sound like Jarvis?”_

“ _We reconfigured Jarvis’ matrix. To create something new.” Tony circled the pseudo-man; observing, analysing, contemplating._

“ _You think I am a child of Ultron.”_

“ _You’re not?”_

“ _I’m not Ultron. I’m not Jarvis. I am…”_

“I am…” Tony whispered. A small smile formed on his lips before Bruce’s voice echoed in his head like a megaphone. _“Ultron.”_ The voice jolted in his mind, like he was electrocuted. Flashing images of champagne and buggy suits. _“In the flesh.”_ Tony pushed his hand to his head, backing up a few feet until his leg hit the sofa, and let himself collapse into it, groaning.

“Tony?” Bruce took a seat next to the man, a hand on the back of his head. “Does it hurt?”

“N-No… it just… loud voices.” He rose his head to take a deep breath, blinking away the feeling. The flashing in his head was like a lightning storm, quick and over before you knew it, but complex and unknowing of when it was next going to come.

“The video clip may have triggered some previously lost memories in him. He only recently awoke, so he may be highly sensitive.” Vision concluded. “Perhaps you should rest.”

“I’m fine.”

“Tony, I agree, you should take a pill and lay down. Even if it is just for an hour.” Bruce wasn’t taking no for an answer, not when it’s peoples health at risk. Even more so when it was Tony. The last thing Stark wanted to do was rest. He had a world around him he didn’t understand yet, _people_ he didn’t understand. But if he wasn’t going to rest, he was going to have to be around the others, and he didn’t want that just yet either. He had thoughts swimming around in his head. And maybe, just maybe, if he put it off long enough, the vision of Loki would prove to really just be a dream, or a hallucination at most.

Tony brushed his teeth for twice as long as he usually did, his head lost in a frenzy of questions with unknown answers, and answers to unknown questions. A marathon to catch up with everything before there was nothing he could do about it.

Tony got down to his underwear and curled into a ball in bed. Even after a week of rest, he still couldn’t keep his eyes open. What happened to the Tony Stark that he knew could survive with just three hours sleep? Whatever happened in the past two years must have affected his body clock; and he’s not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“ _I had strings but now I’m free_.”

Tony laid his head deeper into his pillow, pulling the sheets around him just that little bit tighter. Fingers twitching and eyes screwed shut, because the darkness behind them felt unusually safer than that of his bedroom. And he mentally noted the framed picture of Pepper missing on his bedside.

“ _There are no strings on me_.”


	3. The One Thing I Could Never Do

**** **1**

“ _Come now, Tony. You’re making this a much bigger deal than it needs to be.”_

“ _But this_ is _that big of a deal, Loki! Jesus, do I have to spell it out for you?” Tony was screaming. He hated how vulnerable his voice made him sound, but he_ was _vulnerable right now. There was no confusion about what he had with Loki. They were serious. At least somewhere in their minds they were serious. Tony still worrie_ _d_ _about Loki having some kind of commitment issues despite the fact that he denie_ _d_ _it. So there_ _was_ _another thing: Denial. And damn, if he_ _knew_ _what it’s like to be afraid of such a thing. But he_ _knew_ _what he want_ _ed_ _. And he ha_ _d_ _it. “S.H.I.E.L.D almost had you taken off of the team today, for what you did.” Tony huffed a breath. “Jesus, you almost killed someone.”_

“ _Almost, Tony, almost.” Stark could not believe what he was hearing. Loki gave absolutely no shits that an_ innocent _person was hospitalised whilst Loki was conjuring holograms of monsters through the streets. A passer-by was frightened, and fell into the road, they were luckily uninjured but it caused a car to swerve around them and hit a bakery. The driver had been pretty bruised up, and had a torn ligament in his leg from the incident. Tony visited the man on the way out of the hospital, and he wasn’t angry at Tony. In fact, he was just happy to get his cast signed by Iron Man. But as lucky as it was, Loki did what he did with the goal of hurting people. Intentionally or otherwise._

“ _It is not exactly the worst thing I have ever done.”_

“ _You say that like you’re allowed to just hurt people as long as it’s not life threatening.” Tony paced the room, once again struggling with the mentality of knowing that blameless civilians are getting hurt because of either him, or something associated to him. He took a few deep breaths, and reminded himself that he signed up for this when he let Loki move onto his floor._

_Loki looked at his lover (boyfriend?) and sighed. He took both of Tony’s hands and led him over to the couch._

“ _I’m sorry, Tony. Genuinely. If I could take it back, I would. I’d heal him myself but I think that would be pushing my luck of getting near him again.” At this, Tony huffed a guilty laugh, trying to hide a smile. He wanted to be mad. “I was angry. I wanted to get it out, and I did so in the incorrect manner. I should have talked to you, rather than taking it out on the public. I apologise.” Tony looked at Loki for a few moments, looking in his eyes and concluded that he was being sincere._

“ _Okay.” He nodded. “I forgive you. But it is not always going to be up to me.”_

“ _I know that.” Loki was honest about this, too. “You don’t hate me, do you?” Tony let out a little laugh at this and shook his head in disbelief, pulling Loki closer for a quick but honest kiss._

“ _No, Loki. I don’t hate you.” He pulled Loki into a hug, burying their faces in each other’s necks. “I could never hate you.”_

**2**

When Tony woke, he felt noticeably better. The light blaring in signified that it was now early morning. He went to bed with the intention of sleeping for maybe an hour or two, and ended up sleeping through the whole night. Whatever he supposed happened in those two years, he definitely learned to sleep better. Good on him. When he got up, he actually found clothes in the closet. Hanging up. Neatly. Half the room filled, and dusted. One of the many unexplained mysteries of the future.

He met with Thor and Clint eating breakfast in his kitchen. ‘ _Don’t tell me I got social and had tea parties._ ’ He thought. But he also thought that maybe they wanted to keep him company after his injury. Thor maybe, but Clint? Who knew. Maybe Tony wasn’t the only one who’s changed.

“Morning, boys.” He exchanged pats on the back. “Helping yourself to my food, I see?”

“You keep the pop tarts here.” Thor smiled, baring faultless teeth. Clint gave Thor a look, one that Tony (as he keeps doing lately) made a mental note of. Maybe that could be the name of his next project: ‘ _Pop Tarts: Where Do They Come From? And Why?_ ’

“What’s the plan for today?” Tony asked. He was suspecting they were waiting for him, to guide him through the world two years in the future.

“Well, we thought we could start outside.” Clint initiated. The hawk and the God smiled at each other with glee at this, and it made Tony uneasy in the stomach.

“Why?” Tony panicked. “What did you do?”

**3**

“What did you do!” Tony yelled.

His home, his sanctuary, his creation of Stark Tower now possessed a giant ‘A’ in place of where his name should be. Clint and Thor were far too smug for Tony’s liking, and he punched them both on the arms. Clint feigned pain, and Thor… well he didn’t feel anything because he’s Thor.

“What happened?” He moaned.

“Well, Stark Tower got a little destroyed during…” Clint hesitated when Tony gave him a look. “During you know what, and it just made sense to rebuild it as our home. Like a base that’s not HQ, you know? You like it?” Tony looked back up at the tower with a scrunched face, but the drama was fading. He started to think that when it actually happened, he could see himself coming up with the idea. And Tony liked his ideas.

“I suppose I could get used to it.” He said.

**4**

Loki took the time while Tony was getting a tour to get himself prepared. He wanted to speak to Tony today, so he put on his best clothes; nothing fancy, but every time he had worn this, Tony had always appreciated him just that little bit more. He put extra effort into his hair and practised his posture and voice. He felt like he was getting ready to meet the Queen, when instead he was going to (re-)meet his husband. But this _was_ a big deal. The impression he made today would affect how Tony was going to remember him from this point on. He had to get this right. If he messed this up, and Tony never wanted anything to do with him, he didn’t know what he’d do. He couldn’t lose his husband.

He waited on their… Tony’s floor, sitting on the living room couch, thumbing at his palm. They may be done soon, but until then Loki had time to think… and worry.

Tony wouldn’t be happy to see him. That was going to be the foundation of the meeting, and Loki was going to have to accept that. He’d put a pin in the fact that this was his husband, and focus right now on getting out of the enemy category. Trying to jump from foe to family would surely get him nowhere. Like Bucky said, this was going to take time.

**5**

Thor and Clint toured Tony of most of the building, mainly the new portions and rooms that had been changed. They also had a quick look in the lab, but dragged Tony out before he could get completely lost in it. ‘ _Later Tony!_ ’ they groaned, pulling him each by an arm. ‘ _But I fixed it! I wanna see how I did it!_ ’ he whined like a baby, pouting. This was the part that the hawk and God weren’t looking forward to. It started now. The beginning of what was going to be the most important factor of Tony’s healing. Loki.

They led him to one of the hallways outside his lab. They didn’t know what the worst part was going to be, telling him that Loki was here, or seeing him. It wasn’t going to be pretty either way. The first time Loki got sent back to Midgard to live in the Avengers Tower, they at least had a warning and time to adjust before he came and they had time to all adjust together. But now Tony was going to be told ‘ _Hey, remember the God you last saw taking over the world that was last week to you but two years ago to us? Yeah, well he’s been living right here under your nose as our ally. Surprise!_ ”

It had to be done. Loki was waiting. Loki deserved to see his husband and get the process started early before Tony got suspicious about the empty spaces on his floor and in his room, Pepper not coming home, and eventually the press asking “ _Why hasn’t Tony Stark gone on a date with the God of Mischief lately?_ ”

“Tony, there’s a… rather big detail we’ve not told you about yet.” Thor warned, pulling Tony down onto one of the hallway’s benches. “And if we could, we would give you more time to settle down, but it is an issue that needs to be addressed as soon as possible.”

“And you don’t have to do anything yet, you just need to _know_.” Clint assured, trying to comfort the inventor. ‘ _Yeah,_ ’ Tony thought, ‘ _Clint’s definitely changed._ ’

“Okay, spit it out.” Tony said with a smile, but by the looks on the others’ faces, he supposed he won’t be smiling for very long. “What is it?” He said, more gently. Whatever it was, he would handle it.

**6**

Loki shot up from his seat when the elevator dinged, and Tony trooped inside, and he wasn’t happy. Loki huffed one last deep breath and stepped out from the sofa.

“Anthony.”

“You crazy fuck.” He spat. Loki jerked back a little, trying to keep his composure. “Get the fuck out of my home.”

“Please, calm down, and let me explain-“

“I got enough explaining from Clint. What did you brainwash him again or something? Holy fuck… holy fuck you did, didn’t you?”

Loki looked down at Tony’s hand and noticed the wedding band that left a mark in his finger, but no ring. Bruce said he had taken it off of Tony while he was sleeping after seeing Loki when he woke. ‘ _Just a precaution_.’ he said. Tony must have been too disorientated to notice it when he first woke up. Too alarmed by the sight of his enemy standing over his sleeping form. ‘ _Frightened of_ me _._ ’ Loki thought.

“Please, take a seat. You’re angry and we can talk this through.”

“No, no. You!” He pointed to Loki. “You did this!” Loki looked at the other man in wonder. “You brainwashed them! You brainwashed everyone!”

“Why would you think…”

“No, shut up! You won, didn’t you? You crazy shit! You took over my friends, and now you’re playing a little game with me. Think how mad can I drive him before he does something I can sit back and watch! Huh? Is that your play here? That’s why you changed my tower, isn’t it? That ‘A’ stand for _Asshole_ , by any chance?”

“Tony…” Loki knew that his husband was just confused about what was going on, it was clearly a lot to take in, but still hearing the words of anger coming towards him in a way he’d never seen before was overwhelming and heart-breaking to see coming from the man he loves.

“You know something, you bastard?” Tony’s voice was lower, deeper, deadly serious. “I’ve only said the word hate once before in my life, to my father, but I will happily say it again. I hate you. I fucking _hate_ you.” Tony was seething as he pounded out of the room, slamming every door in his wake. Loki stood shaking alone in the quiet room, wrapping his hand around his wedding ring tied to a necklace beneath his shirt as his tears fell and a choked sob escaped from his throat.

**7**

Loki tried to settle down after his exchange with Tony. He felt horrible at the thought of the man he loved struggling and feeling completely alone in a world he didn’t think he’s supposed to believe in. Even though he was prepared for such words to be said, he didn’t expect the ‘H’ word to ever show up. ‘ _Did Tony hate me when I came back to Midgard?_ ’ It took a month or two for things in the tower to be less strained, but Tony was one of the first to accept him. As much as Loki wanted to say that it was just the anger talking in Tony, he also knew that his husband was just in such a confusing place right now, and was trying to come up with a more sane resolution to what’s happening. Because the idea that Loki won and had brainwashed everyone was somehow more convincing to Tony than the fact that they had simply fallen in love.


	4. When You Need Me

**** **1**

Tony almost broke the door off of its hinges going into Bruce’s lab. The other man looked up at Tony and laid down his tools, knowing that anything that made Tony like this needed his full attention.

“Bullshit.” Tony spat. “Absolute bullshit.”

“Tony.” Bruce said, trying to keep Tony calm, because he didn’t want to have to raise his voice. It wasn’t always a great idea to have an energetic recovered alcoholic like Anthony Edward Stark be best friends with the secluded always-on-the-edge-of-his-seat Robert Bruce Banner. Tony found trouble often enough, and when you wanted to blow off steam to tend to do it to the person you trust the most, and when that person couldn’t let his heart rate get to a certain point unless he became _everyone’s_ problem, it was hard on both parties.

“What the fuck, Bruce?” He whispered, almost heaving. “I fucking _knew_ I saw him. I _knew_ it.”

“Slow down.” Bruce requested. “Saw who?”

“Loki!” Tony yelled a little louder, but the voice in the back of his head kept him from breaking a vase before the other guy came out to break his back. “That leather wearing maniac, that insane war lord, that… that fucking…”

“Tony.” Bruce was a little fretful at the fact that he was told about their other occupant so soon. Unless Loki was the one who went to Tony, or they accidentally walked into each other, he’s not sure. He just knew that he should not have let Clint and Thor give him that tour.

“Please tell me he didn’t brainwash everyone, I don’t think I can take being the only sane person left on Earth, because that would drive me _in_ sane, and I…”

“Tony!” Bruce raised his voice, but only loud enough to get Tony’s attention and enough to keep calm. He really didn’t want to be the _opposite_ of calm in his lab. “What are you talking about, everyone being brainwashed?”

“Loki. He won, he _must_ have. I can’t imagine how he could possibly end up here otherwise. Imagine it, I supposedly wake up with amnesia, and lo and behold, Loki lives here like he’s part of the family? This has _got_ to be a joke.”

(It had to be.)

“I know how crazy it sounds. We struggled to believe that he should be allowed to live here when it first happened, too. But there’s a whole ‘nother story to this. You _do_ have amnesia, Tony. Whether you believe me just yet or not is up to you, but give everything time. You’re rushing into finding everything out at once, and it’s not healthy. But Tony, no one is brainwashed. And if it gives you any kind of peace, if Loki were brainwashing us, our eyes would be blue, don’t you think? Remember Clint? And Eric?” Tony huffed, eyebrows furrowed more like a child now than a man on the verge of pulling out teeth.

“I don’t know, maybe. But what if he got some kind of mask to cover them up, and I just can’t see them? What if what you’re saying is just Loki trying to convince me? What…”

“Tony. Stop. You’re pulling at strings here. You going to drive _yourself_ insane with thoughts like these. No one is brainwashed, and no one is trying to convince you of anything. It’s early days at the moment, let everything sink in before you start jumping to any conclusions.”

“Fine. Fine.” Tony huffed. “But Jesus Christ, Bruce, why didn’t you say anything?”

“You woke up _yesterday_ , Tony. You’d go crazy at the idea, like you just did, and you’re still far too vulnerable to be up and about like this. I wanted you to heal, preferably for longer, but it is a little late for that now.”

“Well now I know.” Tony said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “So what, you just let the very man that tried to end all, have all in my tower?”

“It is part of his punishment. Or at least that’s what his and Thor’s father says. He wanted him to… live with the people he tried to defeat, or something like that. He couldn’t exactly fulfil that by being left in a cell in S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters, and _definitely_ could not be left in his own home somewhere. Our tower was the best place for him. We could keep an eye on him, and he can’t run off. And it paid off, Tony. He’s part of us now. He _is_ family.” Bruce thought that Tony would just take that as the idea that he’s part of the friend group, rather than the fact that he legally was family to Tony through marriage.

“This is so fucked up.” Tony said lowly, getting quite sick with everything.

“With us?” Bruce laughed. “What isn’t?”

**2**

“Pick up, pick up, pick up.” Tony mumbled to himself, tapping his leg repeatedly on the carpet.

“Hello?” The other voice on the phone answered, finally after the fourth ring.

“Pepper?” Tony asked, excited but worried. Was Pepper brainwashed, too? Was she safe? Where was she?

“Tony?” She sounded confused. Why wouldn’t she expect Tony to call her? Tony refused to believe in the atrocious idea that Loki had notbrainwashed anyone, because it just simply wasn’t plausible. It happened to Clint before, and he was fully capable of doing it again. And evidently he did. Tony was not going to sit by and just let all of his friends turn into puppets.

“Pepper, my God.” He huffed. “Where are you?” There was a pause on the phone, and Tony didn’t like it. His fears were starting to set in and make a nest.

“What do you mean?” She asked. “I’ve been watching the news, I heard you got hurt. Are you okay?”

“No, Pepper, I’m not okay.” He ranted. “Listen, come home, babe, I need…”

“What?” She interrupted.

“I said I need you to come home.” He repeated, but there was silence. “Pepper?”

“Tony, I’m busy at work, so can you just say what you need to say? I don’t need your games.” Tony was silent. He and Pepper had been on and off since he first hired her, and he knew that voice. The ‘ _we’re broken up so I don’t want to talk to you_ ’ voice.

“I just… wanted to ask if you’re doing okay?” Tony was testing the waters here, wanting to know what she’d say.

“If you’re implying in general, yes, I am great. Happy is doing good, too. Healing nice and quick. And thank you for the anniversary gift, it was very generous, and I’m surprised you remembered.” Pepper and Happy? He never imagined those two would actually get together, even after all of the latter’s pining. But… for them to get together, for there to be an anniversary, after Pepper and Tony breaking up, that would imply a passage of time. Far longer than the week that he was unconscious.

“Tony, you still there?” Pepper asked after she heard a groan coming from the phone. Tony laid his head in his hand as he mumbled a confirmation. Before Pepper hung up, she closed with “Well, like I said, I’m a very busy woman. Say hello to the rest of the crew for me, will you? And give Loki my love.”

Tony woke up a little more at that.

‘ _Give Loki my love._ ’ She had said. Tony. To give Loki her love. Why was it not implied in the point of saying ‘hello to the rest of the crew’?

When Tony was told that he (supposedly) had amnesia, he first believed that from that point on things we’re going to be clearer for him, but instead he was left more stressed and confused than when he woke up. Everything he had known had been taken away from him. The friends he had became too friendly to the point where it seemed like they had changed. Pepper had left him, his tower was no longer his own, and his lab was a mess of confusion and missing contraptions he was sure that he could once complete. He wasn’t sure if he was losing the world or if he was losing his mind. And for the first time since his parents died, he wished that he could go back in time.

**3**

“ _Well that’s the rest of my stuff.” Pepper sighed, brushing a loose strand back from her face. “If I missed anything just post it.”_

“ _I will.” Tony half smiled. He opened his arms in an invitation for a hug, which Pepper huffed and accepted. “You’ll call me once you’ve settled in with Happy, won’t you, pretty lady?”_

“ _Of course.” She said, glad to finally be moving in with Happy after a few months of dating. Staying at your (for the final time) ex-boyfriends tower wasn’t necessarily awkward considering the fact that she work_ _ed_ _for him, but receiving the offer to be able to move to Malibu for business was something she didn’t hesitate to accept._

_She also felt a little intruding on Tony and Loki’s new relationship which has blossomed like a rose in Spring. She and Loki had moved past their dodgy perceptions of each other pretty early on in Loki’s return, and she was honestly happy for the two of them. She and Happy had been working together more and more often after that and a long night turned into a date._

_When she left, Tony returned to his bedroom, admiring the new design. He flopped down onto his bed with a lazy groan. Loki smiled as he laid his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, placing his book on the counter where a framed picture of Pepper once stood._

**4**

Loki pressed record on the camera set up on a tripod before taking a seat in front of it.

“Hello, Tony.” He smiled. “It feels like we’re driving on a rocky road right now, and so I thought it might be best for me to make this video for you. You’re angry. And that’s okay. In fact I want you to be, because that means you’re being honest. Every minute is difficult lately, and I wish that you could have more time to settle in. But there are things that we _need_ to tell you before you find them out yourself. Important things that… you should not face alone.” Loki looked below the camera, into space, finding his words before looking back up. “We’re in the middle of a battle, Tony.” He paused, hoping that when Tony watched this video, he would be able to take it in. “Against a rogue AI named Ultron. From what I’ve seen, you’ve heard of him. You designed him. But you didn’t create what he is now. You _must_ believe that. And Ultron… he was the one who injured you. You fell from a building in Sokovia after one of his men malfunctioned your suit. I… tried to stop your fall but…” Loki sighed out a heavy breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds to gather himself before re-opening them. “We got most of his men, Tony. But he is still out there, somewhere. He’s healing, and we don’t know when he’ll return, but hopefully it won’t be too soon. You mustn’t threat over this. And if you must, you can watch the video footage from your suits cameras. Whether it be for closure or… for proof that it was not me who hurt you. Because I would never hurt you, Tony. And that is where I need to mention another topic. This one may be difficult for you to understand, and if you’re not ready, you don’t have to watch the rest of this video just yet. But I cannot guarantee that you will not find out otherwise.”

Loki paused for a moment here. When he completed the video, he would edit in a few clips of him and Tony together. Perhaps embracing, and kissing, sharing their bed, but he may leave out their wedding for another day. If Loki didn’t show this to Tony now, he was afraid that he would stumble across clips of them together later if he chose to look back at surveillance videos of himself. Loki was sure Tony would appreciate being told this in advance rather than to find out suddenly at a later time.

“Surprise.” Loki laughed, though not over-exaggerated, since he didn’t know what Tony’s reaction would be. “We have been together for… about two years. We were quick to move on after I came to live in the tower, and things… escalated from there. From our first kiss, to our first night – both on the same day.” He laughed. “Our first time calling each other boyfriend, to our first fight as a couple.” Loki paused, like he halted his speech, not wanting to let slip the truth of their marriage. “It was a shock to the group. It was a shock to the world. But they soon accepted us for what we wanted to be to each other.” He smiled at the camera. “I’m not expecting you to be that again, at least not any time soon. If you choose to never have me, I suppose I will have to deal with that, and find a way to move on. Because you are not obliged to fall in love with me twice. But for the sake of honesty, I do want you to know that I do love you. You need not fear me, or have to look over your shoulder whenever I am in the room, because I will keep my distance until things start to make sense. But when you need me, I will be there. Heal soon, my Anthony.” He got up, and with one last smile, turned off the camera.

**5**

Tony finally found some time to go down to his lab. The one place he could be that would help him right now. People were complicated, and you couldn’t poke and prod at people with sticks to get them to make sense. But his science always made sense. Even now, when it was two years beyond him, he could see what mechanisms he had made and say ‘ _Oh, that’s how I made that_ ’ or ‘ _This is how I fixed that equation_ ’. Because everything in this room was the product of his own mind. And when you lost yourself, the only thing better than what other people told you, was what you subliminally told yourself. It was like when one toy broke, you kind of expected to get another one on Christmas morning, even though it was wrapped up in a present, and couldn’t see what it was unless you opened it.

All of Tony’s suits looked like they were on an episode of Pimp My Ride: Tony Stark Special Edition. Features now take up a third of the space, and he’d come up with new mechanisms to put into it.

Lying on one long table was a severely damaged suit. It’s the latest mark, and this caught Tony’s breath a little. He took small steps towards it, and then around it. It’s covered in nicks and scratches, dents and missing pieces overall. The helmet looks dented slightly at one side, and both the hands and feet thrusters were completely broken. Like they were bashed into. Tony couldn’t imagine how something could cause so much damage to something two years beyond what he last knew of his Chitauri suit. Was he losing his touch? Did he take some kind of hiatus from building his suits? He’s struggling to imagine going straight to working on his suits right now after the last memory he had of the battle in New York, so maybe he felt this way when it happened the first time. But he’s still tens of marks higher.

Whatever it was… he has to be honest with himself, and understood that Loki could not have been able to conjure _this_ kind of story if he had brainwashed everyone, or anyone. He was hanging on to the words rather than the feelings with that theory. Tony could see himself making these adjustments and improvements to his suit. Not something Loki would know anything about. Maybe he was pulling at strings at the idea of Loki winning, and should believe what Bruce had told him. Because from what he last remembered, he and the Avengers were kicking Loki’s ass. Loki may be a Trickster, and a God of Mischief and a God of Lies, but to completely change Avengers Tower _and_ his lab _and_ mess with the Avengers’ heads to make them puppets in some kind of play was a little bit of a drastic move just to fuck with Tony’s head because he was hijack proof from his Arc Reactor.

He felt a slight twinge at the memory of him accusing Loki of doing such a thing, and S.H.I.E.L.D _d_ _id_ have written protocols for situations such as this. He found this out before the battle took full storm when he hacked into their database. As you do. He thought about apologising, but he’s just far too stubborn to get the words out, at least so soon after finding out that a supposedly ex-villain was living under your own roof. He didn’t even know what Loki was _like_. Did he regret doing what he did? Did he still do this kind of thing and just regularly get slaps on the wrist for it? He would eventually get caught up, he supposed. There’s not much he could do about it at this point. His body seemed fine other than the recent injuries so he supposed that it had not been too traumatic for him beforehand.

He didn’t want to overthink this. Overthinking was not something that Tony Stark did. When Tony Stark started overthinking he started to panic. And when Tony Stark started to panic, everything else broke with him. He would just have to take each day as it came, and hope that he was not wrong about Loki. He had seen what happened when you gave the wrong people the benefit of the doubt, but this situation was so unique it’s not even funny.

(Okay, maybe it was a little funny.)

**6**

Loki paced through his new living room, waiting until Tony returned to (their) his own, and there he would find the video Loki recorded waiting for him on his TV. Loki kept trying to remind himself to stay calm. Tony hadn’t made him feel this nervous since he was sentenced to live on Midgard. They soon started to bond over their love of the combination of science and magic, because Tony loved to show off, and Loki was willing to listen. But Loki still didn’t sleep for the first few nights, terrified he’d hear the haunting sound of the Hulk’s roars, the draw of Clint’s bow, the sheath of Natasha’s knives or Steve’s shield, or the power of Tony’s suit.

Loki jumped when he heard a click through the live video feed, and stopped to stare at the screen. Tony walked with the faint sign of a limp still in his step, slowing down when his TV showed a paused clip of an empty chair. Tony looked around, cautious, his fears setting in as he wondered who was on his floor, and if they were friendly, what else they did, and if they’re still here. He asked Friday for a perimeter sweep of his level, and when it’s cleared, he gingerly took the remote and played the video. Loki panned in after a few seconds to take a seat in the vacant chair.

“ _Hello, Tony.”_

Tony took a seat, not taking his eyes off Loki on the TV, and Loki not taking his eyes off Tony watching him do so.

“ _It feels like we’re driving on a rocky road right now, and so I thought it might be best for me to make this video for you.”_

Loki felt like he was pushing his boundaries, especially with knowing that this was live footage. Tony has been under everyone’s watch since he woke, making sure he was comfortable and cared for and taking his medicine and so forth and so on. Loki didn’t want to re-listen to what he had said either, so he decided to let Tony have this moment to himself, and turned off his screen. When Tony has finished watching the video, he hoped that Tony’s reaction when he next saw him would suffice.

**7**

About an hour later, Loki was sitting in the library reading. His video was only about ten to fifteen minutes long, so when that time passed without any information on Tony, he was a little anxious. Did Tony get a chance to watch it all, or did he stop it halfway through after he was disgusted to hear about him and Loki? Did he barely get a chance to watch even the beginning because he did not want to see his enemy’s face? Loki couldn’t bring himself to watch the security footage, so he immersed himself in his books as a distraction. When he heard the elevator open on the floor, Loki looked up from his book to see Tony standing, arms by his side, hands clenching and unclenching, staring at Loki. “Anthony?” Loki asked, wary as the man didn’t look as angry as he would have guessed.

“I want us to talk.” Tony said with determination, though no arrogance. “I want to know everything.”


	5. Is This A Test?

**** **1**

Loki offered Tony the seat on the opposite couch, he knew that he needed space right now, especially when they're expected to get a little more personal. The atmosphere in the room was a little awkward, but there was also a strange sense of comfort for the two of them. They now knew that all the cards had been laid out on the table, and it was only up to what gets dealt, and how you played them. But to Loki, this wasn't a game, this was Tony. The same Tony who took him into his home, and into his life. The Tony he's here to get back.

"Would you like some coffee?" Loki offered, rubbing his palms against the sides of his jeans, nervous to make progress. Tony considered this for a moment before nodding. Loki took this as a good sign ( _trust?_ ) and moved along to the adjacent kitchen to make what he knew was Tony's favourite brew. Maybe this was Stark’s idea a test, to see if he really knew the man, such as the things he liked and how he liked them. " _Test away,_ " Loki thought, " _I will prove to you how much I know you._ "

He started to reach for Tony's favourite mug, the one Loki made for him, green and covered with prints of his helmet. Iffy territory there, Tony didn't know about this just yet. He reconsidered, and went for his second favourite, an 'I Heart Science' mug, and poured the coffee, two sugars.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions.” Loki said, startling Tony lightly from his thoughts. “We don’t have to go over all of them at once, as it will be a lot to take in.” He returned and placed the mug on a coaster. “So we’ll just take it as it comes, okay?” Tony looked at the mug but doesn’t make any move to drink it, and gave a slight nod. Loki didn’t expect Tony to actually drink it either. He didn’t think the other man trusted him half as much to put anything Loki touched into his body, but rather to see if he would get it right. Well Loki was willing to take the score and carry on.

“Do you have any questions or should I just explain?” Loki wanted Tony to be as comfortable as he could be. This conversation was his lifeline, and he would not let Tony hold anything back.

“Maybe you ought to just tell me the story.” Tony said lowly, like a new kid in school’s first words. He sounded so drained, so tired of everything. This tug at Loki’s heart, and in any normal circumstances he would have held the man right there. But he couldn’t. He would not dare. Because this wasn’t about him, and doing anything to Tony would cause him more harm than good, so he remained in his seat, and took a drink of his tea.

“As you know, we have HD security cameras all around the tower, so if I explain a moment that you would like to watch back, please let me know. Okay?” Tony nodded again. “I suppose I should start… when I returned.”

**2**

“ _We don’t like this any more than you do.” Steve sa_ _id_ _with a hint of sympathy but also a hint of ‘this is our job, we don’t have to like it, but we have to comply’. “Just think of how this will work in our favour in the long run. We let Loki in, we train him to be a fully-fledged Avenger, and we have one less maniac on the streets and one more team member.”_

“ _And Loki has redeemed himself in Asgard.” Thor agree_ _d_ _, eager to have his brother return to Midgard. Half of him want_ _ed_ _to let Loki have a chance of doing good for the world he tried to take over, and the other half of him want_ _ed_ _to simply have his little sibling back, and try to fix what they had and make up for what they lost. “This will benefit us all.”_

“ _So let me just get this clear, Loki’s not getting put in another cage, like a real prisoner, but we’re giving him a nice fully furnished floor to himself?”_

“ _He will earn his place.” Thor sa_ _id_ _, not wanting to take a side._

“ _What about the families of the people who were killed by him? Huh?” Clint pace_ _d_ _around the room. “They have to suffer the loss_ and _deal with being homeless or struggling, while Loki gets a lavish new home and grapes fed to him on a silver god damn platter. I get it.”_

“ _No one is left homeless, Clint. Tony made sure of that.” Natasha sigh_ _ed_ _. “And as much as I don’t like the idea either, it does seem like it will do us good.” She look_ _ed_ _to Tony at this. The genius had been suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder since the Chitauri Battle ended. He was probably the one person out of the Avengers who was finding it the hardest to deal with. Bruce has been helping, and they meditate together, but Tony_ _found_ _immersing himself in his suits_ _kept_ _him sane for the most part._

_A few days later, after Bruce, Steve and Thor had decorated the spare floor that Loki_ _would_ _use, he came down from Asgard. Some people (Clint and Natasha) were staring at Loki with daggers in their eyes. Others (Tony and Bruce) could not bring themselves to even look at the God. But the rest (Thor and Steve) were attempting to welcome Loki in because they’re such perfect blonds with smiles as gold as their hair. They showed him around, and as some of them had banned Loki from going on their floors, they just showed who’s level was who’s on the elevator buttons. Loki found solitude in the library and the gym, where he could practice what limited magic he had left._

_Once, Thor urged him to socialise more, and Loki felt a kind of_ _offence_ _at the idea. But Tony had not come out of his lab for a while, and he wanted him to come up with the rest of the group to eat, so he sent Loki down to fetch him. The younger acknowledged the fact that he could just ask Jarvis to contact him, but Tony_ _would_ _only ignore it. Loki was also quite sick of walking on egg shells around everyone, and thought that Tony could be a good place to start a kind of civil connection with. Looking back at his conversation with him during the battle, he found his words to be easy to converse with. In another world, he could have befriended the man in the first place, but that was not up for discussion. The two had spoken minimally to each other so far, and there’_ _d_ _been no lashed out screams just yet, and they’re both hoping that it_ _would_ _stay that way._

“ _Stark?” Loki call_ _ed_ _, nervous to be in Tony’s lab, especially without him knowing. When you put an (ex?) villain into a super hero’s lab where he_ _kept_ _all of his weaponry, can you really expect a fight not to break out?_

“ _What are you doing down here?” Tony ask_ _ed_ _, body stiff and fingers twitching, ready to summon his suit. Loki whip_ _ped_ _his head around to look at the shorter man standing a few feet behind him. He rose his hands to waist level in a languid surrender._

“ _Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He sa_ _id_ _calmly. “The others have been worried that you’re not eating, so we wanted to invite you up for dinner.”_

“ _Are you going to be there?”_

“ _Well yes.”_

“ _Then no thanks.” Tony went back to feign working on a circuit that Loki didn’t quite understand. He held his soldering iron in his fist, using it more of a ready weapon than a tool._

“ _Then let me rephrase, it is not an invitation, I’m telling you that you need to eat.” Tony looked back up at him like ‘_ Really? You’re _telling_ me what to do? _’ But Loki’s face wasn’t scolding, it was soft. Nothing like Tony had seen before on the man._

“ _We will wait for you upstairs.” Loki said, to calm the wide eyed and furrowed brow man. He began to walk away, before turning back to the other man who had laid down his tool and was staring blankly at his project piece. “And Stark?” Tony looked back up at the God. “You need not fear me.”_

**3**

Loki got back up to refill his cup of tea. His dry throat caused him to drink quicker than usual. Tony’s coffee wasn’t touched, so he didn’t offer to make him another. When Loki wasn’t looking at the man, Tony winced from another flash. “ _You need not fear me._ ” He remembered him saying this in his video, as well as from the patches of fresh memory. Loki must be subliminally trying to elicit the recollections through his words.

When Loki returned, he bent over to place the mug on a coaster.

“What is that?” Tony asked. Loki looked up at him, seeing the other’s eyes at his chest. He looked back down and saw that his wedding ring tied into a necklace had fallen out from beneath his shirt and was hanging out in the open. Loki didn’t want Tony to see it on his finger, but could not ( _would_ not) dare part with it in some drawer, so he kept it beneath his shirt. But Tony had seen it, and he didn’t know about their marriage just yet. It was simply too soon.

If Tony and Loki weren’t so prominent with their relationship then he would have kept that a secret as well until it was a more appropriate time, but there were too many discoverable factors to take into account. Eventually Tony would wonder why Loki’s (temporary, hopefully) floor was a little bare for someone who had lived there for almost two years, and why the news kept asking why they weren’t spotted together as much, or why Loki was so interested in Tony’s health. Their wedding on the other hand was something they could hide somewhat. Loki had asked Friday to keep the clips of their ceremony private until notified otherwise. He hoped Tony wouldn’t know the difference, and hoped even harder that he wouldn’t notice them both wearing similar rings in any clips he may choose to watch. Loki thought for a moment that if Tony asked, he could say that he and Pepper were engaged for a little while but broke it off, but immediately put off the idea. First, he didn’t want Tony thinking about Pepper in that way, and second, he just wouldn’t lie to Tony about something like that. He simply wanted to know the truth and to have everything be honest from here on out. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing if Tony was going to be that observant, since he knew that they were together, and Loki would own up to the truth if Tony asked him so, but he’s not going to throw the information out on Tony until either the time was right, or he found out himself; and Loki could only simply hope for the former.

“This is… my mother’s wedding ring. She passed, recently.” He lied, but only about the ring. He hated how it felt, keeping the truth from the one person in all the nine realms that he could usually tell everything to. It felt bare, as he had told Tony before about his mother’s passing. And how instead of a wedding ring, Frigga received a sword, which Loki kept in his library, hung above the fireplace. But post-injury Tony didn’t know that, and he hoped he wouldn’t press on it.

“Is this a test, Tony?” Loki asked. It took a few seconds for Tony to think of a reply, because he’s not sure what Loki knew.

“Maybe.”

“It’s not to see how much I know about you, is it?” The question was more rhetorical than anything else. “It’s to see if I can prove to you things that I can’t make up. Things I can’t conjure from _brainwashing_.” He said the last word with ugly emphasis.

“It is less about what you can prove. I just want to find… some kind of peace.”

“ _Peace in our time._ ” His own voice echoes in his head. Another memory. He winced, but tried not to let it show. “ _Imagine that._ ” He coughed to hide it, and took a drink to wash the feeling away. Loki’s eyes flutter at this, and it took him a few seconds to realise that he drank the coffee Loki had made for him. Tony’s stomach curled for a second with a kind of guilty fear, but then he felt more sick at the thought than anything. “ _You need not fear me._ ” He felt like he should trust his words, but then again, he’s the God of Mischief and Lies. It was hard for him to know what he should believe, or even what he _want_ _ed_ to believe. Tony’s mind saw Loki as Ultron. Destruction. Control. Chaos. His heart said otherwise. To have faith, trust, or at least the benefit of the doubt.

“And I want to help.” Loki said, leaning forward, so he could be closer to Tony in a sense. “But I can’t help you as much as I want or need to unless you have some faith in me.”

“I want to. I’m trying to.” Tony mumbled. He took another drink, a smaller one; and he was not sure if it was a show of trust in Loki, or a way to prove to himself that he _could_ trust him. Either way, it eased the both of them.

Loki decided to take out a smaller Iron Man suit from the box next to him. It was less of a toy and more of a smaller scale model of an actual Iron Man suit. It could sizzle a hole through your hand if you weren’t careful. But another thing different about this suit, was the veins of green liquid flowing through it. More of a practical visual element than what it would be like full scale, but the science was the same.

“This is the first thing we built together.” Loki said, handing the figure over to Tony, who looked at the man before taking hold of it, looking it over.

“What is it supposed to do?”

“It was our first little blueprint of your later suits. It has all new features and improvements on previous models, and… we implemented my magic into them.” Tony looked up at this, a little heated at his own previous self. Would he risk having Loki enchant his suits? The one source of protection he has when fighting? How much of Loki’s magic did he understand, or even trust? Did he trust Loki _this_ much? “You taught me your science, and I taught you my magic. I made this for our six month anniversary, and we’ve applied it for battle and it helps significantly.” Loki hoped he didn’t, but in a way knew that Tony was thinking if Loki’s magic would have affected his fall in Sokovia. At first, he thought that maybe it caused more damage than good, but then he thought that it could possibly have saved his life. Tony hoped for the latter, but in that hope, that would be accepting the idea that he and Loki were partners, and he’s still struggling with that.

“Can I see the final run on a suit?”

“Of course.” Loki was happy that Tony was willing to look into the idea. He searched through the computer for the surveillance of the first successful test of their collaborated Iron Man suit, while Tony brought the smaller scale figure up to his face for a closer look. “Here we go.” Loki said in a low breath, bringing up the video to the TV.

**4**

“ _You ready for this?” Tony ask_ _ed_ _, excited. Taking Loki’s hand from the couch in the lab and drag_ _ged_ _him towards the newly developed suit. Tony jump_ _ed_ _up to sit on one of his desks, and wrap_ _ped_ _his arms around Loki’s chest from behind. “Jarvis, initiate the test sequence.” The Iron Man li_ _t_ _up, and from the ceiling_ _fell_ _metal scraps used as a target, and the suit incinerate_ _d_ _them at high speed. Loki turn_ _ed_ _his head back to Tony and smile_ _d_ _, as the smaller man holds him tighter. ‘_ Initiating weight drop. _’ Jarvis sa_ _id_ _. “_ In three… two… one. _” A large bulk of metal_ _fell_ _onto the suit, which impulsively raise_ _d_ _its arms, and green magic flo_ _wed_ _from its gauntlets, holding the heavy weight up by seemingly nothing, before it beam_ _ed_ _it to the end of the room. “_ Test successful. _” Jarvis announce_ _d_ _._

“ _Yes, baby!” Tony yell_ _ed_ _, arms shooting in the air like he won a race. “What did I tell yah?” He smile_ _d_ _at Loki, who turn_ _ed_ _to face the other with a face of content._

“ _I believe that it was I who told you it would work?” Loki return_ _ed_ _. Tony just scoff_ _ed_ _and_ _took_ _the God’s face between his hands and pull_ _ed_ _him in for a deep kiss, dragging him back onto the table, and burying his hands in his hair. Loki reache_ _d_ _down and-_

**5**

“Sorry.” Loki interrupted, pausing the video. He coughed and shifts in his seat. He was secretly pleased that Tony got to see them being intimate with one another, hoping it would shed some light on their relationship. Tony’s eyes were glued to the screen. “That was one out of… maybe ten suits that we applied both of our work to.” Tony nodded absently, eyes looking into space. “Tony? Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He said. “Yeah, I’m good.” Loki looked at the man, and would give anything to know what he was thinking. Was he stunned by the capabilities of his new suit, or by the image of him and Loki being passionate, or was it both?

“I think, um… we ought to carry this on later.” Tony suggested. He wasn’t angry at Loki, he simply had a lot to think about, and let what he was told settle with him. He also wanted to watch some clips by himself.

“That is fine.” Loki accepted. “I hope I have helped you, Tony. And you know where I am if you want to find me.” Tony nods at this, and gives Loki a tight smile. Tony’s finding things out faster than he should, but he also feels a sense of relief that he finally knows, rather than having it be ghosting over his head, with everyone speaking in low whispers around him.

**6**

When Loki went to bed that night, he actually got a good night’s sleep. He felt so relieved at being able to speak to Anthony again after a few tense days. Even though he was miles from where he _want_ _ed_ to be, he was where he _need_ _ed_ to be, and that was good enough for him right now. And Loki was smiling at the memory of taking Tony’s coffee into the kitchen sink, looking at the granules laying at the bottom of the empty mug.


	6. A Starman Waiting In The Sky

**** **1**

Tony spent the rest of his night in his living room, completely drawn to his computer and TV, watching and re-watching clips from the past couple of years that he had missed. He didn’t have the time go over a thousand days of footage, but he was skimming through important milestones. He watched Loki’s arrival, and he giggled a little at the look of himself when the God came into the room. He watched things he could not have seen if he wasn’t in the room, or if he didn’t watch the surveillance at the time. Loki settling into his new floor, not sleeping. No one sleeping for those first few days. He felt a sense of familiarity with the way the Tony on the screen was so cautious of the God, the way he was when he woke up.

He watched him and Pepper break up for what seemed to evidently be the final time. Unlike the previous attempts, they went down calmly in the end. Pretty soon after that, Loki started spending time in Tony’s lab. He kept Bruce in the room with him, knowing Loki won’t do anything stupid with the Hulk on standby. Tony watched himself teach Loki about his projects, and Loki teach him about his magic.

He checked over his shoulder before playing the clip that would eventually keep him awake that night.

**2**

“ _Evening, Anthony.” Loki greet_ _ed_ _, walking out of the elevator and onto the said man’s floor. Tony look_ _ed_ _up from his tablet in his kitchen, looking at Steve’s recipe for chicken chasseur. He eyed the two wine glasses in Loki’s hand, but no bottle. “I hope you have some drinks handy for us, because we are going to celebrate.” Loki_ _laid_ _the glasses onto the breakfast counter and leant_ _against it._

“ _Celebrate?” Tony question_ _ed_ _, wiping his hands on a tea towel and tossing it onto the counter. “What’s the occasion?” He reache_ _d_ _into his cabinet and pull_ _ed_ _out one of his best wines._

“ _I just came from a lengthy meeting with S.H.I.E.L.D who have decided to name me an honorary Avenger.” Loki sa_ _id_ _, teeth and pride showing. Tony’s eyes widened as he poured the dark liquid into both of their glasses._

“ _Oh wow.” Tony was stunned. It was something that was eventually going to happen, but Fury had been putting the brakes on it for months now._

“ _Mhm.” Loki agree_ _d_ _, taking a sip. “And that is not even the best part. Since I’m going to be required to fight, that means I get to have my magic back. All of it.”_

“ _Odin would agree to that?” Tony snort_ _ed_ _, knowing how tight the one-eyed King_ _was_ _when it comes to rules and regulations._

“ _He has to, we’re on Midgard. Abide by the laws on which the land you stand.” He quoted with an even posher voice than he already ha_ _d_ _._

“ _Well, I will toast to that.” Tony smile_ _d_ _, clinking his glass with the man before taking a drink. “You know this means that you have to attend_ all _meetings from now on, right?” Tony joke_ _d_ _._

“ _What, like you do?” Loki quip_ _ped_ _before laughing, head thrown back. “Please, Anthony. I agreed to a title that grants me my freedom, and lets me fight by your side without public questioning, not paperwork or talking about the obvious.”_

“ _Some things need to be talked about.” Tony offer_ _ed_ _._

“ _Hmm.” Loki eye_ _d_ _the man. “Like your project?” Tony’s eyes falter_ _ed_ _a little, but put on a winning Stark smile. He had secretly been working on a new suit for Loki to use in battle. Part of it was for ethical reasons, and another part was because he didn’t think it was great that the people of the world was seeing Loki fight in the same outfit he wore when_ he _was the one on the antagonist side._

“ _What project?” He_ _said_ _, voice a little higher than usual in a mock of confusion._

“ _Project Starman?” Loki hinted. “Are all your projects song names, Stark?”_

“ _Do you always turn back to calling me Stark when you’re being sassy?” Tony returned, leaning over the small table lazily._

“ _Only with you.” Loki whisper_ _ed_ _. He didn’t intend for things to get quite intimate when he came up for a drink, but Tony’s floor_ _did_ _have the best lighting in the tower, and it let the sunset in at just the right angle to make Tony shine. Loki_ _found_ _himself not taking his eyes off the others face, eyes slowly observing every arc and curve on Anthony’s face. Tony let him, and couldn’t help but bring himself closer, maybe so Loki could get a better look, or so he could look at Loki, or…_

_Or…_

_Loki filled the space between them, lips on lips. It was gentle, nothing like Tony was used to with the women he would bring home, or even Pepper. Tony realised that every muscle in his body was naturally clenched, and it made him ease up, even when he_ _felt_ _safe. Because Loki_ _made_ _him feel safe. Tony pushe_ _d_ _closer, and Loki put a hand on Tony’s cheek, keeping him level. When Loki start_ _ed_ _sliding his fingers on his other hand into Tony’s hair, the shorter man pull_ _ed_ _back a little, but Loki d_ _id_ _n’t take his hands away._

“ _I’m not going mad, am I?” Tony ask_ _ed_ _._

“ _If you are, then I am too.” Loki breathed. Tony nodded at this. He got his answer, and he wanted to get back to it. He leaned back into Loki, their faces colliding and pushing and breathing and biting and God, how Loki really earned his name as a Silvertongue._

“ _We should…” Tony breathed._

“ _Yes, we should.” Loki huffed quickly. He grabbed Tony’s hand and pulled him towards the inventor’s bedroom, both of them already pulling off each other’s clothes before the door had closed._

**3**

Tony could not bring himself to change the footage to the bedroom to watch what happened next. It was pretty self-explanatory. He was drowning in his own head. Everything was seeming so true to him, but also like a dream that he couldn’t wake up from. Even though everyone had been telling him just how serious he and Loki were together, actually seeing the video of it for the first time came at him with a mind-numbing realisation. He took a deep heavy breath and groaned, letting his hands go up to his face and leaning back in the couch, letting himself sink in.

“Peace in our time, my ass.” He mumbled to himself.

**4**

Over the next couple of days, Tony and Loki only saw each other if they run into each other when passing through the main floor either in the kitchen or the living room, because Tony has no reason to go onto Loki’s floor, and would not let Loki on his own floor. Loki was feeling a little more at ease with the fact that Tony hadn’t started any more screaming matches or thrown any insults his way. Tony has even been able to look Loki in the eye, albeit briefly, and gave a small nod of acknowledgement. Bruce had assured Loki that he and the others had been giving Tony mini-therapy talks if you will and it helped him keep grounded while he came to terms with everything.

One night, Natasha invited (ordered) Tony to join them for dinner; because apparently that was what they do often enough nowadays, but Tony was not sure if that was the truth or if she was just saying that to get her way. Either way, Tony was hungry, and he felt oddly comfortable around the other Avengers. Remnants of his past self, he supposed.

“He keeps looking at me.” Tony whispered to Steve, picking up his plate from the kitchen counter. Steve looked over at Loki, who was sitting by himself on the couch.

“That’s because he loves you, Tony. You tend to look at people you love.” Steve stated sarcastically. “Go sit with him.”

“What is this, a high school lunch break?”

“Just go.” Steve pushed him. Tony sighed, but didn’t complain. He said to himself that he’s only sitting there because the seat next to him was Tony’s favourite and designated spot anyway, and that maybe Loki already knew that.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Loki breathed, a delicate smile on his cheeks. If Tony was pre-amnesia Tony he would have peppered that face with kisses, but this wasn’t those days, so he just took a seat and pretended to eat like Loki wasn’t still looking at him. And he would especially ignore the fact that Loki scooted just that little bit closer to him. He’s grateful that he’s not necessarily afraid of Loki any more, it’s more of a feeling like there’s a spider in an awkward spot on the wall. You can’t get rid of it, but you still have to keep an eye on it every now and again to make sure it doesn’t scatter.

“How have you been feeling?” Loki asked, voice too soft that Tony wanted to tell him to not talk to him like he’s made of glass, but he also knew that Loki was just trying to show a laxer side of himself and he should be grateful for that.

“Head ache has gone for the most part.” Tony squeezed some ketchup onto the side of his plate. “Bruises are fading, cuts are healing, so all in all I’m doing pretty great.” He also took the top bun off of his burger and poured more ketchup on it. “I’m still stuck in the future though, so if you find an exit, give me a holler.” He joked with coarse humour, winking at Loki as he took a bite of out his burger. Loki gave him a thin smile, and looked down at his own plate, seeing he’s been pulling at the same onion ring since Tony walked into the room, and left it in pieces. He saw the pickle he picked up absent-mindedly, and remembered how he always gave his to Tony since he liked them. He didn’t know if it would be a good move to make just yet, but the only way to move forward is through, he supposed. He slid his fork underneath it and passed it over to Tony’s plate, not waiting to hear or see a reaction because he felt uneasy after he did it. Lately the familiar had been becoming more and more alien to him, and he could not wait for the feeling to go away.

“I’m guessing you know about my pickle fetish.” Tony joked, but the latter word gave them both a nudge into a dirtier mind set. ‘ _Let’s keep it PG, Tony._ ’ He said to himself, but he and Loki laughed it off, the God confirming his statement.

Loki was reminded of how much Tony loved his husband’s cooking. Loki always had a touch at mastering everything he put his hands on. Perhaps when they’re spending more time with each other, Loki could cook him some of his favourite meals; it may even help with the recovery of his memory from all of the familiar senses. Tony had been doing a lot better a lot sooner than anyone had expected. Loki thought he would have to put up a defensive fight in the early parts, but he may have to thank the Avengers for helping Tony eased into the new world and avoid having glass shards tossed at him or having a knife in his throat while he was sleeping.

They finished their meals in an endless chatter amongst them all. Tony and Thor were going back for seconds, fighting over who could finish first (with Steve scolding them like children). Loki was chatting with Natasha and Clint, the latter showing off ultrasound pictures of his wife’s pregnant belly. Clint was apologising to the other assassin like it was his fault that it was going to be a boy rather than a girl and can’t continue her namesake, and settles for Nathaniel rather than Natasha.

‘Traitor.’ she mumbled.

Even though they were not conversing, Loki spent the whole meal being wholly aware of Tony’s presence next to him, not being able to be so close since he was sleeping by his bedside when he was still unconscious from the accident. It’s hard enough not being able to be so close to your boyfriend for a period of time, but this was his _husband_. Married couples have fights all the time, Tony and Loki included, but when your partner suddenly and unexpectedly fell _out_ of love from you, it was a huge shock and a giant adjustment. So times like this, when he just got to _be_ , Loki refused to take it for granted, and basically soaked in the familiar feeling.

He was so distracted, that he almost didn’t hear Tony leant over and lowly ask him if he wanted to serve the dessert with him. And why the bloody hell would Loki say no to that? They scooped out the ice cream from three different tubs. Strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla. Loki routinely took two chocolate and one strawberry and dropped them into a bowl for Tony along with a tea spoon rather than a table spoon (since he knew he likes to draw out eating ice cream, because ‘ _why rush heaven_ ’), sliding it over to him.

“Look at you.” He praised. “Is there anything you _don’t_ know about me?” He joked with a smile.

“Your height. Even though I can make an approximation on that, as you’re far too prideful to tell me the exact number.”

“Sounds like me, alright.” Tony approved, taking his bowl into the living room balancing another three on his arm, but not picking them up without patting Loki on the back. He forgot for a moment who the God was, and was simply being extroverted Tony, but his hand didn’t explode or burn on impact, or anything else over exaggerated, and both he and Loki walked out the room beaming.

**5**

Later that night, Loki went down to the familiar lab he had spent the past couple of years working in… and also _not_ working in. He pressed in the code Tony applied onto the door a little while after Loki first walked in when he first moved in, but soon was granted the code when they grew closer. When he was about to push the door in, the code flashed red. He furrowed his brows, and re-entered the code. Same flash. He knocked on the glass door and Tony came around the corner, grease wiped on his jeans and his torso… wearing no shirt. He halted for a second before opening the door enough for him to peek his head through.

“Yeah?” Tony asked, breathing a little deep, obviously immersed in his work.

“It’s getting late, won’t you go to bed soon? I struggle with sleeping knowing you’re not getting enough rest.” Tony’s eyes flickered between the other man’s.

“I’m uh, I’m not that tired.” Loki huffed a laugh in disbelief at this.

“Come now, Tony, I’ve dealt with this more times than you know.” Tony slumped a little at this. “ _I don’t have any leverage, do I?_ ” He thought.

“Fine, but let me finish up in here first, okay?”

“Can I come in?” Loki asked, hand on the door before Tony could close it. Tony considered Loki for a moment. Loki tilted his head, as though saying ‘ _You really think I’m going to do anything?_ ’. There’s a silent agreement between the two, though Loki can tell Tony wasn’t ecstatic about having him in there just yet. And maybe if it wasn’t for their last conversation, and the videos he had watched the night before, he probably would have said no. But Tony didn’t feel necessary fear towards Loki any more. Seeing them… getting at it on the workshop table (that Tony has now folded into the corner of the room) and on tape has left a strange taste in Tony’s mouth, and seeing the physical act of them being together, rather than just everyone telling him they were together, made the whole idea of the future a little bit easier to believe and live in.

Having Loki in his lab felt like having your first boyfriend or girlfriend coming into your bedroom for the first time. What were you supposed to do? How deep were the conversations going to be? Tony knew he shouldn’t worry over such things, but he didn’t know what Loki _want_ _ed_ from him. Probably to just be around him for now, but how long until Loki started asking questions? Even though they had been together for almost two years, would Loki still wait for him? Did Tony _want_ Loki to wait for him?

“Sorry about…” Tony motioned to his chest, implying the loss of shirt. Loki looked down at where Tony motioned, smiled, and looked down to the floor, mentally denying that he’s blushing. “Used it as a rag.”

“Here.” Loki offered, walking over to one of Tony’s shelving units, opening a drawer, and pulling out a clean tank top for Tony. When he handed it to him, Tony looked at Loki a little confused for a moment. “We kept spare clothes down here when we… you know.” Loki was a little giddy at the idea of being able to bring something like this up, but knowing not to push it because he didn’t want Tony to feel like he’s getting to close to his personal space in his lab, aka, the one place he should have personal space.

“Surprised I hadn’t thought of that earlier.” Tony praised.

“Well, I suppose this was your first real long-term relationship where you’d have the person spend so much time down here.” Loki said easily, and once again he was not sure if it was the right thing to say or not, but Tony didn’t press on it, so he left it there. “What have you been working on?” Loki asked, fingers running across papers and screws and metal scraps.

“Just… blueprints that I’ve found. It is the only thing that lets me feel like I’m ahead of where I was before, since not even _that_ Tony had done it yet, you know?”

“That’s smart.” Loki smiled. “It is good to form new memories, as opposed to always trying to remember the old ones.”

“Exactly.” Tony agreed, feeling a weird sense of familiarity at the way he and Loki could handle a conversation. It made him feel a sense of safety in his mind, with the thought that he still had the memories in there somewhere, just safely locked away. ‘ _They’re just shy._ ’ He joked to himself. “There’s a few modifications I haven’t integrated into the new suits, and thought I’d give them a shot. See what I’ve still got going on up here.” He tapped on his temple, and Loki smiled at him. He did that a lot. Tony supposed that that’s okay. Would he smile like that if he knew that Tony had seen what he saw last night? Or at the fact that he had no sleep over it?

“Do you need a hand?” Loki offered, the tone in his voice suggesting that he could give valuable insights, and Tony knew that even though he wanted to be able to finish some of these projects by himself, he also knew that he was struggling with one of his other blueprints, and maybe he shared it with Loki before he forgot them, so maybe he _could_ help.

“I’ve been having a little bit of trouble with this.” He rustled through the mess of papers on a desk, pulling out a design. “Any chance we did them together?” Loki held back the feeling of glee at this, too. Tony was openly acknowledging the truth that they were together, and he’s relieved that Tony didn’t hold on to the whole _brainwashing_ idea for very long. He studied the blueprint, attempting to recognise it.

“Yes, it is a plan for one of our science and magic collaborations to fit onto our suits. That’s probably why you’re seeing a bunch of gibberish.” Loki smiled, not seeing the design in a few weeks. He and Tony were so excited about this piece. It was a piece to fit onto both of their gauntlets that will allow Tony’s repulse beam and Loki’s magic to connect once they hit mid-air, specifically to wrap around a target to render them paralysed. It was work in progress, but it was plausible. Loki explained the use to Tony, alongside what each fragment did in the piece, teaching him snippets about his magic as a result. Tony was an easy student, just like the first time he showed him, and soon they were talking more about how to better the design, adding and scrapping ideas and theories.

Loki leaned back and stretched, checking the time and finding that it was rather late. He motioned his head upstairs to Tony, who sighed.

“We’ll do more tomorrow?” He asked, almost like an excited kid. Loki felt like ruffling his hair, but kept his hands to himself.

“Of course.” Loki said. “But for now? Sleep.” They shared the elevator up, which landed first to Loki’s floor.

“Good night, Anthony.” Loki said. But Tony held his hand on the door to stop it from shutting and Loki looked back.

“Thank you, Loki.” Tony said, nervous and preparing his words. “For giving me space. And for giving me company. It was nice having you in the lab tonight. I uh… apologise for being angry for the first part when I came to, I’m sure you understand that though.”

“Of course.” Loki said with such honesty, and that same soft voice is back. But it didn’t irk Tony; in fact, it’s actually rather nice for a quiet night like this.

“And if it means anything… I am proud of you, Loki.” Loki felt butterflies in his stomach. He could not take his eyes off the man.

“You are?” He said, so gently that it made Tony lower his voice too.

“Yeah. And I don’t want to believe that you’re still a bad person. I want to trust my own mind, and everyone else’s, I just… I just gotta get there, is all. And I’m sorry that it’s taking longer than you or the other’s wanted.” Loki tilted his head at the man.

“Tony, I regret every day that I didn’t try to help you before you fell. You asked me to come, and I didn’t. I said I was _busy_.” He said the word with such distaste and loathing. “But I know that I could not have known what would have happened. I think it is just instinct to take the blame when you or the people you love get hurt. Ultron wanted you wounded, and he succeeded. _He_ is to blame. Not you, and not me. It is only us who has to face the consequences.”

“Sometimes I don’t know what I’m fighting for.” Tony admitted. He felt so vulnerable in front of Loki, but he didn’t care. Hell, he _wanted_ to be vulnerable. He _earned_ the right to be. He wanted to be open to the other man. He didn’t care what the possible repercussions would be. “I just wish I could go back in time.” Loki heard that voice a few times before, and not once did Tony go to sleep at night feeling the same sadness, because Loki was always there for him.

“I know the feeling. The depression that sets in after experiencing vast change.” Tony looked up at him to listen. “When I first came back to New York after my punishment, I had no idea what would become of me. If I would have to be here forever, or if I would ever be able to visit home, or at least be able to find peace in the tower full of the very people who had seized me. I was scared. I had no one. But you don’t have to be scared, Anthony. Because you’re not alone. You have your friends. And you have me. And I learned something whilst being here, being one of the many things you taught me, and that is that it’s okay to lose, as long as you fight for it.” Tony nodded at the man, taking in everything he was saying. It felt nice to have Loki talk to him like this, like he wanted to help. Because he did. Tony knew that.

“And I’ll wait.” Loki said. “I’ll always be here. I’ll always wait for you.” Loki wasn’t sure if he was talking in his head or out loud, but by the way Tony broke his posture a little, he realised he spoke the words. As much as Tony wanted to let Loki in, Loki also wanted to be open with Tony, and by just doing so, he was eased in the idea that he believed that Tony would _let_ him.

Tony went to bed that night, once looking over at the other side of the bed that up until the past couple of weeks was Loki’s. He’s sure that if Loki slept there every night for almost two years, he must miss it. Tony considered the idea of letting him onto his floor, as it was a start. He found that as long as he was still in control, it was an idea he was willing to make possible if the God needed it; since Loki had gone to such extents for him.


	7. Picture Perfect

**** **1**

Loki started spending a lot more time in Tony’s lab over the next few days, and after a while Tony gave him the new code to get in. He told himself that it was just because he was tired of having to go and open the door for Loki all the time, but he also knew that he was starting to loosen up around the guy. It was a lot sooner time wise that he was starting to be calm around the God compared to when it happened during the first go. But that was just because this time around, everyone gave him the heads up that it’s all good, you don’t have to sit in that cage for long. And the atmosphere was contagious. Tony was not a man who liked to sit and brood, even if he tended to do it often enough.

They had been working on their gauntlet appliance for a few days, and it was in the process of actually getting made. Tony was starting to think about what was going to happen once it worked and whether or not it would get applied to his suits just yet. That would give him a connection to Loki in the battlefield, and he hadn’t fought since his fall. Since Ultron went into hiding, where he could be healed at any moment, ready to strike the group in the middle of their time healing their comrade. A bit rude, if you asked them. But would Tony be okay with having the piece? As much as he believed in the truth now, it was still a big step. Like having their shoelaces tied together.

(Like a wedding ring.)

You step, I step. You fall, I fall. United in battle, like partners in crime. He thought back to Loki’s tape he made for him, telling him how things were, and he couldn’t help but wish that somehow his past self knew that something like this could happen and would make a video for him, saying “ _Yes, you_ can _trust Loki, and you are happy, and there is no need to worry so much._ ” But he supposed that if he was going to wish for anything, he would wish that this whole thing had never happened at all. Maybe his life as a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist turned lover of a villain needed spicing up a little over the last few months. Because being a super hero got a bit boring sometimes, and there was nothing like forgetting the most recent developments in your life to keep you on your toes.

One moment that kind of jolted Tony’s mind was when Loki came down to his lab for the fifth consecutive day, and Tony didn’t feel the need to look up when he heard him. In his head, Loki was his enemy and they were ready to kill each other a few weeks ago in memory time, and now he was letting his… _friend_ walk through his safe place all willy nilly? Well, no one said Tony Stark’s life wasn’t crazy. But not feeling the urge to at least look up was one of the milestone moments on his relationship with the God.

“How much sleep did you get?” Loki asked, almost like it was routine.

“I came up only a couple hours after you left.” Tony lied. He still liked to test Loki, who gave him a look that either said ‘ _I don’t believe that, so tell me the truth_ ’ or ‘ _I watched the security footage and know you’re lying, so tell me what I already know_ ’. Tony just smiled and drank the coffee Loki brought down for him. Another thing he guessed he was fine with now. No dramatic fear of getting poisoned or stabbed in his back or suffocated in his sleep. He was less concerned about what Loki could or would do, and more focused on how comfortable he was becoming around him. The human mind was unpredictable. And coming from a scientist, that’s saying something. “I wanted to get most of this done, so it could be ready for today. And success!”

“Fantastic.” Loki sighed with relief, leaning on the table Tony was working on. “I was starting to think your science didn’t like my magic.”

“Please,” Tony drew this word out with a drop of sass. “With my suit? It practically _feeds_ off of it. And when this Ultron guy gets a taste of this bad boy?” He laid the device on his bare forearm, pretending on where it would be once it is attached to the suit. He made a mock sound effect of the device propelling. “He’ll be so jealous, he’ll surrender just to know how we did it.”

“I wish he would do so now, and put all of our minds at ease.” Loki said. He did worry about Ultron (not as much as he worries about Tony, but he does worry a lot lately) and thought about how long it would take until he finished rebuilding himself and his army. Part of him wanted Ultron to just come out already so he could finish him off and stop over thinking, although the other part of him wanted the rogue AI to take it’s sweet time so Tony could finish healing and join in on destroying it once and for all.

“You’re gonna like this.” He said with excitement. “One more snip, and… there!” Loki looked back over Tony’s shoulder, seeing the contraption the size of a double A battery laying in front of him.

“It’s done?”

“It’s done.” He says. “…I think.”

“Well then, let’s try them.” Loki was happy that Tony slid back into working on projects with ease, knowing that science had always been the best therapy for him. Loki slipped on his gauntlet, and Tony called for his, but spared the rest of the suit. They applied the mechanisms and clicked them into place.

“You ready for this?” Tony asked. Loki gave him a smile that said ‘ _I’m always ready_ ’ and Tony called for a target, which dropped from their test area. Tony counted from three to one, and they both shot their weapon, projecting through the air, aiming at the metal scrap and waiting for what unfortunately never happened. Tony’s beam and Loki’s magic were supposed to connect and wrap around the test piece, but it sparked at the touch and disappeared, leaving the scrap undamaged. They both dropped their arms, Tony sighing, but not giving up.

“Worth a shot.” Tony gave Loki a side-eyed giggle. “Get it?”

“Yes, I get it. Hilarious, Tony.” Loki pretended to be ashamed of the pun, but couldn’t help a giggle escaping. Tony took it as a little celebration at making him laugh.

He took the device back off of his gauntlet, taking it up to his eye and glaring at it like it owed him money. With this being a collaboration piece in all, it felt nice knowing that he wasn’t doing his first project alone. “ _And not one of us can do it without the others._ ” Jarvis’… no Vision’s voice boomed through his head. He had not had a flashback of sorts in a few days. And as unwelcoming the pain of it was, he welcomed the _idea_ of a memory, almost feeling like they were slowing down (not what he wanted), despite the fact that he didn’t get good vibes from the memory itself (also not what he wanted). It was also troubling that he was finding little correlation between these flashes, no set time frame or conversation topic. He seemed to find that it was trigger words that set off specific memories. Not wanting to do a project alone led to the quote not being able to do something without others.

“ _I’m not Ultron._ ” to “ _Ultron. In the flesh._ ”

“ _I just want to_ _find some kind of peace._ ” to “ _Peace in our time._ ”

He had had multiple of these since he awoke, and they were all that Tony had in relation to some kind of recollection of the missing time. They came at random and unpredictable times so he wasn’t able to force himself to recall memories whenever he wanted to. If he was to make _some_ kind of connection between the flashes, he would say they’re all said after Ultron went rogue but before the Sokovia battle. Not that helpful considering the fact that the battle had already happened, and that Tony already knew what was coming. He supposed that these recollections weren’t decided by his inner brain because he needed them, or that they would be useful, they are simply things that happened that Tony was beginning to remember. And he would take a useless memory over no memory at the end of the day.

**2**

Tony and Steve were in the gym later that afternoon. The brown haired man assured him that his body had healed to tip top condition, and that it was only his head that was still on the ropes, and felt ready enough to get back to exercise and battle preparation. He found that Steve was a great combat partner. The blond also preferred hand to hand combat, and gave helpful constructive criticism on how to improve his fighting skills. Tony wanted to get up to date on how he had learned to fight from his missed time.

He felt like an underdog when he heard about Ultron. He had built the thing, not with the intention of it ever having a physical body or turning evil, but he still designed it from the beginning nonetheless. Physically, he was a lot like an Iron Man suit, and generally had the same functions and capabilities. Pre-injury Tony could be able to counter this since he knew what Ultron could do and could not do. But since he lost his memory, he didn’t even know about his _own_ latest suits well enough to battle it with confidence, let alone Ultron who now seemed to have a mind of his own. If there was anything worse than battling your own creation, it was battling your own creation which you had no recollection of. Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.

Tony got winded the first few times around, and he gave the Army Veteran kudos for going at him like a soldier, because they both knew well enough from experience that there was no such thing as mercy on the battlefield. Starks were always quick learners, and Tony began to counter Steve’s punches soon enough.

“You’re getting better, Tony.” Steve praised. “Pretty soon you can train with your suit on.”

“Maybe next week. I still want to get the hang of this.” Tony said, huffing for breath. “If I can’t fight with _out_ my suit, I can’t find _with_ my suit.”

“Didn’t take you for an insightful kind of guy.” Steve admired.

“Yeah?” Tony smiled. “How do you like the old me?” Steve laughed at this, tossing a towel halfway over his shoulder.

“I hear you and Loki are getting along.” Steve started. Tony sank a little, not wanting to always be in a room without the conversation of Loki being brought up, like the two are joined at the hip. Not that he didn’t like the God, but just that he had as much catching up to do with the other Avengers as Loki, and the scales seemed a little tipped. Steve saw Tony roll his eyes and huffed a laugh. “Not that I’m starting. I just wondered if you were okay with how free we’re letting him be with you, if you wanted us to tell him to back off a little or not?”

“No, I’m… I’m used to him by now, I think.” Tony answered, taking time to genuinely consider his answer. Steve accepted this, and Tony thought of how the two of them were when they first met. Tony spent a lot of his childhood either loving or hating Captain America, and after meeting him on S.H.I.E.L.D’s Helicarrier for the first time, the two didn’t exactly get along. But he found that he liked Steve’s company, and discovered there’s a soft man under all that soldier; despite it showing all along. “Are you gonna grant me access to the elite time travellers club now, Rogers?”

“The what?” Steve asked.

“The time travellers club. We are both men of lost time. Only difference is, is that you got to keep your looks.”

“ _Please_ , you pride yourself on your looks more than your own genius.”

“That’s true. I do. I was trying to be pleasant.” Tony joked. As Steve unwrapped the bandages wrapped around his knuckles for fighting, Tony looked over at him, considering him for a moment or two. “Let me ask you this, did I ever apologise?”

“Apologise for what?” Steve asks absent-mindedly.

“For being a douche. For the things I said to you on the Helicarrier when we first met, saying that you were an experiment. I believe my exact words were ‘ _Everything special about you came out of a bottle_ ’?” Steve zipped up his bag and laughed to himself.

“Tony, I fought in the war. Believe me, the last thing any soldier can be sensitive to is an ill comment. Language, now that is where you kiss the line.” He joked, and Tony huffed a laugh. “But you don’t need to apologise. What’s done is done, and we have all moved past our troubles.”

“But _did_ I?” Tony queried. Steve sighed and considered the shorter man.

“Not in words. But in being my friend.” He was too much of a good guy that it gave you a sweet tooth.

“Well, at the end of the day, I’d sleep better knowing that I had said that I am sorry. So I am. Sorry, Steve. You’re a good man.”

“Well if we’re going to go there, then I’m sorry, too. For the things that _I_ said.” Steve gave him a pat on his back, slinging the bag over his shoulder and heading for the door. Tony stayed in the room for a minute or two, and thought that even though the future had a lot of closed doors, it also had a lot of open ones. And he was really glad that he had been able to call people like Steve Rogers a friend.

**3**

“Still working on it, brother?” Thor asked, walking into Loki’s office on his floor, seeing the younger God leaning over the table to analyse his half of the project with Tony. After the malfunction during the test, he wanted to check that it wasn’t his magic that was causing the issues. He worked on his enchantments better in the quiet, so he took it to his private quarters rather than working on it in the lab.

“More like _it’s_ working _me_.” He sighed. “My magic just does not want to bond with the damned thing.” Thor watched as he filled the vial inside the contraption with magic. Usually Loki was delicate with how he used his ability, but now he just looked like a man trying to force toothpaste back into a bottle. Thor would find it funny if it didn’t worry him a little.

“You’re stressed.” He noted.

“I am not stressed.” Loki _was_ stressed. And stubborn, too. When he picked up a paper with some notes on it, it knocked over his tea. “For the love of!” He cursed. “Fine. I’m stressed. But there is not much that I can do about it right now.”

“This project is all you have done over the past week, you must rest.” Loki wasn’t having any of Thor’s care. He does not understand how the blond can remain calm with everything that is going on.

“We need to be prepared for in case the worst should happen, Thor.”

“And what is the worst that could happen? Hm? Is it Ultron coming back? No, it is not. It’s Tony, isn’t it?” Loki looked up at Thor when he said this, waiting for him to explain. Thor took a seat opposite Loki. “You want _him_ to be prepared. You want _him_ to be ready. You fear that Ultron will come before Tony is healed and hence cannot fight for what he did to him.”

“He deserves to kill what he designed for damaging his mind.” Loki said lowly.

“He does.” Thor agreed. “And we will stand beside him when this war returns. But until then, we have no control over how long it will take for Tony to heal. You mustn’t worry yourself. And this,” Thor lifted the device to eye level. “is not going to make it any easier. For you, _or_ for Tony.”

Loki took a few moments to sit and let his mind gather. Thor patted him on the shoulder, and left him to be alone.

As much as Loki hated being wrong when Thor was right, he knew that his brother’s words were true, and were for his own good. He had been entirely focused on Tony lately, trying to help the man with everything. He knew that smothering Tony was not going to help him fall back in love with him, but neither would leaving him completely alone. He needed to find the right balance, and stressing out when the smallest of details do not go according to plan had evidently not been helping. Loki was just going to have to wait for what Tony is going through to pass on its own accord.

Loki was waiting, but Ultron wouldn’t be.

**4**

Miles away in Central Europe, in an abandoned building in Sokovia, deep below the basement in what was a warehouse for what used to be an illegal drug trafficking base, laid tables of screws and machines running seemingly by themselves, welding and soldering. In the front of the room, watching on a chair, was Ultron. He looked around the room at the busy metal coming to life, and smiled.

**5**

That night, Tony spent the late afternoon to early evening in the lab, putting finishing touches on his device. “Hey, Friday, can you ask Loki if he can get his gauntlet for me? I wanna test them out together.” Tony asked absent-mindedly. He thought it was finally done. His first creation from start to finish after his injury. He felt a sense of accomplishment that’s stronger than he usually felt, and he was proud.

“I am sorry, Mr Stark. Loki is working on a magic technique and has asked me not to bother him unless it is an emergency.” Friday said over the speaker. Tony groaned that was far too over exaggerated, and his eyes almost rolled to the back of his head. You wouldn’t think someone who spent days in their lab at once could be so lazy. He slumped out of his seat and trudged over to the elevator, pushing the button to Loki’s floor.

**6**

“Loki, I apologise for the interruption. But I feel it may be appropriate to tell you that Mr Stark has relocated onto your floor.” Friday said. Loki tried to keep his concentration fixed on his fingers, and the magic glow forming new enchantments around them. He made a mental note to ask Tony to reconfigure the AI since it obviously couldn’t understand the meaning of “ _Do not interrupt unless in the event of an emergency._ ”

“Okay, Friday.” He huffed with limited patience. The AI said no more, believing Loki to have gotten the idea from his response. Tony had not gone on his floor before, but he thought it may be to retrieve his gauntlet that he brought up. He wondered if Tony had finished working on his own, and maybe it was ready for a test run. If Tony wanted to get Loki to watch, he could come and tell him himself in person, since he requested the AI not to. He sat there for about half a minute before his eyes shot wide open, magic disappearing like a blown out flame. Loki jumped out of his seat, running for the elevator. It took too long to get to the library, so he muttered a curse word and bolted for the staircase.

**7**

By the time he got there, Tony was in his living room with back to him, his head down and looking to be holding something. Loki made enough noise coming in, so he must have known he was there, but he was stunned in place, and Loki desperately needed to know why.

“Tony.” Loki huffed, out of breath, and every muscle in his body clenched. When the other man doesn’t respond, he took a step forward, but he wouldn’t let his feet go any further. He stood there for a few seconds, trying to get his breathing under control. Eventually, slowly, the shorter man turned around on his heels, taking slow and uncertain steps. His head stayed down and Loki’s eyes followed, both looking at what he was holding. It was a framed picture. Loki couldn’t see the picture itself, but knew immediately what it was of. He had picked out that frame for the photo alone, and was one of a kind in his living room. ‘ _Oh God._ ’ He thought. Tony slid his eyes up to Loki’s, face dropping in a mix of confusion and disbelief.

“We’re married?”


	8. Losing Your Memory

**** **1**

“I can explain.” Loki begged, one palm facing Tony that said ‘Stay calm and stay where you are.’ He swallowed, and it sounded loud in the room. Tony’s expression had not changed, and it did not ease Loki in the slightest. ‘ _He is disgusted with me. With what we have done._ ’ He thought. “You were not supposed to find out like this.”

“I wasn’t?” Tony retorted. “How was I _supposed_ to find out? Were you and I meant to get back together, and after a while of dating you’ll propose to me, and I’ll say ‘ _Yes, Loki! Of course I’ll marry you!_ ’ Then we’ll have a fucking ceremony and a fucking wedding cake and just before we sign a fucking marriage certificate, you’ll say ‘ _Oh! By the way, Tony, we have actually already been married for years which I didn’t bother to tell you about, so we don’t need to sign another one of these!_ ’ and I’ll say ‘ _Well that saves us a lot of trouble! Come here my lying fucking crazy ass husband!_ ’”

“Of course not, Tony. I can’t express how sorry I am that this has happened to you, but-“

“No, for once, stop trying to make this about me, and my fucking memory! This is about _you_ keeping shit like _this_ from me! This is everyone whispering ‘ _Is it okay if I say this?_ ’ or ‘ _Should Tony know this yet?_ ’ Yes, Tony _should_ know this yet! Tony should know everything because this is not the Avengers Tower, this is _Tony’s fucking house_! And I am not your husband, Loki, I am your fucking enemy! And I’m sick of forcing myself to put up with having you in my life and pretending like I’m okay with it! You should be in a cell, not going from friend to boyfriend to husband depending on what you feel like telling me on the day!”

Tony was shaking, seething, so broken inside and out and there was nothing Loki could do about it. He absolutely has a one hundred per cent right to feel as angry as he was, and Loki felt awful at how he and the others had been treating Tony’s illness. If there was anything Loki knew about him, it was that he hated feeling vulnerable, and everyone had been treating him as such.

Loki was an extremely worrisome partner, always keeping an eye on Tony in battle, and could be smothering when Tony even had a simple cold. Maybe it was just him struggling to grasp the idea that Midgardians were just not as vulnerable as he thought they were, and was still trying, even after multiple years, to find the fine line between strength and mortality. He would not deny that he worried about Tony dying. It was why he wanted him to be careful with how much he drank, or how he used himself as a test subject in his lab. But he also needed to know that Tony was a human being, and could take care of himself. Still, he knew that if he could go back in time to when Tony first woke up after his injury, he could not be able to stop himself from keeping Tony safe from alarming news or further damage. He had too much riding on this.

 

“You have had your fun. Can you not just let me go?” And for countless reasons, this infuriates Loki more than he had ever been with Tony. Because he could put up with being screamed at for being a liar, or a crazy fuck, or even a monster, but Tony just accused Loki of _using_ him. Of taking advantage of him for some kind of sick pleasure.

“My fun?” Loki was absolutely shocked. “You think I was with you just for _fun_? Sure, Anthony, the courting was fun. The sex? Great. But you know what was the real highlight of our time together? Dragging you to bed after you were drunk out of your head at 3 am, and cleaning the bathroom after you vomited all over it in the morning. Keeping you safe when you had your panic attacks and nightmares. Reminding you that each creation you make makes _me_ proud even if it didn’t make your _father_ proud. Staying by your bedside for the week that you were unconscious, and even when you woke, it was oh so fun to not even be able to be around you because you didn’t even know who I was! Yes, Stark! That was the fun I had! Here, watch me go and find someone else to LET GO OF!”

Loki’s eyes were flaring, furious, but not at anyone in particular. Definitely not Tony. Fortunately, the look in the other’s eyes wasn’t a feeling a blame. It wasn’t hope, nor understanding, it was closed off. But Loki knew that when eyes are empty, there’s everything behind them. This wasn’t for Loki to see; at least not right now. He took a breath, and saw Tony’s own chest inhale a little deeper, expression unchanged.

“I’m going to leave, and let everything sink in for you. But Tony? If you truly and honestly believe that even after everything I have done for you, that it was some kind of joke, then I’ll leave you alone. For good. You can hate me all you want, but don’t you _dare_ tell me that I don’t love you.” With that, Loki left by the elevator to go to what he felt like would be his permanent new floor. Only when the door closed did he let the tears fall, and the chokes escape his throat.

**2**

“ _Tony?” Loki searched the lab for the man. He was confused as to why he suddenly lashed out at Loki for burning his morning toast. Such trivial things ha_ _d_ _never bothered Tony so much, and Loki knew that something must be wrong. His boyfriend had not been drinking, or arguing with anyone else the day prior, and they were both fine, so he first assumed he was just in a bad mood, or had had another nightmare. Tony ended up spending the rest of the morning and half of the afternoon in his lab, immersing himself in his work (which he d_ _id_ _when he’s in any mood) and completely ignoring Loki’s attempts through Friday to get him to come back up. “There you are.” He_ _said_ _with relief, walking up to the man leaning over his desk, a three quarter full bottle of whiskey next to him._

“ _I’m busy, Loki.” Tony groaned, sounding more tired than bothered. Loki was having none of it. He brought a chair next to the man and slid into it. He didn’t want Tony alone when he’s troubled, but with whiskey in the room, Loki_ couldn’t _leave him alone. He ha_ _d_ _been monitoring his boyfriends alcohol intake, and Tony ha_ _d_ _been working hard at keeping himself under control. He’_ _d_ _never brought a glass down to the lab before, let alone the whole bottle. If that wasn’t enough of a sign to Loki that something was wrong, nothing would be._

“ _Talk to me, Tony.” Loki whisper_ _ed_ _, laying a hand on the other’s arm, for both comfort and to keep him from moving around. Loki sat there for about five full minutes, patiently waiting for Tony to speak to him. The inventor kept working on the piece in front of him, trying his best not to acknowledge the God next to him, but he grew tired of putting on a mask to make Loki go away. He only worried about Tony, and he deserve_ _d_ _the truth. As his boyfriend, he_ _was_ _bound to find out one way or another._

“ _It’s December 16_ _th_ _.” Tony mutter_ _ed_ _, like that was the end of it. Loki waited for a few seconds, waiting for him to elaborate, but he just kept his head down low, though his hands stopped working on the task, fingers brushing it on the table._

“ _What does that mean?” Loki asked, voice kind, but also a hint of the tone saying that ‘_ I’m not going to leave without you talking to me. _’ Tony took a breath, not wanting to go into detail, because he_ _was_ _sick enough of the thoughts in his head, not wanting them to be part of the conversation._

“ _It’s the anniversary of… my parents death.” He sa_ _id_ _, quick and quiet, fiddling with a bolt between his fingers before Loki laid his hand over it. Tony had not said the words out loud before. This was the only time that he really needed to bring it up. Pepper already knew, and so they never talked about it while they were together. The Avengers did what Loki first did and assumed that he was busy working, or having a bad day. But Loki_ _saw_ _, and Loki_ _knew_ _._

 _Loki didn’t say anything. He knew that Tony didn’t_ want _him to say anything. He only put one hand on the back of Tony’s head to gently pull him in for an embrace, who co-operated with desperate eagerness. They wrapped their arms around each other, Tony sniffing into Loki’s shirt, eyes squeezed shut because he really did not want to cry. He ha_ _d_ _n’t cried about this in decades and he_ _did_ _not want to again just because this_ _was_ _the first time he_ _was_ _being held over it. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, but was only about five minutes, though Loki would have held him forever._

“ _I love you.” Loki mumbled into Tony’s hair. “But when something is wrong, you need to talk to me.” Loki pestered with care. “I want to help. And I know that you are not quite used to that just yet, but when you are surrounded by friends who care about you, and a boyfriend who adores you, you are going to have them worry about you when you are hurt or upset.”_

“ _I know.” Tony sniff_ _ed_ _. Loki cup_ _ped_ _Tony’s face between his hands to press_ _ed_ _a kiss to his forehead._

“ _Come now.” Loki_ _said_ _, brushing Tony’s messy hair back to look more presentable. “Go take a shower, and I’m going to take you out to the second best place to have dinner.”_

“ _Second best?” Tony smile_ _d_ _, head tilted, wiping at his dried tears. Loki laugh_ _ed_ _._

“ _Have you tried your chicken chasseur?”_

**3**

Loki asked Friday to prevent the others from entering his floor, either by the elevator or the stairs. He wanted to be alone. If he was stressed before, he was seething now. He did not even know who he was mainly mad at. Himself? He had kept things from Tony that led to his anger. Things he really did not need to keep hidden, thinking that it would be better to tell Tony things eventually and over time, but this instead was what made the man worse.

Or was he mad at Tony? He told him that he thought he was just having fun with Tony, and that he should move on to someone else to mess around with. Loki had pretty much put everything on hold to take care of his husband, and to make sure he was comfortable, underwhelmed and healing as fast as he could. And yet he _still_ thought that Loki had ill intentions. Loki knew to give himself credit where credit was due, and that he could not have done more for the man to prove that he had changed. Did he still not believe him? Loki thought they were beyond this phase by now.

He had let Loki into his lab, worked with him, talked with him, and treated him like a friend. It _must_ have been the anger talking, or at least Loki hoped so. He wondered if Tony would ever be the one he once knew, or if he would be stuck in this game forever.

Tony asked him to let him go. Does that mean that even if Tony _did_ consider Loki a friend, that he did not want to be considered a lover or a husband? Loki did not think he could settle for something like this. He knew that sounded selfish, but this was not like any other broken marriage where someone cheats, or they start to fade away from each other over time. They were completely in love, and Tony was knocked out of the clouds, and left Loki up in the sky. There was no warning for something like this to happen.

Loki decided that this whole ordeal could have ended a lot smoother if Tony had not accused him of such a thing. And even though he loved Tony, he was still allowed to be angry with him. The others called Loki through Friday to ask if he wanted to join them for dinner, but they got no response, and they let him be. They also asked for Tony, but was told he was not in the tower, and they had dinner without the distressed duo.

**4**

Tony drove through the streets that seemed empty. Or as empty as New York can be. He decided to leave the tower for an hour or two to clear his head; or broaden it considering the circumstances. He kept getting the picture of him and Loki in his mind, and he felt crazy conflicted. It was the fact that he was done with everyone keeping him below the line that made him mad, not that they were married. In fact, he barely thought about that fact until he got into his car, and looked at his ring finger when holding the wheel.

He switched on the radio, because music was always a distraction or an answer. Sometimes both. He left it on the station it played at, which surprised him because it was playing an emotional song. It sounded familiar to him somehow, and it made him feel awake. Or maybe it was just his mind firing up, because he felt the need to stop the car and take a few deep breaths, like he’s about to go and pick up his prom date for the night.

♪ _Call all your friends_  
_Tell them I'm never coming back_  
 _'Cause this is the end_  
 _Pretend that you want it, don't react_ ♪

_Loki gave a laugh of disbelief when he came out from the bedroom after having a shower and drying his hair. The main area had the lights dimmed and candles placed here there and everywhere. Jazz music played in the background and the table was set with a vase of flowers, wine and napkins, just like a five star restaurant._

“ _What do you think?” Tony ask_ _ed_ _, walking into the room while cleaning his hands with a tea towel, putting it back on a counter and walking up to Loki and stepping onto his toes to give him a peck on the lips._

♪ _The damage is done_  
_The police are coming too slow now_  
 _I would have died_  
 _I would have loved you all my life_ ♪

“ _I think you love to go above and beyond.” Loki praised, stunned but drawn to the man who was wearing one of his favourite red suits without the jacket like a lazy businessman. When_ _he_ _step_ _ped_ _back to brush Loki’s hair behind his ears, the God_ _gave_ _him a look. “What’s the occasion?”_

“ _I’ve been thinking that I take you out a lot, we go out to dinner, we take dessert to the bedroom.” He wink_ _ed_ _. “But you’re always happiest when we’re alone, and I like you happy. Because when you’re happy, that makes me happy.”_

♪ _You're losing your memory now  
You're losing your memory now _ ♪

“ _Yes, we’re both happy, but does happy make you buy a lifetime supply of candles and silverware for a date night?”_

“ _I was thinking that this could be less of a date night and more of an anniversary.” Tony suggest_ _ed_ _, pouring them both a glass of wine, passing one to the other man. Loki tilt_ _ed_ _his head, as their first date happened sometime in February of 2013._

“ _Anniversary of what?” Loki ask_ _ed_ _. Tony_ _took_ _a sip of his wine, and there_ _was_ _a look in his eyes that is him pretending to be cool calm and collected but there’s words behind them that_ _we_ _ren’t being said. “Anthony.” Loki pestered._

♪ _You're losing your memory now  
You're losing your memory now _ ♪

“ _Come here.” Tony took hold of Loki’s free hand and dragged him to the wall made entirely of glass as a window. He wrapped his arm around Loki and pulled him closer. “Isn’t it pretty?” He asked with genuine glee. “All those lights. All those people walking down the streets. The moon. I want you to look at it, Loki.”_

“ _I’m looking, Tony.” Loki_ _said_ _, wondering what his boyfriend was up to. He did enjoy the view though, it was one of his favourite things about this building, and about New York, and about Midgard in general. “It is beautiful.”_

“ _Now turn around.” Tony whisper_ _ed_ _from behind him._

♪ _Where have you gone?_  
_The beach is so cold in winter here_  
 _And where have I gone?_  
 _I wake in Montauk with you near_ ♪

_Loki looked over his shoulder before turning his whole body when he saw Tony kneeling on the ground. He was beginning to make sense of what was happening. The special occasion, an anniversary, he had read enough about Midgardian tradition to know what was happening._

_♪ Remember the day_  
 _'Cause this is what dreams should always be_  
 _I just want to stay_  
 _I just want to keep this dream in me_ ♪

“ _Loki. My King.” He joke_ _d_ _, and Loki huff_ _ed_ _a laugh, but_ _was_ _too stunned to do much more. “Our time together has been incredible. I feel for you in these months a million times what I ever felt with anyone else I had ever been with. I didn’t think I would ever be here, kneeling in front of you.” The joke_ _was_ _unintentional, but they both laugh_ _ed_ _regardless. Tony_ _ran_ _a hand through his hair, because he_ _was_ _so damn nervous, then his hand returned back to Loki’s - (I will always come back) – because he_ _would_ _always want to hold his hands in his own._

“ _You saved me, Loki. Through who you are, and what you have given me. And if what you have given me is only half of what is in your mind, then_ you _are worth saving over and over again.” Tony shook his head in disbelief, like he couldn’t believe he was at this point in his life, a point he never thought that he would get to. “I have always been afraid of things like this. I never thought it would be something I would ever think about, let alone want, and let alone do. But here I am. And I couldn’t be more willing to ask you what I’m about to.”_

♪ _You're losing your memory now  
You're losing your memory now _ ♪

 _Tony reached behind him, pulling out a small red velvet box and held it in front of him. Loki could hear his heart beating in his ears, and if you told him five minutes ago what would be happening he would_ _have_ _laughed, but no one_ _was_ _laughing now._

“ _Loki. Will you marry me?”_

♪ _You're losing your memory now  
You're losing your memory _ ♪

“ _Yes.” Loki whispered, and both of them smiled so hard it almost hurt. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” He said, louder this time, because he wanted to hear it properly for himself that he just agreed to marry Anthony Edward Stark._

 _Tony stood up, and was barely flat on his feet before he was pulled in by Loki, the two not letting go. Neither wanted to_ ever _let go. Not until the smell of chicken chasseur became a little alarming did they break away, laughing and kissing and crying and sliding the ring onto the God’s finger._

♪ _Wake up, it's time, little girl, wake up_  
_All the best of what we've done is yet to come_  
 _Wake up, it's time, little girl, wake up_  
 _Just remember who I am in the morning_ ♪

Tony was breathing heavily from the complete and full memory that came at him. No confusing one liners or mentions of war, but what was clearly one of the most dramatic moments of Tony Stark’s life, and it was the one thing he could say he could remember from the missing two years of his life. It was also more than a video on a screen he could watch, but something that was in his own head. The feelings he felt in that moment were there, the nerves, the joy, the taste of the food and the feeling of Loki in his arms.

♪ _You're losing your memory now  
You're losing your memory now _ ♪

Tony refused to let things take this turn, so he clenched his lips as a seal of his decision. He turned the key in the ignition and drove back in the direction of the illuminated ‘A’ in the sky.

♪ _You're losing your memory now  
You're losing your memory _ ♪

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star


	9. Moving Forward

**** **1**

When Tony got back to the tower, he asked Friday to tell him of Loki’s whereabouts, just to know where so he would not run into him just yet. When he was told he was on his floor, he didn’t ask for any more. He had come to a decision since driving home, and he knew that even though he was nervous, it was the right thing to do. For him, for Loki, and even for the Avengers. The tension in the household had gone on long enough, and he knew that if the situation were on someone else, he would have helped long before, and so it was about time he did so for his own cause.

He got onto his tablet and started brainstorming, writing notes and drinking mug after mug of coffee. It was going to be a long night. But like Loki had always told him, he made sure to get some sleep after.

**2**

“ _He is incredibly lucky. Even with the suit on, at that fall I would have expected a lot more damage.” Bruce said to the group, talking outside of the medical bay where Loki was sitting with an unconscious Tony. The others took care of the rest of Ultron’s men (or most of them) while Loki and Bruce transported Tony back to New York to get him home. “Loki’s magic in his suit must have slowed the fall or sustained most of the damage. But despite that, it was still dangerous, and he seems to have injuries to his head and the rest of his body.”_

“ _How bad?” Clint ask_ _ed_ _._

“ _I’m not too sure about the extent just yet, but it doesn’t look bad enough to have caused any kind of permanent brain damage or disability. It is really only something we can know once he wakes up.” The air felt dark and gloomy, and the team all felt their own kind of guilt in response to not being there for Tony. But Thor remind_ _ed_ _them that they couldn’t have known, and that Tony_ _was_ _a strong guy who ha_ _d_ _overcome worse things, and_ _would_ _come out of this just as strong as he went into it. Of course it would be Thor to be the mascot of the group, though it did feel better to have someone to keep the mood up as a reminder to keep fighting for Tony._

_Inside the room, Loki sat on a chair next to Tony’s bed, hands holding Tony’s. He had not said much since things settled after the fight, Tony had still not awoken, but Bruce had told Loki it might not be for a few days. He needed time to recover before he came to. Loki wanted Tony to take as much time as he needed to get better, but he still wanted his husband to be here, knowing that everyone was taking the best care of him._

_This was the worst that Loki had seen Tony, and he had seen him knocked out of his mind drunk and having nightmares. He was covered in bruises which he hoped would heal by the time Tony awoke, because they must hurt. They’re up on his face, too. The face that Loki had always held so delicately, battered and cut and bandaged around his hairline. It took everything in him not to cry, because he hate_ _d_ _to do so, but he was also telling himself that he was_ allowed _to cry, because Tony makes him feel safe enough to do so. But he wasn’t enough to keep Tony safe. Not in his suit with his magic, or battling by his side. He wasn’t enough. And he can only hope that Tony wo_ _uld_ _n’t hate him for that._

_It was times like this that reminded him of Iðunn’s apples, and how he had talked with Tony about offering one to him, to give him eternal youth and immortality. If they had talked about it more often before, and gone through with it, Tony would not be lying in bed hurt. But this_ _wa_ _sn’t just about having an elixir or keeping the greys at bay, this was about spending eternity with Loki. This was a step beyond marriage. A very large step. Like going from the Milky Way to Andromeda._

_He_ _kept_ _the thought in the back of his head, and_ _kept_ _it as a note to himself the next time he visit_ _ed_ _Asgard._

**3**

Tony pressed the button to head to Loki’s floor in the elevator, but it didn’t do anything. He clicked again, and again, cursing that the thing may be malfunctioning. Not that he was complaining about getting to work on it, but not when he needed to be somewhere.

Before he was about to head for the stairs, Friday told him over the speaker that Loki had denied everyone access to his floor. Tony slumped a little at this, feeling a little guilty. It looked like the positions have swapped, as Tony was angry with Loki, and now Loki was angry with Tony. But like Loki had been doing, he would persist.

He asked if the door from the stairs was locked too, and was confirmed, so he went back to his own floor and took a seat on the couch. He asked Friday to video call Loki, and when the TV screen lit up, he smiled to himself. Loki may think that the only way to him was via entry. But either way, he expected Loki to ignore or reject the video call, and his prediction was true. Either way, he has the ability to send a kind of voicemail, so he sat up straighter on his seat, and spoke.

**4**

Loki had gone through three books and practised multiple spells since he woke, wanting to keep himself busy and prevent himself from thinking too much. He felt better after having a long nights sleep, but he still felt the aftermath of last night. He came out of the kitchen with his fifth cup of tea when the TV turned on to show Tony’s face as an incoming video call. Loki stared at it for a few moments. He spent so long weighing the pros and cons of answering that it turned off on its own, leaving Loki feeling a little guilty.

He sat on the couch for a few minutes, letting himself simmer in the atmosphere, and before he could call Tony back, the screen turned back on again, this time as a video message. This time, Loki didn’t wait, and he clicked play.

“ _Hi Loki. I understand that things are a little strained, especially after last night, but I wanted to talk. I know you want and need your space. I do too. And you’re angry. I get that as well. But what I have to say cannot really wait until you have forgiven me, because I think that what I have to say will make things okay. Or better, at least, in the meantime._

“ _I can’t say what it is over video chat, and I’m not going to knock on your door until you let me in, I’m simply going to wait for you. Whether you take ten minutes, or the rest of the week, or the rest of the year to want to talk to me, I’ll be there and ready when you are. But if there’s one thing I do need to say right now, and that is that I am sorry. What I said last night, I did not mean it. To tell you the truth, I was kind of surprised that you thought that I was being honest because… despite what had happened, I do have you as a friend. And I was just mad, trying to throw whatever I could at you, saying crap like I was still your enemy, and that I was ‘putting up with you’. Because I get excited when you come down to the lab, and I am grateful to have to as an Avenger, and a friend, and I believe that we were good together before I lost it._

“ _There’s much more that I want to say. That I need to say. So I hope that you can let me, but until then, please take care, Loki. Because I’m the living embodiment of what happens when you_ don’t _take care.” Tony smiled into the camera at this, before the screen went black._

**5**

“You called.” Loki said, tone a little impatient yet curious. Tony turned to see him standing with his arms crossed in the middle of the room. He came a lot sooner than Tony expected, thinking he was still mad at him, which by the look of him he was, but calm enough to come to Tony when he asked for him. Maybe he, like Tony, just wanted the fight to be over.

“Loki.” Tony greeted. He quickly made the man a cup of tea before bringing both it and his coffee over to the couch, laying them both on coasters. Loki followed him gingerly, face still looking sour, but internally glad that Tony was putting effort into… whatever this was. “Please, come sit, I wanna talk.” Loki gave a small sigh of ‘ _let’s get this over with_ ’ and took a seat on the couch, Tony doing the same.

“What is this about?” Loki asked.

“I want to just start off with restating what I said in my video, about how I am sorry. I guess I had a lot of… anger left over. I spent so much time trying to catch up and move on that I didn’t really find time to vent it out. I bottled it up and let it out on you, and I shouldn’t have. So again, I apologise.” Loki looked into Tony’s eyes for a moment, trying to see where he was going with this.

“You are forgiven.” He said, glad that the events of last night are now behind them, but there was still a long way to go.

“I uh… wanted to propose an idea. Something that I think will help… speed things along. I mean, I _hope_ it will help. If not, then… I don’t know, we will have to try something else.” Loki was _really_ confused at this point. Tony was always a chatter box, and was rarely at loss for words, or at times like this, had words but just didn’t know how to get them out. Loki laid a hand on Tony’s forearm to get his eyes on him.

“Tony, just tell me.” He said. Tony took a heavy breath, in and out, before asking Loki a question that Loki did _not_ expect.

“How would you like to be my boyfriend?”

Loki was completely stunned and lost for words. He couldn’t possibly have heard Tony right. Did he just ask that? He couldn’t have. He wouldn’t have.

“Pardon?” He asked.

“Would you like to be my boyfriend?” Tony repeated, a little laugh in the question because he knew that Loki didn’t believe he was asked it as much as Tony didn’t believe he was asking it. Loki couldn’t fathom what would drive Tony to ask something like this, especially the day after their fight. What exactly happened while he was gone?

“I know, it’s crazy.” Loki made a noise that said ‘ _You think?_ ’ “And hell, you don’t even have to say anything right now. I want you to think this over, but I know what I need now.” Tony scooted closer to Loki to show that he was trying to be authentic and open. “When I left the tower last night… I had a vision. But it wasn’t one of those quick and cryptic one liners or merged images, it was… the whole thing. An entire conversation. And I _felt_ it. I could feel myself talking and touching and seeing and…” He closed his eyes to take another breath. He was so unused to being this honest, and saying it to Loki was almost euphoric.

“What did you see?” Loki whispered, completely drawn in.

“I saw… Loki, I saw myself propose to you. From the moment you walked in to… you saying yes. I felt what I felt back then, and it wasn’t on a screen or through anyone else’s words, it was _me_. Like I never lost the memory. It’s so fucking clear, and I… I feel what I felt in that moment. You made me so happy, Loki. And I try not to be a sap, but I feel like a fucking teenager in love all over again.”

Loki could not take his eyes off of the other man’s. He couldn’t believe what he was saying, and experiencing one of their most cherished moments together on his own was everything that Loki wanted. _This_ was what he was working towards. _This_ was what he wanted so desperately to happen, for Tony to _remember_. Even if it’s not everything, it was much more than he expected. The anger that he felt last night and this morning had melted away like ice under water. He tried to speak, but found that he couldn’t. Tony took hold of one of Loki’s hands, laughing a little at how cheesy this whole thing must seem. But Tony had always been a bit cheesy when it came to romance, and he supposed that Loki knew all about that.

“I’m sick of worrying up here.” Tony tapped on his temple. “I’m sick of waiting, and wasting time, because that is the one thing I am supposed to be finding. I have been saying that I was trying to get my old memories back, but in truth I was kind of wanting my old life back, the one before the Chitauri, because it was familiar and I understood it. I was afraid of finding what I didn’t remember in case it scared me. But I’m not afraid of that memory I had in the car. I _want_ that. And it is still early days, but I’m okay with that. I want to try. So I’ll ask again. Loki, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Loki laughed, because it was kind of funny to see your husband ask to be your boyfriend. He’s taking the steps in his own time, so he’s starting new, and they’ll work their way from there.

“We still have a lot to work on.” Loki said.

"That's not a no." Tony said hopefully.

Loki smiled. "That's not a no." This time, they both laughed, and Tony wrapped his arms around the God. First, it was to take a moment to breath and take it in. ‘ _Yes, we’re moving forward_ ’. But he also needed that moment to prepare himself for what Loki had been waiting weeks for. He pulled back, arms still around the God, and pressed a kiss to his mouth. Loki put one arm around Tony’s waist, and another resting on his cheek. And they sat there, embraced in limbs and lips; and for the first time since Tony woke, he felt utterly and completely content.


	10. Accusations and Apologies

**1**

“You’re sure it works?” Loki asked again to verify.

“I am ninety nine point nine recurring per cent sure it works.” Tony assured.

It didn’t work.

“So much for that.” Tony huffed. “Maybe I _am_ losing it.”

“Like you’d let yourself.” Loki laughed. Over the past few days, the general atmosphere of the whole tower had improved greatly. Tony had been doing a lot better. He’s… happier. Taking things in willingly rather than feeling forced to. He was getting used to his new suit, the feel of it and all of its new features. He even took it for a flight test, and the public were relieved to see it in the newspapers. They were starting to worry that their local metal man was never going to show up. Tony also used it in the gym with Steve to practice more fighting, not up to the standard of where he used to be, but still up there and getting used to his new techniques that he had learned and lost. “It is still progress, I suppose. We’ll get there.” Loki assured.

“Hey, why don’t we go out tonight? For a second first date?”

“You’re okay with that?”

“Loki, stop worrying.” Tony moaned. “I’m not doing anything I don’t want to.”

“Okay, okay.” Loki huffed. “I just… think we should be slow with this.”

“I’ve slept with people without even knowing their names, I think going on a date you after how long I’ve known you is being slow enough.” Tony laughed. He could joke all he wanted, but Loki _did_ worry about him a lot still, even though he was a lot better than he was. Tony only saw one flash, what if he found that he was being a bit drastic by asking Loki out the very next day, and wanted to take it back? He knew that Tony was trying to be less ‘selfish’ about his injury, wanting to give Loki some upper hand in this too, but Loki knew that the memory of the Chitauri was still fresh in Tony’s mind, and he worried about how that conflicted with this. Did Tony _really_ want to be his boyfriend right now, or was he just trying to speed this whole healing thing along quicker? He tried not to overthink, and just took each day as it came, like Tony was doing.

“How about this, you can only take me out once you have finished this.” Loki held up the device with a devious smile. Tony liked having the cards on the table, and Loki played his hand with charm. Tony agreed to the guidelines, and set to work, but not before pecking Loki on the cheek, ‘cause Loki always lighted up when he does that.

**2**

_“You know I know, right brother?” Thor said with humour in his voice. Loki looked over at him with a look of confusion. “About Stark.”_

_“What about Stark?” Loki asked, almost accusingly._

_“You two are fast friends. Almost too fast to be_ just _friends.” Loki scoffed at this, turning away._

_“What are you insinuating? Stark and I are acquaintances at most. We have nothing in common.” Thor was not always an observant kind of person, but he could see when his brother was lost in his own mind._

_“You know that science and magic are one and the same thing.” Thor reminded him. “And do not act so defensive, Loki. Do I not share everything between Jane and I with you?”_

_“Yes, you told me every detail about how she broke your heart. A sob story at most, you should write a book.”_

_“So you must feel safe enough to talk with me about your partners or partners-to-be, can you not?”_

_“And what makes you think it would be Stark?” Loki was curious as to how obvious he was making his interest. If Thor knew, did the other Avengers know? Did Stark? It’s nothing big, he just found the man… interesting. In a world that Loki finds behind in its own technologies, Stark was able to stimulate Loki’s mind like a God would. He knew to appreciate things like that when they came his way. He had not been in the tower for too long, but the others had become reasonably comfortable having him around, and Loki didn't feel the need to sleep with one eye open. Stark was one of the first, after Thor, to take to Loki and hold a conversation without anger in his eyes. Bruce was also one of the first, but Loki felt that mainly that he kind of_ had _to be okay with it, and wanted to get on a level with Loki to avoid turning green whenever he saw him._

 _“If you allowed yourself to, you would follow him around like a puppy.” Thor laughed. Sometimes Loki thought that he was just_ born _to be a big brother with the way he behaved._

_“He is… intriguing with his science. And he has a sense of humour, not something a tower full of ‘super heroes’ living with their enemy is sure to have.”_

_“You think I have not seen the way you look at him, brother?” Thor said lowly, and the hint of seriousness in his voice was a little starling to Loki at first because the blond was not often a serious man. Loki gave him his attention, because he had to admit that he_ did _feel safe to talk when Thor was not talking with a mouthful of food or a booming laugh. “Like he is the friend you wished you had as a child? Like the way I looked at Jane? Like the way mother and father looked at each other?” Thor knew that Frigga was a touchy subject with Loki, especially after her passing, and he brought it up only when he needed to. When he was really trying to get his point across. It made Loki take his words in with more consideration. He looked down at the desk, head still up, as though he was thinking, and gives a slow nod._

_“I suppose there is something there for the man.” He said, not familiar with being open with Thor, especially as of late. But he was sent to Midgard to recover from that seclusion, and he wanted to do so._

_“You do not know how much time Odin has left you with on Midgard, may it be a year, or ten, or eternity, do not wait. There are many men and women of wisdom who will tell you the exact same thing.”_

_“Are you trying to convince me, or flatter yourself by pretending to be smart?” Loki quipped._

_“Wisdom always has more than one meaning.” The blond joked._

_“Well either way… I suppose you’re right.” Loki agreed._

_“When am I not?”_

_“Don’t get me started.” They both laughed, and it felt nice to laugh. It had been a while._

**3**

Loki was walking through one of the hallways when Bruce walked past him. He stopped Loki with a light hand on his arm. “Mind if we talk for a moment, Loki?” He asked.

“Of course.” Loki agreed. The scientist didn’t look too chipper, and Loki was worried that maybe he found something in one of Tony’s daily scans that was a cause for concern. He was showing positive signs since the first one, but Loki always dreaded it taking a sudden turn for the worst.

“I… wanted to talk about Tony.” Bruce said, not sure how to bring it up. Loki tensed a little, and Bruce reassured him. “He’s fine, don’t worry.” Loki let the worry disappear, though not entirely. “I just wanted to talk about you two together.”

“What about us?” Loki asked.

“I just want to ask if you think that… getting back together so soon is the right idea. You know I love you both together, I just… as Tony’s doctor, I think that any kind of pressure might not really help the healing process.”

“I am not pressuring Tony into anything, Banner.” Bruce sighed at this, because Loki always turned to surnames when he was angry or displeased. Loki was worried enough about Tony moving forward with him, the last thing he wanted or needed was the others suspecting him of _using_ Tony for his own pleasure, rather than to help him. “And for the record, it was _him_ who came to _me_ with the idea. He felt like it was the right time, and I agreed with him.”

“Yes, but from what I know, you two had a fight the night before. How did you go from that to this in a day?”

“Banner, if you want to have this talk, I suggest you have it with Tony. I am not able to change what Tony decides to do with himself.”

“And I will, I just wanted to give you a heads up, before you think I’m accusing _you_ of anything.” Bruce did not like asking this of Loki, but when it came to the health of his patients, he had to put those feelings aside and be honest with what he thought.

“The feeling is already present, doctor. Now if you don’t mind.” Loki brushed past the shorter man. Was Bruce the only one who felt like this, or was it the other Avengers too? Hell, Loki felt it, but he was at least letting Tony make his own decisions. If at any point that Tony changed his mind and wanted to break up, Loki would do so. He was not forcing Tony to do anything he did not want to. Loki took a lot of blame for the things that happened around him. His mother’s death. Tony’s accident. He also learned to know that those things were _not_ his fault, so when someone came in to tell him that he was doing something wrong, he was going to take it to heart, but not to mind.

He knew that he was good for Tony, whether it was as a friend or a partner. Either way, his husband would be back to how he was soon enough, and Loki knew that the only way he had a hand in this, was to help, not to make anything worse. He simply wished that he wasn't the only one who believed that.

**4**

Over in Sokovia, the warehouse was alive with spark. Ultron felt alive with each one of his men who stood on their feet. He was lagging in respect of numbers compared to the first battle which he managed to walk (hide) away from. But being a robotic AI, he was able to rebuild himself, which he had, and took down the Avengers one by one over time if he had to, which he sort of almost did. He bought himself time with Tony Stark’s injury. That would keep the other Avengers busy while he got himself to a fighting standard. He really wanted to give himself an edge this time. He considered using their down time as a way to send in a dozen or so of his men, and took them out while they’re sleeping, but the chances of him succeeding first time around were slim. By the first time, they would have improved on their security protocols, and would stop him from doing so a second time. He didn’t want to waste his valuable men. They were not made to assassinate, they were made for war.

**5**

“That could have gone better.” Natasha stated. The rest of the group were in the main living room, watching the live video feed of Bruce’s talk with Loki. In a word, they were being nosey, but they called it precautionary research.

“Five dollars, pay up Nat. Loki went for the last name.” The red head huffed and slapped Clint the bill. Thor shook his head, not too chuffed with the idea that they were betting on Loki’s unhappiness. He leaned from one foot to the other, arms crossed.

“Not to just side with my brother, but I do think that he is right. What harm could his presence possibly be doing to Stark?”

“It’s not like that, Thor.” Steve reassured. “Bruce is trying to tap into Tony’s mind. He wants to understand his thoughts and feelings, and how they drive his choices. Put yourself in Tony’s shoes. You’re in a battle with an enemy, you wake up, and they tell you that that very enemy is now your husband. You think Tony just ‘asking him out’ was something he would just do for the sake that it was what his past self did at the time?”

“Tony is a smart man. He wouldn’t do something because of peer pressure.” Natasha said, then reconsidered. “Or his own pressure, for that fact.”

“This was not an issue when Stark was spending days with Loki in the lab working on projects. Why does it make a difference now?” Thor asked. He hated seeing his brother alone without Tony, and Tony was always happier after he and Loki got together the first time around, and even happier once they got married.

“Thor has a point.” Natasha agreed. “If Loki was affecting Tony in any way, it would happen even if they were just friends, let alone partners.”

The back and forth points and opinions on the topic were thrown around the room. Loki eventually joined them in the room and the argument was dropped immediately, changing it for something more upbeat. Loki did not deserve to be treated like he was a bad influence on Tony, and that was a fact that they all agreed on.

**6**

Loki was a lot quieter since yesterday, and Tony thought it must have had something to do with the talk that Bruce had with them both separately. Loki had admitted to him on a few occasions since they announced their relationship that he was tense about the whole thing, always worrying over Tony far too much. He supposed that having your own thoughts amplified by a kind of blame by others could make the situation worse for one’s self. He’d feel bad for the guy, if he didn’t find it kind of cute.

“I know what you’re trying to do, you know.” Tony said with a sympathetic smile. Loki looked up and sees him loitering on the door frame.

“What am I trying to do?” He asked, pretending to be innocent.

“Bruce talked to me.” ‘ _Great._ ’ Loki thought. He didn't understand why the doctor had to meddle with affairs that did not concern him. What happened between him and Stark _stayed_  between him and Stark. “He said he had the same talk with you. And I think that is why you’re trying to keep away from me.” Tony had been walking into the room slowly, and was now standing over Loki’s desk. “Isn’t it?” Loki sighed, not wanting the thoughts in his head to be spoken out loud to Tony, but he knew he needs it. They _both_ needed it.

“Do you agree with him?” He asked, getting the question out there in the open. He had been trying to battle the problem alone, and didn’t stop to think that this was a question they both need to answer together, not alone, and not separately.

“Of course not.” Loki had to admit that he was a little surprised by this. Tony answered the question quickly and with no hesitation or need to think.

“Tony.” Loki says. And his voice was a lot more serious than Stark’s is, so it catches his attention. “As much as I don’t want to believe it, Bruce may have a point. Do you not think it may be even in the slightest way possible that we are… taking this a tad too fast?”

“Not at all.”

“And why do you disagree?” Tony sighed, knowing that Loki needed to hear what he had to say.

“I knew right away that I wanted to be with you. Because I found a way to keep myself moving forward. By pushing myself. Because that is how I get things done. I didn’t think I was comfortable enough to be able to talk to you when I first woke up. I ignored you, I pretended like you weren’t even on Earth. But I pushed myself to talk to you because I was sick of feeling _mad_ all the time. I wanted to move forward. So I did. I talked to you. It was a small move, but it was also a big step. And do you know what? I was okay with it. I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up, or kill you, or throw _you_ out of the window instead.” Loki huffed a laugh at this, and it made Tony smile. “It made me realise that _waiting_ for the good stuff was either going to take a really unnecessarily long time to happen, or not happen at all. It wasn’t up to you, or the Avengers, or some kind of divine intervention, it was up to _me_.

“So I also took the next step to being around you on a daily basis. Letting you in my lab. Working with you on projects. They were all things that I thought I wouldn’t let myself do, but when I did them, I was okay with it. And when I had that flash of us… getting engaged, I knew that the next step for me to make was to ask you to be with me. Because I was _afraid_ of it. You’re right, maybe it is early. A lot earlier than it was the first time around, but we didn’t know what it was gonna be then. We do now. I know I’m safe with you. You let me know that, and the group lets me know that. I made the move, and I sure as hell don’t regret it. I’m not scared, Loki. Sure, it’s not time for me to make the next move and propose just yet,” They both laughed this time, because it helped lighten the mood. “But I’m content with where we are now. I just know that that will come when it does. So take that away with you. I’m not afraid of this. So Bruce can take _that_ back to his lab, because what I feel is not relevant to my injury. I am not a lab rat, and you are not a test. You are my boyfriend. And I’m unashamed of that.”

“You seem so sure that you will fall in love with me for a second time enough to want to stay married to me.” Loki said.

“I damn well hope so.” Tony feigned a dramatic pose. “Do you know how expensive a divorce is?”

**7**

“Banner. Can I have a word?” Thor asked, walking into Bruce’s lab like he owned it; or maybe that was just his normal posture. Bruce motioned for him to go on, checking data on his screen and comparing it to the information on his clipboard. “I wish to speak with you on behalf on my brother.” Bruce drooped a little at this, because he knew what was coming. Thor was here to protect Loki from his monstrous choice of words, and so forth and so on. He had had conversations like this with Thor when Loki first came back to Earth, about ‘ _sustaining the green man_ ’.

“Listen, Thor, if this is about what I said to him, I can assure you that I did not mean what you think I meant. I…”

“Your meddling is not going to do anyone any good. Your words implied that he is a bad partner for Stark.”

“I was not accusing him of being a bad partner, Thor. Hell, I was Tony’s best man at their wedding, for god’s sake. I was the one who told Tony to go for it when he asked me if being with Loki was the right thing to do the first time around. I want them to be together, Thor, I really do. I was just trying to look out for Tony who is still in the early days of his illness, and I wanted to make sure that he is transitioning from the world in his mind to the _real_ world as smoothly as possible.”

“Regardless of what you thought you were trying to do, Banner, your intent was to get Loki to end his relationship with Tony. I will not let you do so.” Bruce huffed, knowing that as much as he sided with Thor and Loki, he knew that they would not understand his intentions. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. He was keen to keep tabs on everything and obviously it had done more harm than good.

“And I will not do so, Thor. I’ll talk to them again, I’ll apologise.” He admits, voice calm to keep the blond calm too. This whole thing was blown way out of proportion, and his point was taken to heart when all he wanted to do was make sure that Loki knew that it was on his mind.

When Thor left, Bruce took a moment. Yes, he didn’t intend for things to get difficult, and no, he didn’t tell Loki to break up with Tony, but he still felt bad. Things _were_ good for his best friend, and he should have seen that, rather than just listening to that dumb voice inside his head that told him to put his foot in it. He thought that he had been trying so hard to put himself in Tony’s position and see the world as he had that he let himself remember the old Loki, and put that in place of the new Loki, and forgot that Loki was good for Tony, now and then.

**8**

“You’re sure it’s done now?” Loki asked, a little exhausted with having to ask the question so much.

“I’m bound to jinx it, so I’m just going to test it and let the result speak for itself.” Tony replied. He and Loki routinely added both their gauntlets and the device to their forearms. “Ready?” He asked, and Loki nodded. “Three… Two… One… Shoot.” They simultaneously let the magic and beam shoot from the weapon at the target, zooming through the air and wrapped around it like a lasso. Tony’s half of the weapon zapped the scrap, electrifying and keeping it paralysed as if it were a real enemy, and Loki’s half practically melted the thing down into nothing.

“We did it?” Tony whispered, before jumping and punching the air. “We did it!” Loki laughed at the display of delight, glad that they were finally both done with the project. Their first project together since Tony’s injury.

“I’m proud of you.” Loki confessed, and Tony gave him a beaming smile, almost skipping toward him to grab his cheeks and kiss him. Loki leaned down into the man, feeling a sense of elation of finality and beginning.

“Am I interrupting?” Bruce walked into the room and fiddling with his fingers, not wanting to intrude on the tender moment. The two pulled away from each other’s faces to look at the man, but Loki kept his grip around Tony’s waist. “Can I talk to you guys for a minute?” Bruce asked tentatively. The pair looked at him and shared a nod. Bruce came a little closer and brushed back his hair, coughing nervously like he was about to go in for a job interview.

“I just wanted to say that I am sorry. For what I said earlier. I know that I did not say what I said with any sort of harsh intent, but it was still not my place to intrude.” Tony and Loki both gave him a small smile at this.

“I may be trying to take Tony’s health into consideration, but I was not taking either of your _feelings_ into consideration, and that was where I was going wrong. When you’re in the field of science, the constant need for an answer can cloud your mind of the fact that you’re not dealing with theories here, you’re dealing with real people. I let that cloud come over me, because I wanted the best for you both. I went about it the wrong way, and I apologise.”

“That is quite alright, Bruce.” Loki assured. “You were just trying to be safe. But me and Tony have talked about this, about how we want to both be comfortable with where we are going. You do not need to worry.”

“Well I am grateful that that’s out of the way.” Bruce said with relief, before pointing to the weapons on their gauntlets. “Now show me what the hell those things do.”


	11. We Are Who We Are

**** **1**

“ _Anthony…” Loki whispered. He felt hot, too hot for someone who was lying in an open field on a blanket, wind howling and night eerily dark. It felt like a hurricane was going on, because it was_ so cold _, yet he was still_ so hot _. “Anthony.” He repeated, louder this time, because he was frightened, and he needed his husband. The sky felt like it was going to pull him up like a plane engine, so he curled his fingers around the grass for something to hold on to. The wind was deafening, and he could barely hear his own voice. Even if he screamed he didn’t think he could hear himself, so he just kept his eyes clenched shut, but somehow he could still see the stars, yet no moon._

_He began to hear his voice in the wind, yet he wasn’t speaking. “Anthony… Anthony… Anthony…” He moved his lips in time with the voice, mimicking the wind. The voice faded from as it began to come from his own mouth, and the hurricane started to diminish. When he opened his eyes, he could see him. His husband. His Anthony. He was leaning over Loki, his face surrounded by the dark, and Loki started to feel the heat disappear from his body in a wave, and was left with the cold. He reached out, tried to feel Tony’s face but it felt so cold and numb that he didn’t know if he was touching him or not, like ice on ice._

“ _What do you need?” Tony asked, his voice clear as day. Loki opened his mouth but nothing would come out. He could only say his husband’s name._

“ _Anthony.” He repeated. He didn’t want to be afraid, but he could feel the cold when he_ _was_ _not supposed to. Not when he_ _was_ _what he_ _was_ _. The feeling_ _was_ _so unusual to him, and he wrap_ _ped_ _his arms around Tony because he_ _would_ _feel more secure holding him that holding the Earth._

“ _Tell me what you need.” Tony’s voice whisper_ _ed_ _, and this time it_ _was_ _the sky speaking, not his husband. Loki just_ _held_ _on tighter. And tighter. And tighter. And--_

**2**

Loki jolted up, sitting straight on his bed. He looked around, tugging at the neck of his shirt to get some air. He was breathing deeply, and sweating from the dream. He asked Friday to increase the air conditioning in his room to cool down.

Loki was waiting for a night like this to happen. It was only a matter of time. He had plenty of nightmares before the Chitauri battle, during his imprisonment in Asgard, and when he moved to Midgard. After settling in with Tony, having that consistent safety in his bed kept him safe in his mind, and they practically melted away. He had suspected that after ending up alone in his own bed that the nightmares would come back. It was not graphic like most of the nightmares he had before, nor would it be considered a nightmare if you put it into context, but he still woke up feeling scared and sweating and _not_ wanting to go back to sleep.

Not all nightmares had monsters. Some of them only had the people you love in them, and you could still wake up afraid.

If anything, he was glad that the unsettling dreams were coming now rather than earlier, since him and Tony were being pretty good together as of late, and he predicted (although did not _expect_ ) that he may move back onto their floor soon enough. Not that he was going to ask, as that was for Tony to do, but he also knew how Tony had nightmares after the Chitauri attack first happened. Being back in that time frame memory wise might have sparked those sleep demons back again, and he may want the company too.

Despite this, he was not about to crawl into Tony’s bed because of one unsettling dream, instead he laid his head down, and looked up. The dream rose a topic that he had pretty much forgotten about since the first time he spoke about it with Tony, hoping that it would have been the last time. He tucked it away in the deepest parts of his mind and not wanting it to come back out. But he supposed that now it had.

He felt the cold. The cold that he was not supposed to feel. The cold he was. He thought of his Jötunn form, and the memories that came during the first time he saw it. The feelings he had about his whole being was a mystery to him, and he felt disgust at how he was able to look in the mirror and see the face of what he thought was the enemy. He didn’t know what he was, or why he was that. It was something he let take control of him, and it drove him to become a person he never wanted to be. He hurt his family, his friends, and himself. He gave his assistance to corrupt people. The people that led to the Chitauri attack. He struggled for a long time with coming to grips with this, and it took living on Midgard, finding friendship in the Avengers, a husband in Tony, and it even took his mother’s death for him to settle with the truth.

It was not easy, and that is why he was so keen on helping Tony through his struggle. Because he knew what it was like to not know who you are, or what you are, or where you are supposed to be going. Tony helped him through that, and he wanted to do the same for him. And he found that for Tony to move forward, Loki had to go back. Back to times when he last opened a box that he wanted forever to be closed.

**3**

“ _Loki?” Tony called. The God had excused himself from his birthday party to go to the bathroom, but he had been gone for about fifteen minutes, and Tony was worried that someone (that someone possibly being Clint) might have put something in his drink as a joke that made him sick or something, but when he went into their bedroom, he let the suspicion disappear. Loki was sitting on his side of the bed, heavy headed and fiddling with his hands. “Loki? What’s wrong?” Did Tony say something wrong when he toasted? Did someone else?_ _Did_ _Loki not like the party, or_ _was_ _it just one of those days? Loki looked up to see the man standing by the doorway before sniffing and wiping at his face._

“ _Sorry, Anthony.” He_ _said_ _, voice barely above_ _a_ _whisper. “I just wanted to be alone for a few minutes.”_

“ _Do you still want to be alone?” Tony ask_ _ed_ _. Loki consider_ _ed_ _this for a moment before shaking his head, giving Tony a forced smile. The brown haired man closed the door and took a seat next to Loki, slipping an arm around the God’s waist and leaning his head on his shoulder, rubbing his side in soothing circles. “Talk to me.” Loki_ _took_ _a deep breath, wanting to feel stronger in the moment, but Tony_ _made_ _him feel safe when his walls_ _were_ _down._

“ _Thor’s speech just gave me some memories, that’s all.” Tony looked up at him, face soft and caring._

“ _What memories?” Tony asked, careful to sound attentive but not probing. Loki took a look at Tony before letting his eyes fall back to his hands._

“ _When he said… about how I’m always going to be his little brother. And how mother would be proud of where I am now. That I’m an honorary Midgardian-Asgardian.” Tony_ _kept_ _his eyes on Loki, waiting for him to say how this upset him._ _Did_ _he not want to be Asgardian? Or Midgardian for that matter? Was it the mention of his mother? “And I know he meant well, but he still knows the truth, and he tried to hide it. Because he is ashamed.”_

“ _Ashamed of what?” Loki paused, not wanting to elaborate. Tony’s arm tightened around his waist to keep Loki focused on him._

“ _Of what I am.” He whisper_ _ed_ _. His voice_ _was_ _so low that Tony almost didn’t hear it. Almost. He furrowed his brows and couldn’t understand how Loki could be ashamed of himself, or how Thor could be ashamed of him. “I am not what you think I am. When I first found out, I hated myself. I was angry. It led to some very bad decisions, and I am still paying for them to this day.”_

“ _Loki, what are you talking about?” Loki looked at Tony, eyes almost puppy like. Should he tell Tony, or show him? Should he do anything at all? He loved Tony, and he did not want to scare him away. Tony could do with a partner that was thousands of years old, but could he do with the change in specie and appearance? He knew that it was selfish of him to_ not _show Tony, because he did not want him to not know something so important about him. Something that could make or break their relationship._

“ _Please don’t be afraid.” He whisper_ _ed_ _. Before Tony_ _could_ _have a chance to answer, Loki closed his eyes, and let a wave of navy blue wash over his body. Even though his pale complexion was the cover up, he still felt like his true form was the mask. He reopened his eyes, his glaring red eyes, and focused them on Tony. He was lost for words, his face almost unreadable. Loki could tell that there was surprise in there somewhere, though it was not prominent, nor was he scared. They were both silent, yet Loki could tell that Tony was trying to come up with the right words. He want_ _ed_ _to comfort Loki, as he just told him that he suspect_ _ed_ _Tony would be afraid of this form that he_ _was_ _ashamed of. But he_ _was_ _also taking it in, because he had no idea that Loki was this different. Not that it_ _was_ _a_ bad _different, just unexpected. Unexpected and…_

“ _Beautiful.” He mumble_ _d_ _, like he was supposed to say it in his head but instead it came out of his mouth. Loki’s breath falter_ _ed_ _a little in surprise, disbelief, he didn’t really know himself what he was feeling. He suspected that Tony would need time to think over what Loki would show him, or want him to change back to his normal form, or at worst, break up with him there and then. What he didn’t expect, was for Tony to slowly reach up a hand, pausing before it got to Loki’s face in a silent ‘May I?’. Loki nodded so lightly he wasn’t sure if Tony saw it before he felt fingers on his cheeks, tracing, touching, feeling. Loki let out a breath, leaning into the hand, and then Tony really felt the cold. But that didn’t stop him, it only made him lean in closer, eyes melting into Loki’s. They were so close._

“ _Anthony.” Loki mouthed._

_Tony leaned in, mouth on Loki’s cheek and whispered, “You have nothing to be ashamed of Loki.” He poured all of his love into kissing his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, his forehead, his eyes, his nose, and his mouth. Loki melted at the affection, feeling so overwhelmed by love that he had no control over himself. And in that moment he was not a J_ _ötunn, or an Asgardian, or a Midgardian, nor was he Loki. He was Tony’s. He was completely and utterly Tony’s._

**4**

Tony had treated both of Loki’s forms like they were beautiful. This scared Loki when it first happened, because he didn’t want his husband to think that the blue beasts were anything to be proud of, but then he reminded himself that Tony saw him as Loki, not as a Jötunn. He also reminded himself that it was mainly the Æsir who disliked and fought the Jötnar, whereas the Midgardians knew nothing of them, and what they did. What they _we_ _re_. Tony would pepper Loki’s face with kisses, hold him, make love to him in his Jötunn form, and Loki eventually started to hate it less; not love it, but at least feel less disgusted about it.

He needed to remind himself that Tony didn’t remember all that. If Loki was going to show Tony his true form again, he needed to know that Tony was going to be cautious once more. Even though Tony never treated him differently the first time around, he knew that with this being another first time for Tony seeing it, it was not something that he was used to, so no prancing through his lab with red eyes and blue skin just yet.

Loki then got an idea, something that would not just help Tony, but the rest of the group, too. They didn’t know about his Jötunn form, except for Thor, who did know of it, but had not yet seen it on his person. He had not exactly been hiding it from everyone, there had just not been a necessary time to show them. And now seemed like a good time.

**5**

Later that night, Loki asked everyone to stay after dinner so he could talk to them. When he gathered them on the couches, he brushed a hand over Tony’s arm when passing by him for reassurance; whether it was for Tony or himself, he was not sure.

“Thank you for staying for this, everyone.” He greeted. He decided that he didn’t like being the only one standing, thinking it would come off as some kind of magic show, so he took a seat, still able to see everyone. “Recently I think that we have all been spending a lot of time going back to the past. I have spent this time doing so for Anthony, and for myself. I found that it has allowed me to remember things I have wanted to forget. But what I have found, is that there are things that Anthony knew, that the rest of you did not. When I did tell Anthony, I kept it between us because I was still learning back then, learning reactions and responses. Learning love.” Tony winked at him and Loki smiled. “I never ended up telling the rest of you, but today I realised that I am ready to do so.”

Loki gave a look to Thor, then to Tony, and lowered his head. Not in shame, but in preparation; though a little tremor of nerves ran through him as the waves of blue did. When he could see the blue reach the end of his fingertips, and felt it run through his feet, he rose his head, letting his hair fall out of his face, revealing his Jötunn form. He was not looking at anyone in particular, letting everyone take his form in in their own time.

Loki wanted to show everyone all at once, rather than Tony alone because it was something that the other’s did not know about it either. This way, Tony would not be the only person who was always finding out new information. He thought it would relieve him of the stress of always being the one person in the tower who _didn’t know_. He would feel united with the group, because now he experienced new things _with_ them, rather than _from_ them.

“I’m proud of you, brother.” Thor stated, wanting to give in the first good word, and to get the others to join in on priding Loki. The younger felt a sense of home in Thor at this, knowing that his brother never liked the Jötnar as much as Loki didn’t, but was still embracing Loki for his true self and didn’t think any less of him for that. Loki always worried when he first found out that Thor would love him less and consider him an outsider in their family, but turns out that Loki was the one who broke himself apart from them, and that Thor was always the one to pull him back in. Thor had not seen much of Loki’s Jötunn form, but he still had a smile on his face like his brother had not changed at all.

“That’s… bad ass, Loki.” Bruce said, and Loki snickered a little at the doctor trying to use such vocabulary. He knew that Bruce would have accepted him either way, due to how he knew much of having a different side to yourself, changing the way you look and the colour of your skin, hating that other person and it taking the love of those who mean the most to you to start to accept them. Natasha had treated the hulk how Tony treated Loki’s Jötunn form: with love. Like nothing had changed, and that was just how they liked it.

Natasha and Clint both gave appreciative nods, knowing that at this point, nothing could surprise them. They were barely surprised by the truth of Thor being a God from another world, and Steve coming back to life, and Bruce being a green gamma giant, and Tony surviving a hole the size of a fist in his chest. In fact, they were more surprised that Thor, being from a different world, looked remarkably a lot like humans, and Loki looking differently from them was actually a little more relieving.

Steve thought back to the war, when he first saw Johann Schmidt as the Red Skull. Bucky, sitting next to him on the couch, gave him a look that showed Steve that he was thinking of the same thing. “ _You don’t have one of those, do you?_ ” They shared a smile between them, and like the assassin’s, Bucky didn’t feel surprised. Steve felt what was less of surprise, and more interest. After seeing the S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier for the first time, he stopped making bets on what he thought the future would hold. And even today, two years of living in Avengers tower with a bunch of super heroes in a time period he should not still be alive in with his best friend, he still felt wonder.

When Loki finally looked at the one man who’s opinion meant more to him than anyone else’s, the man that drove him to do this in the first place, he knew what he was expecting, and he got it. The same smile that he saw the first time he showed him was planted on his face. His eyebrows were slightly raised in an expression that said ‘ _I could not have guessed in a million years that_ this _is what you wanted to show us but I’m not complaining because, if anything, I’m honestly turned on by it_ ’.

If Loki had to compare, he would definitely say that he preferred the reveal of his Jötunn form this time around, surrounded by those he cared for, than the first. Not that it was bad when he showed Tony alone, but whenever he looked back at the memory, he remembered feeling sad and afraid from Thor’s speech that day, and worrying over Tony’s reaction. He knew today that no matter what, Tony would accept him, and was glad that the others had done so too. That night in the living room in the Avengers Tower, Loki felt at home for the first time since Tony’s accident. There was a lot of ground left to cover, but being in his Jötunn form and not feeling a single twinge of fear, was one of his greatest accomplishments of his life.

**6**

“You’re not taking the couch.” Tony was using his assertive voice that sounded far too playful to be taken seriously. “End of story. And no ‘what if’s’ or ‘buts’ out of you, mister.” Loki was not about to argue, as he knew that a) he would not win against a small angry man, and b) he wanted to be in bed with his husband and for-now-boyfriend. Loki felt butterflies at the knowledge that Tony was not just telling him that he was okay with him being around, but was one hundred per cent okay with sleeping with Loki in the same bed. That was the trust Loki wanted him to have, and was proud of how far Tony has come.

When they both settled into the bed, facing the ceiling and back into Loki’s fair form and green eyes, Friday automatically dimmed the lights. Loki felt a wave of completion at finally being back in their bed. He gave a mental finger to the nightmares, and let himself bathe in the feeling of knowing that he was not the only warm body in the room.

“I know that I’ve said it before, but I am proud of you. Especially for doing what you did tonight.” Tony said, and Loki appreciated the praise. “I’d say that I don’t think any less of you, but you probably already know that, huh?”

“I do.” Loki smiled, thinking back to the times that Tony had let Loki know how much he liked each and every form Loki took. “I wanted you to see the real me.”

“And it was gorgeous.” Tony admired, and Loki smirked at him. The shorter man rolled onto his arms, looking down at the God. “Now we have all seen your form, what secrets does your boyfriend get that they don’t?” He teased.

“You get what is under these clothes, my love.” He purred. Tony made a noise of appreciation at this, and leaned in to press his lips to Loki’s. The heat between them was building from the simplest of actions as time has not allowed them to as of late. He buried his fingers in Loki’s long locks and pulled him closer, Loki humming into the kiss. “You can continue this after our date tomorrow night.”

“What are you talking about with ‘night’? I’m treating you the whole day.”

“Is that so the date can last longer, or so it can be over quick enough for us to land right back in bed before the sun is down?” Loki teased.

“Is that a guess or are you speaking from experience?”

“That depends on how you treat me, darling.” Loki stole a few quick kisses from Tony, rolling him onto his back so he could lay on his chest, arm around his stomach, and legs tangled. They both fell asleep with smiles as big as the world.


	12. And Everything Goes Back To The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning, this chapter contains mature content.

**** **1**

Like always, Tony was the first to wake up. He had never been much of a sleeper, and now when he was with Loki, he woke up at the times he would otherwise be going to bed. He had noticed this when he first woke up from his accident, that his body clock had been altered, and now he knew why. Not that he was complaining. He found that he liked seeing Loki like this. Whenever he brought nameless and faceless women home from galas he would leave for the lab the second he woke up, but now he laid there, feeling the sunrise beaming on his bare back as he looked down at his partner.

Loki had been so open with him, showed almost every emotion to him with honesty, and yet he had never seen Loki so true and bare as he had now, sleeping in a tangled bliss of serenity. He thought of how Loki had felt over the past few weeks, putting up with Tony’s outbursts, anger, and tense atmospheres, when _this_ was all that he wanted. And Tony could see why. Not even when he was with Pepper did he feel this kind of peace. Maybe it was some therapeutic technique to sleep with those that haunt your dreams at night to ease the fear, and keep you _in_ the bed rather than _out_ of it.

The light coming into the room shined on Loki’s face and body like a cliché chiselled structure in a museum. He saw him as a master piece that you couldn’t touch, but then he reminded himself that Loki was his _husband_ , and he had touched plenty of times before, and that based on how long Loki has gone without his touch, he would not object to Tony laying his hands on him. He would in fact _encourage_ it.

Tony laid on his elbow on one side, leaning his head in the palm of his hand, and reached his other arm out from beneath the covers and brushed his fingertips across Loki’s chest. He felt the rise and fall, the smooth yet hardness, and the feeling of someone so _alive_ , so _real_ , and so _his_.

Loki stirred at the faint touches and stretched, turning his head toward the owner of the hand, and at first thought that he was in a dream. It took him a moment to remember that he was back in their room, on their floor, and with his husband. He smiled at Tony so brightly that the inventor almost _whine_ _d_ at it, like seeing a homeless person being given a winning lottery ticket. Tony got a feeling of déjà vu, and believed that this is a surrogate for his usual flashes in his head. He thought it was because unlike the other flashes, which were usually brought on by similar phrases or environments used from before, this was what he had _actually_ seen before. The exact sunlight, and the smile on Loki’s face; and if it _were_ a flash, he wouldn’t know it because the image was so frequently occurring that nothing would have changed.

“Sorry.” He whispered, like Loki was still asleep. He doesn’t stop brushing his fingers across Loki’s skin though, and if anything, he flattened his hand and ran his hand on his partner’s chest, down the arms, up the neck, and settled on Loki’s cheek. The image alone was too much for him, but it drew him in and he took Loki’s lips with his own, feeling the God smile against him, letting Tony do whatever he pleased. Tony had never felt the need to be so… loving before. He was always one for the rough sex and harsh kissing, but he felt so content to just _be_ with Loki. With it being their first morning together after being reunited, he felt so familiar to the feeling, and he was glad that his past self has indulged in these morning rituals, and wondered how he could ever do without it again.

“Good morning to you, too.” Loki said when their mouths pull apart, but still so close together. Loki slept soundly in the night, not a nightmare to be seen for miles and he knew the reason, the _only_ reason why was because of this very man who was looking at him like he was a pirate’s lost treasure. The way that Tony kept his eyes on him, and the soft yet resilient hold he has on his body, told Loki that his husband never wanted to let go, and Loki was not going to _let_ him let go, before…

“ _Tony, we got Hydra agents waiting on us, you ready to fight or do you want to sit this one out?_ ” Steve’s voice sounded from the speaker in their room. Hydra? Tony hadn’t heard that name in years. His father told him about the group when he was a kid, and how they were around during the War. They’re still here? He assumed that he knew about this pre-amnesia, and Steve may be getting too worked up for the battle to recall that Tony didn’t remember. He just assumed that bad guys are bad guys, and he _wa_ _s_ ready to fight.

“Let’s do this?” He offered Loki, who gave him an eager nod. Tony threw on some clothes, and Loki simply magicked them on. ‘ _Show off._ ’ Tony thought, summoning his suit, and felt empowered as the familiar metal glided onto him (a lot smoother than his last known models). Before he let his helmet shut, he stole one more kiss from his partner, to wrap up the morning like a wax sealed envelope, and let his mask fall, the HUD lighting up in front of him.

**2**

Tony wanted to use the first battle to show off to the others what he had re-learned in the time during the last fight, but he instead spent the whole time fighting them off one-handed as he kept his eyes on Loki. The God had mixed hand to hand knife combat with magic and there was definitely some yoga being paid off in the way that he moved. He never really had much time during the Chitauri battle to admire Loki’s fighting skills since he was mainly trying to kill him and his alien men at the time, but now, when he doesn’t have to worry about him stabbing him in the back, he realised that he liked to watch. He _really_ liked to watch.

Loki knew that he was watching, too. He was sure that one or two of the Hydra agents have given him strange looks as to why he was trying to put on a show, but the looks of attention were soon looks of fear when knives were dug into their necks. It reminded him of when he and Tony started dating the first time around, looking back at how they would try to out-seduce each other, whether it be in bed, in battle, or even during dinner. He was enjoying returning to that pre-honeymoon phase of their relationship, and reminded himself that the romance between them would never fade.

Another thing that Tony noticed was that Loki would practically follow him whenever he moved to a different spot, always being within a certain amount of feet away from him. At first, he assumed that he wanted to just be around Tony a little bit longer, then he started to think that it was because he wanted to _protect_ him. This being the first time Tony was back in battle, Loki wanted to be within reaching distance in case anything were to happen to him, or to stop anything from happening in the first place.

Tony at first found it quite sweet, and thought that Loki was cute in the way that he would step in, but after a while he started to notice that he was practically not getting hit at all, and that Loki was fighting several Hydra agents at once without letting a single one even _touch_ Tony. Loki was even a bit defensive about even _Tony_ hitting them, like he was going to break his hand if he punched them. Tony appreciated the gesture and knew that Loki had his back, but he didn’t need him to be his three sixty. Tony Stark is a super hero, and super heroes have allies, not servants. Not that he wasn’t flattered.

He used the time he has not getting hit to build up his beam power to one hundred per cent, aiming it at the agents and incinerating each and every one of them with ease. He gave Loki a proud smile, and Loki just huffed a worn-out breath, not realising just how much red he saw trying to keep the others from Tony.

He knew that Tony was trying to make a point, ‘ _Calm down, I’m not made of paper._ ’ He just was not used to seeing Tony so active since his accident, despite knowing he had been practising with Steve in the gym. He just sometimes still saw the bruises and bandages that were on Tony when he was laying in the med bay bed, seeing him laying in the rubble in Sokovia, watching him fall.

(Falling.)

He wanted to catch him even though he was still standing. He spent so much time trying to make sure that Tony was getting better that he ended up being the one that was stuck in the past. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and saw that Tony had lifted his mask, giving him a look. ‘ _I’m okay._ ’ His suit lightly shot off the ground, hovering like he was lying on his stomach in thin air, pulling Loki’s cheeks in and giving him a kiss to knock some sense into him.

Loki huffed a laugh when they pulled apart, watching Tony fly off to ram through dozens of the agents like they were feathers. He heard an agent trying (and failing) to sneak up behind him while he watched Tony go, and lazily zapped his magic behind him and heard a thump. ‘ _Rude._ ’ He thought, and teleported multiple clones into different directions, wanting to win this war and get home and be Tony’s husband, rather than his ally.

**3**

_ Zona News – Page 4 _

**Iron Man: Back to Battle**

New York super hero Anthony Edward ‘ _Tony_ ’ Stark, aka Iron Man has been spotted in his latest suit in New York, a month after his injury sustained in Sokovia from the battle with Ultron. His injuries have not yet been disclosed, but he seems up and ready to fight off the Hydra Agents that have causing damage not long before the famous Avengers had shown up.

The group had been laying low since the last battle, which left 474 dead, and 177 injured. The cost in damages is still being calculated and consulted by the Sokovian officials and by S.H.I.E.L.D, the headquarters for the Avengers.

We have contacted Mr Stark for a comment.

**4**

Tony was still getting used to being required to join in on S.H.I.E.L.D debriefs after a battle, no matter how big or how small. Before the Chitauri battle it was just Iron Man, but now it’s the Avengers, and being part of a team was still fresh to him. He happened to wake up practically right after the Sokovia battle too, which took a large chunk of paperwork and debriefs which have numbed him from the boredom of meetings, but that was the least of Tony’s problems.

Those who lost their lives were far more important than a few nights of overtime. They wrecked his nights with demons enough as it was, and maybe he deserved it. Sometimes he thought that him suffering from amnesia, losing all that he knew, was a kind of justice for his part in the battle. For creating Ultron. For fighting like he was in an open field rather than a city.

“I think we are all just grateful that this wasn’t Ultron, or any of his men.” Steve stated. “I think that he needs time to heal just as much as we all do.”

“Makes him creepily human, doesn’t it?” Barton joked.

“Or maybe he’s given up?” Natasha offered. “The embarrassment of Sokovia might have drawn him away for good. You’d know about that awkwardness wouldn’t you, Loki?” She laughed, and feigned pain when Loki slapped the back of his hand on her arm, chuckling too.

“Ultron aside, Hydra is starting to seem like a growing cult, rather than a dying one. Maybe we ought to find their base where they’re training their recruits.” Bruce said.

While they talked about any future plans, Loki noticed Tony’s eyes staring into space, and he linked their fingers together under the table to stir him, eyes forward and listening to the debrief. This kept Tony out of his negative mind set, but he still wanted to take it another step. He slid his leg over to Tony’s, brushing them together and sending silent messages filled with promises.

He took the way Tony inches his leg closer as a good sign, and took the way that Tony unlinks their fingers so he can slide his hand over Loki’s thigh as an ever better sign. Loki smiled to himself, glad that the promise of their date is still being upheld even through distraction of battle and business. Tony had always liked to mix pleasure into those things anyway. It was nice to know that he had not lost that trait along the way.

The hand inches higher up Loki’s thigh, and the God leaned back in his seat, appearing professional from the waist up. Loki was not as vocal as Tony, and found that voicing his pleasure was more voluntary than anything, although he did find that he tended to struggle to keep in the noises that come from his throat when Tony had his hands on him in a public place or around others. Maybe it was the threat of people finding them doing things they shouldn’t in places that they _really_ shouldn’t that turned Loki on. And that was something Tony made a mental note of, because he knew now that he had to learn Loki’s body all over again.

Yes, they were taking things relatively slow as this was a relationship not a fling, but Tony was being very forward with the way that his hand had blatantly took hold of him through his jeans, working him up for later.

Loki couldn’t wait for later.

The meeting finished up minutes before Loki was about to end it himself, and practically dragged Tony out of the building.

**5**

The minute they all made it back home, Tony and Loki quickly gave their wishes to the other Avengers and rushed to the elevator. Some were confused what the hurry was, but others (Bruce specifically) knew one hundred per cent where they were going, and what they were going to do. He knew that look that they gave each other, and he had seen and heard on more than one occasion what it led to.

The second the door closed, Loki had Tony pushed up against the wall, his leg slotting between Tony’s and both of their arms grabbing at each other’s shirts and hair. Tony laughed when Loki was rushing to kiss every inch of Tony’s skin, going from his forehead to his lips to his collarbone so quick that it was sloppy and wet and not as romantic as he imagined Loki to be, but he knew that he was so desperate for this, so he let him go for it as hard he pleased. Hell, Tony himself was a prominent playboy and not even then had he ever been so worked up by the person he was getting himself off with. Maybe it’s the residue of the flash he had, proposing to Loki, and the love was still playing off full storm that he was barely able to stop himself from letting loose on Loki now that he was ready to take this step with him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Loki asked between kisses. Tony just tutted in a way that said ‘ _Do I look like I’m about to say no?_ ’ and dragged him closer.

Tony fumbled to the door to his, no, _their_ bedroom, pulling the God in by his lips and clothes and hair and everything he could get his hands or mouth on. Loki kicked the door closed behind them, and smiled at the familiar _click_ noise that locks only when Friday knew that they’re… up to something. Tony heard the noise, and waved it off as another future feature, and wasn’t going to ask when Loki’s tongue was in his mouth, keeping him busy.

They fumbled with each other’s shirts and belt buckles, Tony’s legs hitting the bed and falling into it, pulling Loki down with him. Once the floor was strewn with their clothes, Tony got a feeling that he didn’t think about before. He hadn’t done anything like _this_ before. Not with a man. Not that he knew of at least, especially not while sober. He knew that he must have done this plenty of times with Loki, him being his husband and all, so his body must be… accustomed to the sensation, but he was not sure if he is mentally ready to do so for the first time in a rush of post-battle euphoria.

He had messed around hundreds of times with nameless women during his playboy days without a single worry, but Loki was an important person in his life, and he wanted their (second-)first time to be done right when he was mentally sane, but right now he was so worked up on adrenaline that he probably couldn’t even think straight to know the difference between lube or a lamp.

Loki didn’t let him worry over this, because he let Tony get comfortable on the bed before settling between his legs, keeping friction while focusing on Tony’s neck. He knew that his partner was nervous over this, he had thought about it in advance, so he kept the love-making to a level that he was comfortable with. They were both too worked up after the battle to _not_ relieve themselves, but not relaxed enough to bother with the real deal. If it were any other time, they’d be prepared for it, but right now they just want to _feel_.

This was the first time that Loki got to show off his skills to Tony in a way that he would remember. He felt like he ought to step up his game and to make it phenomenal for his partner, letting him know that _this_ was who he married. He smiled into the crevasse of Tony’s collarbones, and kissed his way down his chest, going lower, and lower. He felt Tony’s stomach jerk in surprise, but definitely not fear. Tony buried one hand in his pillow, and one in Loki’s hair, running it through, and pushing down. So _eager_.

Loki wanted Tony on the edge for him, so the feeling was almost deafening and mind-numbing and body-wracking that he would still be dazed by the morning. He left Tony feeling this way pretty much every single time they made love, no matter how it was done, or how long. Despite this, he still felt the need to put in just that little bit more effort to make it incredible for his lover. Tony had always appreciated the abilities of the Gods, and Loki would take the praise over and over again.

“Loki.” Tony huffed, already feeling every part of him asking for the man. He felt Loki’s cheeks brush against his thighs in a smile, and Tony knows that he is really enjoying building Tony up with sensual kisses and bites and running his tongue in areas that he shouldn’t be able to reach if he were human. And God damn, Loki was proving right now that he was very much _not human_. Tony looked down and sees a mess of sweaty black hair pooling around his thighs and stomach, moving back and forth, _working_ him. When he finally, _finally_ felt those lips press wet kisses to his tip, he lets his eyes roll closed, leaning his head back into the pillow and tightening his grip on Loki’s hair.

Loki knew every inch of Tony, of what he liked, and what he _love_ _d_. He used this to his advantage, as Tony didn’t know just how much Loki knew his body. He had never had someone know his own pleasures so well, and Loki wanted it to blow him away (pun intended). He flicked and brushed the end of his tongue, to the whole thing, along the veins on Tony’s hard appendage and the man’s breathing increased in speed with every passing minute to the point where he was heaving as Loki slid him into his warm mouth, sucking in his cheeks and lowering himself. Tony’s eyes were squeezed shut, disbelieving that this was even possible to feel by just a mouth and some nerve endings. He made a quick mental note to make a bigger barrier of iron on his suits around his genitalia because he does not ever want to risk damage in battle when _this_ was what the thing was capable of. He usually treated himself on his previous birthdays to multiple women at once for the whole night, but nothing, absolutely _nothing_ could have ever, or will ever, beat what he was feeling now in just a few minutes of getting his clothes off.

Loki’s cheeks were sucked in like a leech, and Tony thought he was going to pass out from the pleasure. Loki was quick to work himself up and down on Tony, missing being able to show Tony just how much he loved him. And God, if Tony did not believe it before, he definitely believed it now. His grip on Loki’s hair was probably too tight, but he reminded himself that Loki was a deity and probably could take it. Hell, he probably loved it. Tony laughed into the air, and he didn’t find anything funny, he just felt so fucking happy in that moment that he didn’t think he could do with not making some kind of noise. Loki took it as a sign of appreciation, and worked his fingers on Tony’s balls, rolling and rubbing and cupping and keeping Tony so lost and seeing the stars that none of them could even remember their names.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Tony was panting, his breathing so hard that he could hear his heart beating in his ears, and wondered how there was any blood left to go around his body, with it all going to his cock in a race like some kind of sprint from class to the candy store. “Jesus Christ, Loki, I can’t… I can’t…” He felt the wave flow through him, and he arched his back, feeling pulses go through his body like loud music on a speaker, flowing through each bone and vein and through every organ and muscle enough that he felt electrocuted by pleasure. Loki didn’t let him go during all of it, and reached out to link his fingers between Tony’s when he felt the liquid go down his throat, making the moment so intimate that Tony thought he would have a second orgasm during his first.

Loki rubbed slow circles on Tony’s hand as he came down from the first release Loki had given to him. Tony’s breathing was so heavy and rapid, and he was so lost in their world that he didn’t even know what was happening any more, and his senses still going strong that he barely could tell that it was even over. He would have thought that Loki’s lips were still around him if he had not felt them going up his neck and on his jawline. He just let his eyes roll closed and threw an arm around Loki’s shoulders, completely wrecked of any and all movement from here on out. If an enemy just barged into his room right now, he would simply let them kill him because he was already in heaven by the looks of it. Loki giggled into him, stealing quick kisses before settling by laying tightly by his side.

“So was _this_ our date?” Tony mumbled. “Just falling back into bed and giving me a blow job?”

“Usually?” Loki replied, “That’s how they _start_.”

Tony laughed into the room; and it sounded, and felt, spectacular.


	13. Between Scylla And Charybdis

**** **1**

Over the next couple of weeks, things started to settle down. As much as Loki loved the calm, and especially loved the nights in bed, things staying the same with Tony wasn’t always a good thing. He wanted – needed – Tony to be moving forward. Not necessarily every minute of the day, but the flashes had practically ground to a halt.

He made multiple attempts to trigger some memories. Recreating conversations, taking him on dates they have been on before, even sitting with Tony to watch some more video surveillance to see if he could recall anything, and still nothing.

He would admit that he was afraid that Tony was riding solely on the memory of his proposal, and that the euphoria would soon fade from it, and he would start to love Loki less. If there was anything he feared more than him losing his memories forever, was him never loving Loki again.

He sat in his library filled with magic books from Asgard, searching and searching for some kind of remedy he could conjure. It took him hours, and he was going through cups and cups of tea to keep his mind going.

He eventually found something. A concoction called Scårne that did not necessarily bring the lost memories back, but could give the brain a surge of some sort, almost like an adrenaline rush, that increased the usage of all areas of the mind. But of course, every strength has a weakness, and it did have the possibility that when used, such strong power could damage a broken mind further. Loki could not risk affecting Tony’s brain to the point where he lost the memories all together, but what if he never regained them without it?

Loki ran his hands down his face, not knowing just how exhausted he was. He brought up the surveillance footage in their bedroom and found Tony fast asleep after one of their love making sessions. Loki smiled at the sight.

They had been experimenting with what they do under the sheets, and thought ahead for the night when they go for the real thing. Not that what they have already been doing _wasn’t_ the real thing, but there was just something official between them about being inside one another. The unity of it. He checked the time, and found that he wanted to get some rest in for the night, and went to his floor to join his husband in bed. Because no matter how harsh the days can be, as long as he can curl into bed with Anthony, then he knew that he could accomplish anything.

**2**

“So?” Loki asked Bruce, showing him the Scårne. “What do you think?”

“I think you’re going a bit far.” The scientist said with honesty. “Things have been progressing fine enough on their own, I don’t think you should implement magic into this. Especially on someone who is in the middle of healing in their own way. You need to let this be.”

“But it’s been weeks, Bruce.” Loki protested. “What if he never heals as much as he should?”

“What if this magic prevents the possibility of that happening at all?”

“We don’t know that.”

“Exactly, then. We don’t know whether or not he will heal on his own.”

“But…”

“Loki.” Bruce’s voice was stern, and Loki straightened at it. He didn’t realise that he was overwhelming the man, and did not want to see the _other_ guy because of it. “We are all struggling with this, you are struggling with this, and Tony is struggling with this. If there was an easier way out I would be sure to consider it. But I will _not_ , I repeat, I will _not_ let you do anything that will cause any further damage.”

Loki was silent, taking in his words. Banner felt bad afterwards, of course, he’s a sensitive guy, but he meant what he said and stood by his views. He knew that Loki meant well, but he also thought that Loki was trying to push the boundaries of science, and once he did that, everything that Bruce could do was out of his hands. He would no longer be able to judge Tony’s progress.

“I understand.” Loki said, and it was not a heartless statement meant to just end the conversation, it was a real honest agreement. Bruce was right. Loki was pulling at strings while he’s stuck on the edge of a cliff. One wrong move and the whole thing will fall. He needed to keep both hands on the ground.

“Like you said about this,” Bruce added. “It will cause more harm than good if Tony is hurt while it’s in effect. And we have a battle coming up, Loki. Say Ultron comes before the treatment is complete and Tony gets hurt, what then? It’s just not a risk that I’m willing to take, and I don’t think you or Tony want to take that either.”

Loki nodded along. He heard Banner’s words, he just wished that there could be something he could do for this very reason. Ultron could show up at any moment, and Tony needed to be able to fight. He should just take things for the way they are, and let whatever happened happen. And maybe he _ha_ _d_ been overthinking this, putting one foot two spaces ahead when he did not need to.

“Speak of the devil.” Bruce whispered, and Loki followed the scientist’s eyes to the TV mounted on the wall, showing a live news feed of the streets of New York, getting surrounded by hundreds of metal men.

“ _No_.” Loki murmured, before rushing out of the room to get the other Avengers. War had come early.

**3**

“You’re shitting me.” Tony said over the intercom. The Avengers, officials and recruits, all lined up outside the Avengers Tower and scanned the surrounding area. Ultron’s army had made their move, but the man himself was yet to be seen. Tony assumed that he wanted to be fashionably late to the show. ‘ _Like father like son._ ’ He thought, but brushed the thought aside before he started the pity party.

“We know the play?” Natasha asked, fists rising.

“Like the back of my hand.” Clint confirmed, and they each ran off in different directions, ready to start and end this.

“Wait.” Loki quickly grabbed hold of Tony’s wrist, pulling him close. The iron mask raised when he knew what was about to happen, and let Loki reach in and press a hard kiss to his lips. “Be safe.” Tony doesn’t offer a reply, because it’s not something he can guarantee, being Iron Man out of all things, so he settled with a wink and a winning smile.

“Jesus, these guys keep coming.” Tony cursed over the intercom, grunting with each hit and smack and blast of his repulse beam. “Maybe we should have got to them before they got to us. There’s too god damn many.”

“Can’t go back now, Stark.” Barton said, and everyone heard the underlying joke in what he said, whether or not any of them found it funny.

The fight went on for about two hours, and even though it did not seem very long, when every second was a chance of life and death on the battlefield, it felt like forever. Everyone was feeling exhausted, but none faltered. Not when they had their friends and the city on the line.

The Avengers could not tell until it was too late that they were completely surrounded, crowded up against each other and outnumbered by the hundreds. They were closing in, a seemingly endless amount of robots sprinting towards them. Loki and Tony shared a look, nodding as a silent agreement.

They aimed up their gauntlets, and shot their devices, a link of magic and science zooming on either side of the surrounding robots and wrapped around to connect behind them. The green on white tightened around them and crushed the rest of Ultron’s men all at once, crippling hundreds of robots to the ground, to rubble, to dust, to nothing.

As the battle ground fell silent, the Avengers looked around and at each other. Tony slowly raised a smile at Loki. ‘ _We did it._ ’ It said, but the smile did not stay for long. Loki’s face turned from relief to alarm when Ultron flew down behind Tony.

♪ _Remember all the things we wanted_  
_Now all the memories they're haunted_  
 _We were always meant to say goodbye_  
 _Even with our fists held high_  
 _It never would have worked out right_  
 _We were never meant for do or die_ ♪

Before he could turn around, Ultron grabbed Tony, holding him in a grip so strong that the shorter man thought it would break his bones, and it felt like some of them did. The others were about to charge him but Ultron ceased them in grips stronger than any of them could break out of. Tony’s suit was breaking beneath him, his beam lights fading and being rendered useless.

“You know what happens when love conflicts on the battlefield, Loki.” Ultron teased. “There’s just no room for it.” He gripped the top of Tony’s helmet, the metal cracking beneath it like foam, ripping it off of Tony’s head and leaving scratches up his face. Loki felt just as broken as his husband looked.

♪ _I didn't want us to burn out, I  
Didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop _ ♪

“I may have lost the battle, but I have won the war.” He gloated. “I’ve left you all broken from the inside out once, and I can do it again.” He looked to Clint and Wanda, struggling in their solid states, and smiled. “Pietro’s death broke both of you more than any punches could, didn’t it? It kills you more than the bullets killed him.”

The hawk kept his gaze steady, but the statement was true, no matter who said it. The bruises healed, but the loss could never go away. He gave his life for Clint and the child that he was protecting. Ultron took pride in being the cause of breaking them all down from the one way that can’t be fixed.

♪ _I want you to know_  
_It doesn't matter_  
 _Where we take this road_  
 _But someone's gotta go_  
 _And I want you to know_  
 _You couldn't have loved me better_  
 _But I want you to move on_  
 _So I'm already gone_ ♪

Tony saw Loki struggling, and held his gaze, watching tears fill Loki’s eyes, trying to keep them in.

“ _It’s okay._ ” He mouthed to the God. “ _I love you._ ” If things took a turn for the worst, he didn’t want Loki to blame himself if he… if he…

♪ _Looking at you makes it harder_  
_But I know that you'll find another_  
 _Doesn't always make you want to cry_  
 _It started with the perfect kiss then_  
 _We could feel the poison set in_  
 _Perfect couldn't keep this love alive_ ♪

Ultron brought his hand down in a swift punch to Tony’s head. Blood coming out of him with every blow, and Loki screaming was blocking out the horrific noises that he never wanted to hear.

Tony fell unconscious, though the grip that Ultron had on him didn’t let him limp that much, but his eyes drooped closed and unwillingly let his body be a rag doll for the monster that he never intended to create.

Smash.

Smash.

_Smash._

♪ _Know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go _ ♪

Before Ultron could hit another blow, one that would certainly kill Tony, Vision appeared behind him. He ceased Ultron’s arm as it was raised, and it only took a moment.

It always just takes a moment.

His gem incinerated Ultron’s last remaining form where it stood, releasing Tony as he was destroyed. The broken man fell to the floor before the Avengers had regained their movement, and Loki shot forward and fell next to Tony, wrapping him up in his arms, protecting him from the harsh world around them.

Thor tried to put a hand on Loki, but he instantly drew his hand back when Loki screamed at them. “Back off! Just leave us!”

“Loki, we need to get him to the med bay.” Bruce insisted.

“I’ll get him there! Just… just leave us, please!” He was crying so hard that nothing was coming out other than shivers of pain. The others stood there for a few seconds, before Natasha whispered to Bruce that Loki needed this moment. The rest hesitantly agreed, and ran off to check for remaining survivors among the debris.

♪ _I want you to know_  
_It doesn't matter_  
 _Where we take this road_  
 _But someone's gotta go_  
 _And I want you to know_  
 _You couldn't have loved me better_  
 _But I want you to move on_  
 _So I'm already gone_  
 _I'm already gone_ ♪

Loki sat there, alone in the rubble, holding the broken man in his arms, washing the blood away with his tears. He ran his fingers through Tony’s matted hair, hoping that the touch could heal his mind alone, although he knew that there was nothing that he could do.

“Tony.” He cried in a whisper. “Don’t leave me again.” He muttered this over and over and over again until his world became numb. As Tony lay limp in his arms, unresponsive, Loki’s breathing became harsh and haggard, taking a deep breath in and screamed into the storm.

And it was there, holding the man that he feared he would never hold again, that he felt the cold.

♪ _Remember all the things we wanted_  
_Now all the memories they're haunted_  
 _We were always meant to say goodbye_ ♪

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Already Gone - Sleeping At Last
> 
> (This is a cover version of Kelly Clarkson's song, but I prefer Sleeping At Last's version as it is more emotional for this scene.)


	14. Did Venus Blow Your Mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning, this chapter contains mature content.

**** **1**

Loki never wanted to have to sleep in the med bay again. But here he was, in the same chair next to the same bloodied and battered Tony for yet another week. He didn’t know if he wanted to sleep or not, because real life was just as terrifying to him as the nightmares. Either way he was alone, and the torture never ended.

Bruce would come in and out, but the doctor would only leave with a hand on Loki’s shoulder, because the only thing that could make the man feel better was Tony. Everything was out of his hands, out of everyone’s hands, and that was the worst kind of poison. He held onto Tony so long that he was sure he would physically become part of him.

He didn’t want to imagine what the damage was, but thoughts haunted his mind. Has Tony lost the memories again? Did he lose _all_ of his memories and won’t even remember his own name? Would he have irreversible brain damage? Would he be in a coma forever? Would he pass away in his sleep? Loki took a deep breath to keep himself from thinking about things like that. He was already hating himself on not talking more about Iðunn’s apples with Tony, about keeping him forever, and being able to survive these kinds of injuries. If he lost Tony now… he would want to go with him. He had had enough. He couldn’t put up with much more of this pain.

“I love you.” He whispered. “And I am sorry.” He laid his head down on Tony’s hand that he was holding and pressed kisses to each finger, to the palm and the back, to his wrist, everywhere he could reach. Like Tony was a king. And he was Loki’s king.

“F…” A quiet voice whispered. Loki’s head shot up, knowing that they were the only ones in the room. “F… hu…”

“Tony.” Loki whispered, his voice breaking because he didn’t know what was happening. He quickly pressed for the call button, wanting Bruce to be here in case Tony tried to attack Loki again like he did the first time. Loki stood above the bed, leaning and whispering words of reassurance to Tony.

“For… what?” Tony managed to say, drowsy but aware in his mind.

“What?” Loki asked, choking on a sob, a cry mixed with a laugh, because there was a look in Tony’s eyes that was clearly recognition, and that was a damn good sign enough for Loki right now.

“Sorry for what?” He managed to breath, and there was a simple smile on those lips. Loki blew a laugh, and buried his face in Tony’s neck, letting himself cry because why the hell not. Bruce rushed into the room at this point, asking if everything was okay.

“He’s awake.” Loki told him. Bruce was hesitant at first, though when he saw that Tony was smiling, he let some of his worries disappear. He immediately checked all of the equipment to make sure that Tony’s vitals and scans were fine. Loki held Tony’s face in his hands, keeping him close. “You’re okay.” He whispered.

“I always am, darlin’.” Tony said in a mocking accent. He looked… happy. Loki just beamed at him and peppered his face with kisses and overflowing with love. “Damn, someone’s keen. What did I miss?”

“A week, actually.” Bruce stated. “But just for a safety measure, and for my own content, can you tell me what you think the date is?” He just needed to know, right here and right now. Where was Tony at?

“Crap… uh… June? 2015?” He winced, like he was on a game show just throwing out an answer. Loki turns to Bruce, looking a little confused.

“It’s August, Tony.” Bruce corrected.

“But you said I’ve missed a week?” Bruce nodded at this, trying to figure it out himself.

“Did he forget again?” Loki asked.

“What do you mean again?”

“Tony what do you last remember?” Bruce asked, ignoring the question. Tony’s eyes fuzzed a little, like he was trying to think. He was still waking up, although always had a snarky personality no matter the situation.

“I remember falling… falling from a building.” He said, seeming unsure of himself, though nodded as though it was coming back to him.

“I think he remembers Sokovia.” Bruce suggested. “Maybe the hit on the head knocked the memories that he lost before back in, from the Chitauri up until the Sokovia accident, but everything after that back out.”

“So everything after the amnesia is gone?” Loki asks.

“And everything before has come back.”

“Guys, guys, fill me in here?” Tony prodded. He looked like a guy that showed up halfway through a joke, trying to get the story from the punch line. Loki turned to him, and gave him a smile of reassurance.

“Everything is okay, my love.” He whispered, voice filled with so much relief. Tony didn’t understand much of what was going on, but he was with his husband, and that was all that he needed right now.

**2**

It took another two weeks for Tony to finally be able to leave the med bay. He would have scan after scan after scan to make sure that he wasn’t going to suddenly have a seizure or anything of the sort, but everything seemed okay. Once again, he was a man of miracles. A survivor. His fractures were still healing, but they could do so in their own time. Tony was sick of hearing the beeping of machines and the smell of rubber gloves.

Loki would always have his hand on Tony’s back, an assurance that he could walk even though he had crutches to help him along. Tony let Loki protect him, because he knew that it was more for Loki’s peace of mind than anything else.

There was still a period of time lost in his mind, so it took him a little bit of time to get used to the smaller adaptations over the past two months that he had lost. He supposed that it was better to have lost two months than two years. Not that he remembered what it was like to forget all that time, and he was kind of thankful that he didn’t remember it. He would get confused by all the mixing of time frames, of Loki repeating everything, and remembering himself suddenly falling out of love with Loki and working his way back up again. Even a genius can get lost in his own world sometimes.

Loki does take the time to talk to Bruce, though. To give his thanks and apologies.

“No need.” Bruce reassured. “You did what you did with good intentions, I just helped you clear things up.”

“But you _were_ right. Say Ultron came just a little later, and I had not spoken to you. Tony would have been hurt, and it would have been irreversible. I… would not have been able to live with myself. So… thank you.”

“You’re family.” Bruce said, and it made Loki feel like a child again. Tony had called him family, but for Bruce to, it really made him feel part of the Avengers. Even though he had been for almost two years, he still felt like the black sheep. But he supposed that that was just thoughts that everyone has about themselves.

He knew that Bruce felt like this, too. So he wanted to return the favour, to make him feel cared for; because he was. Loki stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Bruce in a hug, patting and rubbing his back. He felt a small laugh against his shoulder, and he smiled at it.

Loki left that room feeling a sense of relief and contentment, and Bruce stood in the room with the same smile on his face that Loki had.

**3**

“Your shitting me.” Tony looked like a child on Christmas once Loki showed him the complete duo-device they finished creating. Last that he remembered was it being just a blueprint, but now it was right here in front of him and fully functional. He gave a mental fist bump to his past self and asked Loki to try it out with him to see it for the first time (that he will remember). Once again, the target fell, they shoot, the beam and magic zooming around the metal and tightened like a noose, burning and melting and crushing all at once.

“You should have seen it in battle. It worked on around a hundred of Ultron’s men, practically turning them into fireworks. Just imagine what it could do with a thousand.”

“I’m excited for just the one.” Tony said, almost bouncing with glee.

Tony looked around his lab, finding things he left pretty much the same, some things worked on and some new things overall. It was like a burglar came in the night and gave you stuff rather than took it.

Loki much preferred Tony being excited by the change rather than being afraid of it like he was before. He’s not cautious of Loki tampering with his stuff or being weirded out by his presence, he was content, and taking this change much easier.

They settled down after a while of getting used to his new workspace, and Loki showed his some of his magic that he had improved on, because Tony loved watching Loki work as much as Loki loved him watching.

Tony looked at Loki, and he looked different since the last time that he saw him. Not just because two months had passed in his lost time, but he looked… dispirited. Forlorn. Tired, almost. And he supposed that he must be. After having to deal with Tony so suddenly when things were going great between them must have taken its toll on Loki’s lifestyle. But he was still here, by Tony’s side, just as devoted as he always had been and still so in love. Tony wanted to bring Loki to the bright state he was used to, and had an idea.

“I want us to go to bed.” Tony stated, almost out of nowhere. “Do the real thing, wink wink.” Loki gave a breathy laugh, eyes still on his magic.

“That keen, are we? Maybe I should get knighted. Sir Silvertongue. How do you like the sound of that?”

“I mean…” Loki looked at him when he doesn’t finish his sentence, but rather used his fingers to motion what he was trying to say, and Loki knew what he wanted. He gaped like a fish for a moment or two, and Tony had never seen him so muddled. He found it kind of funny. Maybe he’s not so worthy of being Sir Silvertongue after all.

“You’re injured.” Loki settled with mumbling. He had never been this nervous around Tony since he first came back to Midgard, only then was for his safety, now it was for Tony’s.

“Loki, I have been tortured to the point of having a fist-sized hole in my chest and I still managed to build a whole Iron Man suit and survive wandering in the desert alone for hours. I think I can handle a little bit of back and forth action with you.” He gave a compelling argument, but he saw that Loki was still trying to find something to counteract.

Not that Loki _doesn’t_ want them to make love, it was merely the remnants of his over-bearing care and need to protect Tony that was telling him that he should watch his step. He mentally rid of the thought with a fly swatter and told himself that Tony wanted him. And after everything that had happened, Loki himself _definitely_ wanted this.

**4**

Loki led Tony to the bed with gentle hands. He double checked the temperature in the room, made sure he had enough lubricant, and asked Tony if he was okay every other minute. It drove Tony insane, but he loved it. Loki was making this out to be like it was some kind of royal ceremony.

He eased Tony out of his clothes, careful and alert in case he hurt Tony’s fractured arm or leg, barely brushing the casts as though a feather touch could do any kind of damage. Tony used said arm to pull Loki closer, to show that he was still strong and could handle a bit of roughness. After everything, he knew that Loki was just as excited as he was to get back at it, he just needed to get him on the same page.

“Easy.” Loki whispered, more to himself than to Tony, as he eased them both onto the bed, both naked, both eager, and both _wanting_. He sighed into his husband’s neck, and even though they had been intimate before, there’s something just that little bit more relieving about finally being able to have the real Tony back, and being able to make love for the millionth time, rather than pretending it was the first. He settled between the shorter man’s legs, breathing him in and just lying in the moment.

Soon Tony coaxed Loki up, and he went for the lubricant on their night stand. The simple steps they were so used to seemed like climbing a mountain for Loki. He forgot just how much lubricant he needed, underestimating and overestimating, until Tony took his hand and did it for him. Loki watched as Tony completed the simple task with ease, feeling like _he_ was the one who was now out of time. He laughed, and Tony took it without asking why.

Loki took his time preparing his husband, and it felt like it had been at least an hour, but both of them loved it. He did not want to rush this, and Tony wouldn’t dare tell him to speed things up, because he didn’t want him to either. He just laid there, feeling Loki’s fingers inside him, and running his hands up Loki’s back and in his hair and kissing his shoulder and just pouring his love on Loki because he knew that he needed it. He could feel the way that he so desperately _need_ _ed_ it.

“Okay.” Loki whispered to no one. “Okay.”

The air was already hot even before they had begun, and only got hotter when Loki had taken his time easing into his husband like it was their first time. He leaned his head on Tony’s chest as though he was begging for forgiveness, though there was no need for such a thing.

He checked on Tony every time he took the slightest breath or moved at all, and Tony wanted nothing more than to make Loki feel safe. To let him know that nothing he did would hurt him. He wanted to _feel_ this moment, but he could tell by the look of such concentration on Loki’s face that he was trying so hard to hold back, trying not to _hurt_ Tony. But Tony didn’t care if every single bone in his body turned to dust at the touch of Loki, he _needed_ this right now. They _both_ needed this right now.

“Loki.” Tony whispered, holding his lover’s face in his hands to make him look at him. “It’s okay.” He assured. “I want this.”

Loki kept his eyes locked with Tony’s as he moved, not breaking the contact. Tony’s eyes didn’t leave his either. He took comfort in Tony’s words, knowing that he didn’t need to be so cautious. This was sex, and he knew what Tony liked in bed, but he was still treating him like he’s a different person. He was still trying to shake off the feelings and memories of him being so vulnerable.

He increased the speed of his movement, wanting to give him and Tony the pleasure that they had waited so long for. He kept mindful of Tony’s injuries, but didn’t let that prevent him from pouring his love out that he had kept caged. His breath was coming out in quick harsh beats, ceasing every now and again when he buried his face in Tony’s neck to press rough kisses to his skin, being encouraged by the soft moans coming from the throat he was running his tongue along.

When they usually make love, they like to experiment with positions and equipment and changing things around every now and again, but right now, in this moment, Loki was content with the simplest of actions. Just having Tony lay here beneath him, asking for his touch, and responding with giving him everything he is asking for and more is enough for him. Tony’s hands running up and down Loki’s back were sending shivers through him. Whispering each other’s names, telling each other just how much they loved them was enough to spur Loki to keep _moving_.

Everything he needed to be satisfied was right here in his arms, and when he looked into Tony’s hazed eyes, filled with pleasure and promises, did he feel the wave flow through his entire body, wrecking him of everything he held back for. For the first time in months did Loki feel so complete, and at home. He kept going, even when he was done, because he wanted to see the same feeling on Tony’s face and body, and because he didn’t want to let go. If he let go, he felt like he was going to get sucked into the sky, so he held onto his world, who held onto him back.

When Tony came, he threw his head back, back arching and sealing themselves in a deal they never made. Neither of them moved for minutes, just laid in the bliss of the moment and relearning what life felt like beyond the throes of passion.

Loki slowly rolled to his side of the bed, linking his hand with Tony’s because there was _no way_ that he was about to let him go. They let their breathing slow down, and their heart rates lower, feeling the cool breeze of the room settle on their bodies like dandelion florets. Tony laughed into the air, because he always loved the feeling of his chest freeing up when he’s happy. And he was. Absolutely, one hundred per cent happy.


	15. Epilogue

**1**

Two months after Ultron was defeated, and everything was back to ‘ _normal_ ’, a party was officially held for Sam, Wanda, Rhodey, Bucky and Vision. They were celebrating them all becoming official Avengers. The future looked better than it had done so as of late. Not perfect, but better.

Sokovia was in the process of getting rebuilt, and Tony donated the money needed to construct the city, giving food, water and shelter to all the citizens. Not that that fixed everything. There were still people who lost their loved ones from all of the destruction, and some do blame the Avengers as well as Ultron for the damage, but it’s not a perfect world. If it were, the world wouldn’t need the Avengers. They do what they can, and take what they get.

If this was pre-married Tony, he would be drinking up half of the party’s alcohol, but he had been cutting down and he was finding that he liked to be in a suit after hours and be able to walk in a straight line. He especially liked going to bed with the same man every night, and waking up with him too.

He stood on the balcony, looking out at the city with some vol-au-vents in hand, feeling the vibrations of the music hit the glass door and hum into the cold air. For someone who was so keen on being the centre of the party, he did spend a lot of time lately in the corners of the rooms. He found that he liked to watch. Maybe all this knocking around in his brain had made him appreciate what it felt like to see others rather than feel others see him.

He’d been getting tired of all the attention lately anyhow. Not that he will ever get tired of being in Loki’s sights. And speak of the devil, Loki snuck up behind his husband and slid his arms around his waist, tucking his hands under Tony’s tux. They both hum at the feeling of holding and being held. Tony let his head loll back, Loki’s chin resting on his shoulder.

They stood there, together on the balcony, taking in each other’s company. Just the two of them. No other Avengers, no press, no Ultron. No worrying over the future or the past. No caution or suppressed feelings, everything just out in the open. The music inside changed to a song that Loki recognised, and laughed into Tony’s shoulder, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Shall we dance, my love?” He whispered, and the cold wisp of air that escaped his lips blew in the air, lost in the light wind.

♪ _If I had my life_  
_To live over again_  
 _I would truly take you_  
 _For my love again_ ♪

“Mmh.” Tony hummed, almost sounding like he was falling asleep in Loki’s arms. He always felt safe in them. He doesn’t recall a time when he hadn’t. “Just sway with me here, darlin’.” He mumbled. “Everything I need is right here.” He ran his hands up and down Loki’s arms, and Loki could tell he was cold even through his suit jacket, so he took his hands in his own and slid them back under Tony’s tux, keeping him safe and protected by the cruel outside.

“Sounds like a perfect plan.” Loki agreed, closing his eyes and feeling a wave of grateful bliss flow through his body and he held the man of his dreams in his arms, and wondered just how he managed to get this happy. It was almost overwhelming, but he knew better than to feel undeserving and let go.

♪ _Oh, how I'd love you_  
_Over and over_  
 _Over and over_  
 _Over again_ ♪

“This balcony has a better view than the one in our bedroom.” Tony stated.

“We get to see the sunrise in our bedroom.” Loki noted. “And anyway, if we are in our bedroom and you are distracted by the view outside, then maybe I’m not doing a good enough job of keeping you occupied on me.”

Tony laughed at this, and Loki smiled back at it. “I don’t know about that. I could have the whole world in view outside my window, and you’d still be a better sight.”

“Anthony Edward Stark, I had no idea you were so romantic.” Loki said in a snarky voice.

“Well then I guess that you don’t know _everything_ about me, huh?”

“I suppose I don’t.” Loki rubbed his fingers along Tony’s under his suit, enjoying the intimacy. He also found that he liked the fact that he doesn’t know _everything_ about Tony. They could be together for the rest of eternity and he could still be surprised by him. And this reminded him of why he came out here.

♪ _Yes, I would love you_  
_Over and over_  
 _Over and over_  
 _Over again_ ♪

“Would you let me spend the rest of your life learning as much about you as I can?” He asked.

“That’s why I married you.” Tony said. Loki hesitated, but not for long before he asked his next question.

“Would you let me spend the rest of eternity learning as much about you as I can?” The question lingered for a moment, and Loki could tell that Tony knew what he was asking. He didn’t tense in his arms, which was a good sign, and leaned even further into Loki’s arms, which was an even better sign.

Tony turned his head to face Loki, brown eyes looking into green, and gave a sated smile. “Again, Loki, That is why I married you.”

♪ _One lifetime isn't long enough_  
_To be with you_  
 _I'd need more time_  
 _To give this love of mine_  
 _That I have for you_ ♪

“Anthony.” Loki whispered. Tony slid one hand out of his shirt and Loki’s hold, reaching back into his husbands shirt and taking the round object from his pocket that he felt the second he leaned back into him. He knew what it was, and was only verified by the feeling of it.

The golden apple glowed dimly between them when Tony turned in Loki’s arms, thankful that he didn’t let go. They looked down at it, Loki with slight worry in his eyes, and Tony with complete one hundred per cent certainty. When Loki saw this look, he couldn’t take it eyes off the man in his arms.

He had dreamed of this image for so long. Tony holding such a power that would give him the ability to stay with Loki through this world for eternity. Despite the wish for it to be real, whenever Loki had thought about this before he always felt a twinge of guilt and selfishness. He felt like he was only asking Tony this because _he_ wanted Tony to be with him forever. But looking at him now, he saw that his husband wanted this just as much as he did. Because _he_ wanted to spend eternity with Loki, too. And that was the difference between dreams and reality, the fears get eliminated before your very eyes. And that goes for nightmares as well.

♪ _Then I would love you_  
_Over and over_  
 _Over and over_  
 _Over again_ ♪

Tony took a last smile, bringing the apple up to his lips before Loki put a hand on his wrist, keeping him from taking the bite.

“Anthony, are you sure about this?” He needed to be certain. “Have you thought this through properly? Do you really want this?” Tony looked at his husband, smiling and shaking his head, like a parent watching a kid try and act grown up.

“Loki, I have spent months and months thinking this over. Since the first time you asked me, right up until the day I woke up after Ultron. Because after seeing what happened, you doing everything in your power not just to get my memories back, but to make me fall in love with you again in case that didn’t work, that was proof enough. I don’t need to wonder about anything. I married you because I believed that you would do something like that for me, and you actually did, so that is where this comes in.” He raised the apple by his face, the glow shining against Tony’s cheek like the sunrise on his body every morning.

“I also looked back on some of the surveillance footage. I watched you take care of me. I watched you make me fall in love with you all over again. Not once did you ever even think of giving up on me, and even when things were tough, you never left me. You had a second chance at life, and you still chose me again.” Loki looked down at this, feeling himself get emotional over Tony’s words. But his husband cupped his face with both hands and brought his face closer to his own, pressing a kiss to his lips that spoke more words that he could care to breath. “I don’t want to just _think_ about the apple, Loki. I _want_ it.”

Loki looked at him at this, not sure if what he thought he meant was what he had actually said. “Tony…”

“When I married you, I also said that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And if me eating this apple will give you that promise, then I will eat a million.”

Loki huffed a laugh that was caught in his throat, and smiled so brightly that it brought tears to _both_ of their eyes. Tony just brought his face closer, and kissed him over and over and over again. When they parted, laughing into each other, Loki nodded. “Okay.”

Tony brought the apple close to his mouth once more, and took a bite. It was like no apple he had ever had before. At first it seemed tasteless, like a decorative fruit bowl ornament, but then he felt the juice slide down his throat, and somehow spread through every bone and every vein and felt it surge in his brain.

Loki held him through the process, eyes never leaving his. He had never seen a human take a bite out of one of Iðunn’s apples, and the result was magnificent. Truly, truly magnificent. His arms tightened around Tony’s waist and back, keeping him close, and he saw the brown eyes light up gold for a moment or two before fading back to the colour that he had fallen in love with.

Tony stumbled a little in Loki’s arms, laughing because that was so damn dramatic, and Loki tightened his grip on him, not letting him fall. He felt like some kind of Disney princess finding her dream come true or some other cheesy composition, but the feeling was still alike all the same.

They looked at each other then, a new look in their eyes. Excitement, nervousness, elation, finality. They felt like they had a second wedding just then, and it pretty much was given the circumstance. But this time, there was no wedding bells, just the sound of music.

♪ _Yes, I would love you_  
_Over and over_  
 _Over and over_  
 _Yes, over again_  
 _Over, over again_ ♪

“We’re home.” Tony whispered, bringing Loki’s face closer and kissing him deeply over and over and over again before leaning their foreheads together, eyes closed, and arms never letting go of one another. Because the minute they let go was the minute they were worlds apart.

“Yes, Anthony. We’re home. We’re both home.”

Tony let out a laugh, and his tears fell. For each of them. For both of them. Together.

Finally.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Over And Over - Bobby Vinton.
> 
> And that's it! NaNoWriMo almost killed me but I survived and this fic came out with it. A little shoutout to my Region Group for helping me stay motivated and giving me ideas. And also a big hug to everyone who stuck around to read this to the end. I really appreciate the comments and kudos. Until next time!


End file.
